Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 109: Coin Toss

vivsserpent Your comment on the last chapter... like how did you know? 🤣

Charlotte pulled up next to Vivian's car in the car park and quickly popped out of the driver's seat. A huge smile pulled at her lips as she scanned the playground seeing all the children playing with each other and her friends calmly enjoying their time with the other adults. When Siobhan turned and saw Charlotte, she brushed her hand over Vivian's arm getting her attention.

The brunette walked over with her keys to get the car seat installed in her car. As she approached, the keys slipped from her hands clinking loudly on the concrete. Charlotte noticed the mix of emotions in Vivian's face. "Viv, I know you and Shibs have discussed this and knew what you wanted, but you don't seem completely sure about your choice?" Vivian huffed and rolled her eyes, "The only time I'm annoyed that you and Mia are our best friends is when you call us out on what we aren't saying!" She chuckled slightly as she strapped in the seat.

As she finished, she crossed her arms over her chest and admitted, "Char, it's a hard thing to explain. Bon was so upset with knowing Zuri was so unsettled. She understands that feeling more than anyone and part of the reason she wanted to foster in the first place. She said she didn't really know what family was until Jamie and I, so she wanted to help others find a place to belong even if it is temporary."

Charlotte's mouth dropped open in shock. "Wow, I mean I knew Shibs was complex, but..." Vivian smiled as her eyes shifted to look at her wife. "She has a heart of gold, Char. Truly natural at being a mum— no matter what she thought of herself when I first met her. It has been amazing watching her step into this position so gracefully, but now we are taking on 3 kids!" She looked back at Charlotte with her eyes wide. "Bon has adapted well with 2 and I'm sure she will adapt again. It's just, even I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed with going home with 3 kids today instead of 2. No idea how this will shift the dynamic."

The sweet friend just hugs Vivian's neck as she whispers, "remember, you have your village. We all have done the background checks to be able to babysit for you two. Call on us— it's what family is for." Vivian just breathed, "thank you, Charlotte. I needed to be reminded of that." The sweet brunette walked back over to her car. "Now to get back to my mean readhead." She winked as she slid down into the driver's seat. Vivian waved before turning around and walking back to join Siobhan at the picnic table.

Visitation was coming to an end and the mood shifted quickly. The siblings began to get upset knowing they were going to have to leave each other and their mum. Goodbyes started, the tears started flowing along with a couple tantrums from the younger girls, Zuri and Denali. As the Serpent-Clark's were loading up, Ciara was trying to help Zuri calm down as she climbed into her seat. "It's okay, Zuri. You are safe with Mrs. Vivian and Mrs. Siobhan— Jamie too. You will love it at their house. And, at the nursery!" The two women looked at each other. Siobhan smirked, "So who's the lucky one that gets to make that call?" Vivian laughed, "We'll flip a coin when we get home— it's the only fair way."

As Siobhan finishes securing Zuri in her seat, Vivian looks in the rear view mirror questioning, "Who's up for ice cream?" All three children squeal with excitement as they begin chanting, "Me, me, me!" The two expected that the separation would be hard, so they decided something to distract them afterwards would be ideal.

Once they got home, everyone walked with Zuri up to her and Ciara's room. They watched as Ciara took over the house tour. Siobhan and Vivian were proud that she felt confident enough to show Zuri around. As she finished, the two women sat next to Zuri's bed with her. "What do you think? Do you like it?" The young girl smiled as she wrapped one arm around each of their necks. "The covers are my favorite color! And I have other kids to play with me. I love it here." Ciara stood quietly next to her bed with her arms folded over her chest.

The couple laughed together with Ciara and Jamie at Zuri's first reaction at being in the Serpent-Clark home. Ciara's laugh was more tense than usual, but subtle enough to go unnoticed. Siobhan and Vivian's tone felt relieved as things went even smoother than they expected. A hint of unease still bit at them knowing how unpredictable it could be.

