Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 50: Hope

Tabby returned to do her checks on Siobhan. Her heart beat was slow, becoming more faint as she listened through the stethoscope. Siobhan's breathing became labored and Vivian took notice. "Tabby..." Her eyes widened and glistened with tears. "We're going to give you activated charcoal," Tabby explained, pouring the mixture into a cup. "It's not pleasant, but it'll help absorb the remaining toxins in your system."

Vivian stood calmly walking over to one of the drawers in the room. Her demeanor faltered slightly as she thought about it being Siobhan not some stranger this time. She grabbed one of the Narcan auto injectors and walked back to the bed with Siobhan. She noticed the symptoms returning and wanted to be ready if she became critical before the charcoal did its job.

Tabby glanced at her friend and gave her a nod acknowledging her decision. "Viv, why are you getting that?" She kissed Siobhan on the cheek, "How are you feeling right now?" The blonde's eyes reflected confusion, "Honestly, I'm feeling dizzy again..." The confusion shifted to clarity as she realized the overdose was still happening.

Vivian spoke calmly and softly, "Bon Bon, you are going to be okay." She placed a sweet kiss on her lips and continued, "I just want to be prepared if you get bad again before the charcoal starts to work." Siobhan laid her head on Vivian's chest as the brunette leaned back on the raised head of the bed. Knowing that Siobhan is now safe receiving the treatment she needs Tabby's attention changes as she witnesses their interactions. As they held each other, she smiled while warmth spread in her chest.

This is a scary situation, but the love they have for each other is so strong. Before Siobhan, you could see loneliness in Vivian— a faint sadness. Now happiness radiates off of her. It's obvious to everyone that Vivian saved Siobhan's life, but Siobhan also saved Vivian. If any couple can make it through this, it's them.

"Siobhan, Mia was here. Charlotte must have called her." Siobhan thought back to when Mia walked into the office. The replay of Mia's eyes darting to her hands reeled in her mind. Tabby's voice broke through her thoughts, "She is still here— in the waiting room." Vivian asked, "Bon, is it okay if Tabby brings her back?" Siobhan nodded slowly— eyes dropping in guilt.

Mia entered the room, her hair pulled into a messy bun, eyes red and puffy. She looked at Siobhan, her expression filled with remorse. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. "I should have stopped you. I knew something was off but ignored it."

Siobhan's heart felt like it might shatter. Guilt surged through her as she witnessed Mia's pain. Such vulnerability was uncharacteristic for the redhead, but her deep affection for Siobhan and Vivian was undeniable—though she'd never openly admit it.

"Mia, none of this is your fault. I've been struggling... for a while." Siobhan swallowed hard. "I didn't want to seem weak or disappoint anyone because I wasn't okay." Tears began to fall as her voice shook. "I just wanted to stop feeling like my insides were being ripped apart until I could fix myself. I didn't know I was making it all worse."

Mia crossed the room and took Siobhan's hand. "You are going to get through this, Siobhan, but you can't do it alone. You have a village of people who love you and are ready to support you."

Vivian, sensing the need for a reprieve from the emotional tension, interjected with a soft smirk, "Would that village include a certain messy-bun redhead?"

Both Mia and Siobhan looked at her and laughed, the pressure in their chests lightening as their unspoken connection grew stronger.

After four hours and constant monitoring of Siobhan's vitals, the doctor discharged Siobhan. The three women walked out to the car park to Mia's mustang. A comfortable silence filled the car as they drove back to the nursery. There was still about two hours before Vivian needed to collect Jamie, so she drove Siobhan home to rest.

However, as she got closer and closer to their home, her anger began to grow. Her breathing rate increased, her hands clenched tighter to the steering wheel and she began to see her eyesight pulse from the increased heart rate. The silence became loud as her senses were overwhelmed.

How long has she been hiding this? Is she getting drugs from Bennie? She is hiding drugs in our home! Jamie could have found them! I need them out of my house— today! If Siobhan can't do that, she is going to have to go with them.

Vivian parks the car in the driveway. Still steaming, she walks to Siobhan's side and helps her out of the car. She supports her as they walk into their home. As soon as the door shuts, Vivian whispers, "Where are they, Siobhan?" The blonde was making her way to the couch to sit and didn't hear what Vivian said. "What?" She questioned. "Where are the fucking pills Siobhan?!" All the anger spewed from her mouth as she asked the second time.

Siobhan's eyes burned with tears. She knew she didn't have to be afraid of Vivian, but this was a side of her she hadn't seen yet. Her shoulders slump and her head falls, "Upstairs..." She lifts herself from the couch and begins to climb the stairs. Vivian right behind her. A twinge of guilt smacks the brunette firmly in the chest.

I didn't mean to scream at her. I know she feels so much guilt and shame already. I just... I'm scared of what could have happened to Jamie— how today could have ended differently.

She followed Siobhan into the bathroom and watched as the blonde lifted the back covering of the toilet. A clear bag, only a few dozen pills in it, was raised and set on the counter. There was a stillness that spread through the room. Quiet expressions exchanged before Siobhan crumbled to the floor. Vivian's footsteps gently as she walked over, dropped to her knees and held the love of her life. The brokenness released into the atmosphere and a quiet determination replacing it.

"Bon, I'm here— with you, for you. I will walk with you through this. Do you think you could take one more step with me now?" Moments passed as Siobhan's sobs became manageable again. "What do you mean, Viv?" Vivian placed her finger under Siobhan's chin and lifted her eyes to hers. "Can we flush these down the toilet together?" The pause was excruciating, but Siobhan nodded as she choked out, "Yes."

Hands shaking, Siobhan and Vivian open the bag and empty the pills into the toilet. Vivian took Siobhan's hand in hers as she moved it to the lever to flush them down. The younger woman felt anxiety tug at her heart watching the pills circle the drain. The brunette helped Siobhan stand and gazed lovingly into her eyes. "I'm proud of you baby," breathed Vivian as she pulled Siobhan closer to her. She kissed her softly. The pure love and devotion poured in through the contact of their lips.

She has so much faith in me. I hope she is right to...