Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 89: Vivian's Break

Vivian's lips tremble as tears well in her eyes. Siobhan feels the tremors in her body before she even speaks. "Viv, what are you feeling? Talk to me." Vivian swallows hard, her throat thick with unshed sobs. "It's hard to explain. I'm so proud of you for pushing through, but—" her breath shudders, "it's selfish and stupid, but I'm scared. What if I push too far? What if I get caught up in the moment and trigger you?"

Shame washes over her, and she pulls away, covering her face with her hands. Siobhan shifts, pushing herself up just enough to rest a hand on Vivian's thigh. "Viv, that's not selfish—it's the opposite. I know you just want to protect me." She squeezes gently before reaching for Vivian's wrist, coaxing her hands away from her face. "I know it hurts you to see me struggle. But you need to talk to me too. I wasn't the only one traumatized, baby."

A soft chuckle escapes her. "We might be two of the most stubborn people I know, but we have to stop pretending we have it all together." Siobhan gently pulls Vivian down as she aligns their lips in a sweet kiss. Once Siobhan breaks away from the kiss, she silently persuades her wife to lay her head on her chest. The blonde softly exhales, "I love you." Vivian closes her eyes and with a barely audible whisper, "I love you, Bon." The two drift off to sleep safely wrapped in each other's arms as another layer of pain peels away.

The next morning Siobhan wakes seeing Vivian still resting against her chest. She softly combs her fingers through her hair admiring her wife's features highlighted by the sun's rays peeking through the curtains. As Vivian begins to stir, Siobhan's raspy voice meets her ears, "good morning, Sunshine. I love you." Vivian sits up smiling softly at Siobhan, "can I kiss you?" The blonde nods as a smile pulls at her lips. Her kiss was intentional, gentle and full of emotion. It took Siobhan's breath away.

Vivian pulled away as she rolled to the edge of the bed planting her feet on the cold wooden floor. Siobhan, still trying to process everything Vivian expressed with the kiss, asked breathlessly, "where are you going, Viv?" The brunette just smiled before they both laughed, "pancakes!" Siobhan quickly joined Vivian, taking her hand and rushing into the kitchen.

It had been a while since they cooked naked together and they couldn't keep their eyes off each other. In all the distraction, they burned the first round of pancakes. Siobhan sighed, "we always burn the first round!" Vivian chuckled, "it's a wonder we don't burn everything."

Before starting the next set, Siobhan turned the heat down on the griddle and pulled Vivian closer. She placed Vivian's hands on her hips, "I need you to keep your hands here. Will you do that?" Vivian nodded slowly as Siobhan wrapped her arms around Vivian's neck.

She leaned in, lingering just before their lips met. Siobhan removed one arm from Vivian's neck bringing her fingers to her wife's beautiful lips. Her intense gaze never faltered as she traced every millimeter of her mouth. She pulled her fingers away catching the rim of Vivian's lips parting them slightly as she moved closer to kiss her, finally. A burning passion pulsed through them, time slowing— stopping altogether. The two women seemed to forget they existed in time and space. Their thoughts are silenced by the intensity of the connection healing within them.

Their growling stomachs regained their attention and they pulled away from each other giggling. "Let's finish these pancakes and eat. I have plans for us today." They stood together, Vivian pouring the pancake batter on the griddle and Siobhan slicing some fruit for topping. The two women stole secret glances as they tended to their breakfast duties. Vivian's fancy pancake flips always caught Siobhan's attention causing her to bite her lip. Siobhan's knife skills made Vivian's heart flutter— it was hot.

They finally cooked some edible pancakes and sat together at the table holding hands as they ate. Siobhan set her fork down as she asked, "what are these plans you have?" Vivian smiled, "Well, I knew we couldn't depend on the weather to have a beach day every day, so I planned an arcade day for us." The blonde's eyes lit up with excitement which shocked Vivian. This particular place not only had arcade games, but it had mini golf, go kart tracks and pool tables.

Later that afternoon as they arrived at the arcade, Vivian noticed a new bright glimmer in Siobhan's eyes. "Can we play mini golf first?" Her tone is almost like Jamie's when he is excited about something. Vivian chuckled, "of course, Bon." She exited the drivers side, walked around the car helping Siobhan out. "You're such a gentlewoman. I love you."

They retrieved their golf club and golf ball, Vivian got sky blue and Siobhan got dark green. However, they looked at each other before smiling and returning what they had to grab the two sets of teal club and ball. Vivian's proposal replayed in Siobhan's mind, feeling her with a comforting warmth. Vivian thought about how Siobhan took her breath away that night and how beautiful she looked that night.

Siobhan led them to the first of the eighteen holes. She placed her ball on the ground lining up her shot. Before taking her swing, she looked up at Vivian, "I'll take it easy on you, baby." Vivian raised her eyebrows as she tilted her head to the side, "oh Bon, it's cute you to think you need to go easy on me." Siobhan scoffed, "fine, have it your way." She tapped the golf ball with the perfect amount of force to sink it directly in the hole. Vivian's mouth dropped surprised yet impressed at her woman's skills.

Vivian took her shot putting way too much force behind her swing that it jumped over the hole and hit the brick wall behind it. Siobhan smirked with a mix of admiration for Vivian's strength and also with a little pride that she just might be a better mini golfer than her wife. She sunk the ball easily into the hole on the second stroke. As she bent down to get her ball out, she winked at Siobhan watching her blush.

As they walked to each section, they held hands lacing their fingers, swinging them back and forth as they spoke softly to each other. "Bon, how did you get so good at mini golf?" Siobhan gently kicked the pebbles across the ground watching them bounce across the concrete. "Well, it was something my cousins and I loved to play when we went on holiday. The adults never wanted to play with us— it was our only escape from them."

They approached the next hole and realized quickly they had reached the advanced section. Vivian noticed her wife's cocky smirk as she observed those grey eyes scanning the obstacles. The blonde set the ball on the ground and pulled her club back swinging it forcefully down, striking the ball with unexpected power. Vivian's eyes widened as she watched the ball ricochet off the various obstacles before the ball dropped to the ground then bounced into the hole. Her mouth dropped open again, "What in the Happy Gilmore was that?!"

Siobhan turned and with a wink she whispered, "did you like that?" Vivian raised her eyebrow playfully as she walked towards her. She wrapped one arm around Siobhan's waist and kissed her. As she pulled away, "um, yeah Bon. It was sexy." The next thing they knew they heard claps and whistles. They both turned their heads to the side seeing a group of people that were waiting on them. Resting their foreheads together they laughed before Vivian set her ball on the ground as she apologized to the growing crowd.

Siobhan annihilated Vivian. The blonde's score was 25 whereas Vivian scored a whopping 72. The brunette pouted slightly as she took Siobhan's hand, "I'm choosing the next game."

Of course I'm not really upset. Siobhan is glowing with confidence. I'm seeing more of the beautiful woman I fell in love with— her true self. However, I will get my revenge.