Vivian noticed at bedtime that Ciara's body language had shifted slightly. Siobhan was focused on helping Zuri settle because she had gotten anxious as it got closer to bedtime. She was showing her the fairy nightlight that was pulled from the closet. The blonde woman let Zuri watch her plug it in by her bed. "See, Zuri. It's okay you will have a light right by your bed."

I'm glad Zuri is here now, but she's getting all the attention. What if they forget about me now? I'm going to have to help take care of Zuri like I did at home now too.

They tuck Zuri and Ciara into their beds before calling Jamie in to read them all a story. Vivian and Siobhan took turns reading, watching the children's eyelids get heavier and heavier. Once they finished the book, each woman leaned over kissing their foreheads as they whispered goodnight. They took Jamie's hand and walked him into his room tucking him in as well.

Siobhan and Vivian sat next to his bed, "Jamie, how are you feeling about Zuri being here?" The little boy yawned, "I now have two sisters to look after. I like being a big brother!" He smiled as he wriggled down into his covers and closed his eyes, "Goodnight, mums."

The women tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen and pulled out their designated coin for all their decision making. Before Vivian tossed it in the air, she questioned, "What ya calling, Bon?" The blonde stood with her arms crossed, "heads..." When the coin landed, Vivian smirked punctuated with a little chuckle, "it's tails... you're really bad at this, baby." Siobhan rolled her eyes and sighed, "I swear if that woman burst my eardrum you're never hearing the end of it, Viv."

The blonde pulls out her phone to call Marjorie and tell her about Zuri coming to the nursery. With Siobhan always being swamped at head office now, it was fortunate that Vivian now worked at the nursery as their health and safety director— especially with them making the decision to foster.

"Heeelllloooo!" Siobhan immediately rolled her eyes. She really did adore Marjorie, but sometimes she was just a little too chipper for her. "Good evening, Marjorie. I'm sorry to call you so late." She paused for a moment as the manager responded, "Oh, it's alright Siobhan. What can I do for you, my love?" As Vivian looked on, the blonde narrowed her eyes at her as she prepared to drop the news, "Well, Marjorie, we had the first visitation with Ciara and her family." She could sense the confusion from the other end as Marjorie hummed. "We left with Ciara's little sister, Zuri. She's 3 years old and we wanted to see if there is space for her in the 2-3s."

Siobhan jerked the phone away from her ear immediately and squinted preparing for the expected reaction. What she didn't know is that Marjorie had the phone on speaker and Reece was standing right next to her. When Siobhan shared the news, Reece dropped what he was doing and immediately grabbed Marjorie's arms modeling the deep breathing they had been working on to help her reactions not be so explosive. Her husband had reassured her time and time again that she didn't need to change, but she didn't want to make others feel uncomfortable all the time and didn't want them to stop sharing news with her— so this was her solution.

The blonde raised her eyebrows and placed her ear back to the phone, "Marjorie? Did you hear me?" Reece huffed a small laugh as he heard the confusion in Siobhan's tone and as his wife struggled to respond calmly. Marjorie straightened her posture as her voice became overly professional. "I did. We do have enough staff to cover those numbers in the 2-3s. We look forward to meeting Zuri in the morning. Have a good night, Siobhan— give Vivian my love."

Siobhan hung up looking at Vivian in shock. "She didn't freak out or scream. That was odd— maybe more odd that I was slightly disappointed in her lack of enthusiasm." The brunette chuckled at her wife as she walked over to kiss her. "Oh, Bon. You're so adorable."

The couple eventually settled in for bed knowing tomorrow they would probably stumble through their routine. As they drifted off to sleep, Ciara laid awake in her bed just staring at the ceiling. She couldn't stop her brain from cycling through the expectations she learned to place on herself— her responsibility for her younger siblings. A tear dripped down her temple onto her pillow. While she gently swiped the moisture away, she turned over on her side, closed her eyes forcing herself to sleep.