Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 86: Horizon

It was the weekend and Siobhan and Vivian were taking Sorscha's advice and were going on their honeymoon. Vivian's dad was still healing up and they didn't want to add to their stress. Mia and Charlotte had a weekend getaway already planned and Sara had to work all weekend and most nights during the week. Sorscha heard about the struggle they were having getting someone to watch Jamie for the week and offered to take him.

The couple loaded everything into the car and drove to Sorscha and Clodagh's home. Jamie was very excited to spend time with one of his favorite teachers and pretend to be a big brother for the week. The young boy had been asking Vivian if he would ever have a brother or sister lately. During their ride, Jamie suddenly exclaimed, "mum, I get to practice being a brother! I can't wait until I have a brother or sister!" Siobhan's head whipped toward Vivian, eyes wide, whispering, "a what?" The brunette lets out a soft chuckle and takes Siobhan's hand in hers, "he is just excited about spending time with Quinn, baby. He has been asking lately about having a brother or sister. Take a deep breath— it's okay."

Hearing Jamie say that initially it honestly was terrifying, but the more I think about it— I think it could be amazing. Viv is such a great mom and seeing Jamie as a sibling would be wonderful. What if I can't do it? With Jamie it was unexpected, but natural. But another child? What if I fail?

Vivian could tell that Siobhan was spiraling in her thoughts so she rubbed her thumb gently across her hand and whispered softly, "Bon, you're okay. Come back to me, love." Vivian's soft whisper pulled Siobhan from her thoughts. She exhaled slowly, her gaze meeting her wife's as a small smile returned to her lips. "I'm excited about this week away with you." Vivian slightly tightened her grip on Siobhan's hand before bringing it to her lips peppering it with kisses. "I can't wait, Bon."

As Jamie caught a glimpse of his mum kissing Siobhan's hand, he asked through a giggle, "geez mom, do you kiss Bonnie everywhere?" Both women's eyes widened as laughter burst from their chest. Jamie just looked confused, but he moved on quickly as his favorite song played on the radio.

This kid and his questions! Makes me wonder what things he says to others about me and Bon. She has told me several stories about the kids in the nursery unintentionally outing their parents' secrets. Embarrassing...

They pull up at the Doyle's house. Siobhan helps Jamie out of the car as Vivian retrieves his suitcase. Clodagh and Sorscha meet them at the curb with Quinn to greet everyone. Sorscha grabs Jamie's suitcase and takes it inside before joining everyone back on the sidewalk. Clodagh's soft gaze turns to her wife, "babe, could you take the kids in? I want to talk with Siobhan and Vivian for a moment." The redhead gives her a loving smile, "of course, you two enjoy your honeymoon." She winks at the couple before taking Quinn from Clodagh and taking Jamie's hand leading him inside.

Clodagh follows her wife with her eyes as she enters their home with love reflected in them before returning her attention to the couple. Her comforting and warm demeanor provides a welcomed calm to Siobhan and Vivian. A soft smile pulls at the kind woman's face as she begins speaking, "this is an important time for you both. You have endured so much trauma in such a short time." Clodagh paused, swallowing thickly as emotion welled in her voice, "you may discover triggers you didn't know existed. But be open with each other— communicate. Take this time to relearn intimacy, to reconnect— mind, body and soul." She dropped her gaze for a moment before lifting her eyes full of sincerity, "I know the fear of being vulnerable after everything. Embrace the tenderness, the anger, the pain. And when all that passes, embrace each other."

Siobhan's body tenses as she absorbs Clodagh's words. This is what I'm scared of— triggering feelings I didn't know I had. It can be explosive, uncomfortable— incredibly scary and can leave you feeling exposed. I know I can trust Viv, but in those moments logic is nowhere to be found. I just don't want to hurt her.