Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 93: Autumn Inspired

A/N— This one took an unexpected turn...

Vivian and Siobhan sit to eat breakfast together at the table. The older woman watches the blonde carefully noticing her almost blank stare as if she is lost in thought. "Bon, what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" Siobhan lifts her gaze, sighing anxiously, "It was something Autumn said..."

She aimlessly dragged her fork through her food on the plate before putting it down. She folded her hands together leaning her chin onto them. "She said 'Hopefully with the investigation it will be clear nobody knew.' but I did, Viv. I knew, and I never reported it. I went on runs with him. That makes me guilty, doesn't it?" Vivian cut her off quickly, "Hold on, Bon. First of all, you weren't a willing participant. And second, he manipulated and abused you— you were scared!"

Vivian reached out, curling her fingers in a silent invitation. When Siobhan hesitated, she tugged her gently onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her waist. After kissing her cheek softly, she whispered, "I'll protect you, Bon. If we need a lawyer, I'll call the one who handled my divorce—he's good." Siobhan rested her head against Vivian's chest as she twisted her locket between her fingers.

The brunette noticed as a smile ghosted across her face, "Bon, why do you always do that? The blonde barely moved, "do what?" A light chuckle escapes Vivian's lips, "the locket... I've noticed you seem to cling to it often." Siobhan smirked. "You do the same, you know... but to answer your question, it's a way for me to keep myself grounded. When I hold on to it, it reminds me of you and Jamie— the family that I have finally found to be my own. You two are my world." Vivian's throat tightened, her fingers gripping Siobhan just a little closer. A few tears slipped down her cheeks, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you more than I could ever say, baby."

Time stood still. Siobhan's ear resting against Vivian's chest listening to her heartbeat. Vivian gliding her fingers through her wife's beautiful blonde hair. The silence was comforting— all they needed was each other's presence and it all disappeared.

After an hour, they cuddled up on the sofa to binge watch movies. Their bodies still ached from the previous night's adventure, just as Vivian had predicted. They began with a horror film knowing Siobhan wouldn't sleep if they didn't have plenty of lighthearted movies afterwards. Vivian loved the adrenaline rush—half from the scares, half from how predictable and over-the-top horror movies could be. The only thing Siobhan liked about horror films was her excuse to cuddle insanely close to Vivian.

Their first pick was Autumn inspired. Siobhan rolled her eyes as Vivian selected it, "Autumn would be so proud..." her words drenched in annoyance. The brunette giggled and plopped back on the sofa with her love wrapping her arm around her neck pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. "There are only a few ways to make her proud so I'm honored you would say that!" Siobhan scoffed, but snuggled into Vivian's neck tighter preparing for the jump scares and torment that was inevitable.

Siobhan found it nearly impossible to focus on the movie—Vivian kept stealing kisses, tilting her head back every few minutes as if daring her to complain. It felt like they were teenagers again—sneaking kisses in the living room, just waiting for someone to tell them to 'break it up.' Vivian ignited that 'first love' feeling within Siobhan making her feel youthful and giddy. They were hardly able to watch more than 20 minutes of a movie at a time without reconnecting their lips.

Vivian felt the blonde's hands glide across her cheeks pulling her away. Her eyes were heavy as she gazed down at Siobhan as if she was a dream. The blonde giggled at how entranced her wife was by her, "Viv, is this your idea of resting? Or are you secretly training for a breath-holding competition?" Siobhan winked seductively knowing exactly how it would affect Vivian. The brunette smiled, "Careful, Siobhan Yvette Serpent-Clark. You're playing a dangerous game."

Siobhan's breath hitched. "Oh, that's it—you used my full name. Take me upstairs, Vivian Lee Rhea Serpent-Clark." With a low growl, Vivian pulled Siobhan to her feet, pressing their bodies flush together. "We really should have a shower before bed." Finishing with a wink as she stuck her tongue out playfully.

They raced to the bathroom tossing their clothes as they climbed the stairs. Siobhan jumped into Vivian's arms, their lips crashing together in a kiss that was all heat and urgency. The brunette laughed against Siobhan's lips as she walked backwards into the shower to turn it on. Vivian pressed Siobhan against the cool glass, her lips trailing down to whisper silent pleas for more. Their breaths turned ragged, the rising steam wrapping around them like a second embrace.

The floodgates of passion burst open, and Vivian and Siobhan were swept away in the downpour. Their cries of pleasure drifted across the sandy beach, rising above the roar of the waves. Another night spent reclaiming the intimate pieces of themselves—continuing to make them whole, to make them one again.

The rest of their honeymoon seemed to fly by with the exception of the countless intimate moments that seemed to last a lifetime. They were driving back to the Doyle's to pick Jamie up since he was able to be discharged two days ago. Siobhan relaxed with her head lazily placed on the headrest. Her hand held gently by Vivian with their fingers interlaced. The radio was playing quietly and as they got closer and closer to their town, a slight twinge of nervous energy tugged within them.

Siobhan spoke up softly, "Viv, we have to keep communication open. Let's not forget what we learned this week." She lifted Vivian's hand, pressing a gentle kiss before continuing, "We can't pretend to be okay if we're not. Our friends are willing to support us too." She squeezed Vivian's hand slightly, "I was thinking... Maybe we could trade off babysitting with Sorscha and Clodagh? I have realized how important it is to have time together, date nights— it's precious."

Vivian raised her eyebrows, impressed with her wife's suggestion and willingness to extend support to their friends. Siobhan continued with a sweet whisper, "We definitely need to have this routine down before adding a sibling to the mix." Vivian pulled the car over to the side, shifted it into park before looking over at Siobhan, "A what?" Her voice is tender and sweet.

The blonde chuckled, "I want Jamie to have a sibling, but I have been thinking a lot about it and I would like to adopt. I'm not sure how all that works, but there are kids out there that need a family— like I did. Viv, I didn't know what family was until I found you." Vivian caressed Siobhan's face with her palm, "Bon, I honestly don't know what to say... The timing—" The blonde laughed, "I know seems like the worst time, but if we always waited for the 'right time' we wouldn't have even gotten engaged. Well honestly, we would have never dated. Why not carry on the tradition?" The blonde smiled admiringly at Vivian before kissing her on the lips, "Let's get our little boy and go home."

They arrived at the Doyles' home, but they had no idea the couple was watching from the window. Vivian and Siobhan took the opportunity to connect their lips one more time. Their kiss radiant with passion and new found connection. Once they broke apart after several minutes, they approached the door and knocked. The pattering echo of feet could be heard as Jamie sprinted to the door. "Mummy! Momma Bonnie!" The young boy engulfed them both into his arms as the knelt down in front of him.

"I missed you so much J-man!" Whispered Siobhan as Vivian echoed a similar sentiment. When they stood up to speak to their friends, they noticed a mischievous expression on their faces. Sorscha breathed a laugh, "You two are glowing..." she gave a knowing wink causing Siobhan and Vivian both to turn bright red. Clodagh swatted at Sorscha's arm, "Babe, leave them alone... they must be absolutely exhausted." The Irish woman snorted, "Right, I bet!"

Sorscha and Clodagh watch the little family walk together and settle into the car. Clodagh leans her head against Sorscha and whispers, "they're going to make it. I can see the depth of their connection. A lot of healing took place and they will be stronger for it." Sorscha kissed Clodagh on the top of the head, "I love you. And I love how you care so much about others. It's one of your best qualities."