Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 61: Lean on Me

Athena held her daughter closely, rubbing her back softly as she whispered, "I'm so sorry. He's strong, he's a fighter, you're a fighter." Vivian's eyes closed and taking one more deep breath she pulled away wiping her tears from her face.

The five sat in the room quietly talking. Before they knew it, the recovery nurses were rolling Jamie back into his hospital room. To Vivian it felt like her breath was snatched from her lungs. She looked up as she pursed her lips together before walking over to Jamie's bedside. His eyes were only barely open, still feeling the effects of the anesthesia.

Quietly Jamie slurred, "Mommy..." as Vivian smiled down at him running her fingers through his hair. "Hey sweet boy. I love you." He pulls at the blanket as he murmurs, "I love you too." His eyes flutter closed, gentle snores start to sound in the room. Siobhan silently leaves the room while Vivian sits with her mom holding her hand.

I know this is a lot for my Bon. She is such a comfort to me and was so strong, but she needs to let herself feel this. If she has to go somewhere else to do it, it's just what has to happen. Looks like Mia noticed too— I can trust them to take care of her.

Mia nudges Charlotte, noticing Siobhan leaving, as she tells Vivian and Athena they would be back in a little bit. The two women follow Siobhan as she walks out towards the car park. "Shibs, where are you going? Viv and Jamie need you." Siobhan turns to face Mia and Charlotte, her eyes watery and face red. "I'm not going anywhere, but I had to get some air. I felt like I was being crushed. I can't be like that. I have to be strong for Viv and I knew I was about to lose it."

I've brought Vivian nothing but pain. If I would have just stayed with Roger, none of this would have ever happened. Now Jamie is being hurt. I wish I could switch places with him.

Charlotte approaches Siobhan slowly, "You don't always have to hide your emotions, Siobhan. It's okay to show you're hurting— you don't have to run." Charlotte pulls her into a hug as she whispers, "Strength is allowing yourself to feel the pain, let yourself be vulnerable. Mia and I will be here to help hold you guys up."

Charlotte can feel the woman in her arms shake as sobs tear through her chest. "Why is this happening to Jamie?" She pulls away from Charlotte and begins to slam her fist into her own chest over and over. "Why couldn't it be me? I deserve this— it's my fault, it's my punishment. It's not supposed to be him." A mix of pain and understanding wash over Mia as she steps forward grabbing Siobhan's wrist. Her voice soft and gentle, "Stop... I understand what you're feeling, but none of this is your fault. Sometimes bad things just happen."

As Mia and Charlotte help Siobhan process her grief in the car park, the doctors return to speak more with Vivian. Dr. Tulip speaks up, "Hey, Viv. Athena, good to see you again. Dr. Phillips, this is Vivian's mother, Athena." The surgeon reaches to shake Athena's hand before speaking, "We have seen this type of cancer before, but in older patients. It's extremely rare and almost unheard of in children this age. There are usually no signs until an acute appendix situation. That's what happened here."

He placed a hand on Vivian's shoulder, "You didn't miss anything. You made all the right moves when he started having pain." Vivian looks up at the doctor, "What should I expect treatment wise?" Dr. Tulip interjects, "We won't know for sure until the oncologist reviews his case, but in most cases with lymph nodes involved require 3 to 6 months of chemo."

Vivian takes a sharp breath in as she pulls her hands to her stomach. "Thank you for everything you have done." She leans over the hospital bed kissing Jamie on the cheek, "You're gonna beat this my baby boy,  you'll make it— you have to..."

Siobhan returns with Mia and Charlotte by her side. Vivian looks up as her eyes connect with Siobhan's. She can see the pain in her eyes— the same pain she feels. The two women walk towards each other embracing as they meet. "Bon, we will make it through this together." Siobhan nuzzles her head into Vivian's neck. "I'm supposed to be comforting you... I'm so sorry." Vivian cradles Siobhan's head, "We are going to have to lean on each other, baby. You love Jamie just as much as I do— that's easy to see."

Vivian's eyes darted to Mia and Charlotte, "Remember, we have a village now. It's more than just us now. It's okay to fall apart, but we are going to pick up the pieces and keep going— for him." Both women smile softly as their eyes turn to Jamie.

Siobhan is the best thing that has ever happened to my daughter besides Jamie. Their love is going to be how they survive this...