Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 10: Stronger than you Think

It had been just over a week since Siobhan's lunch with Vivian. It was now Siobhan's favorite day of the week, Monday. Usually she didn't really care for Mondays but since they are now the days she meets with Vivian each week, she now looked forward to them.

Marjorie smiled at seeing a joyful Siobhan, it was rare. She had an inkling that these weekly meetings had nothing to do with nursery business, but she did her best not to be meddlesome. She busied herself with her work as she noticed the blonde getting antsy while she watched the time. Marjorie giggled softly and Siobhan whipped her head towards Marjorie. "What's so funny?" Marjorie swallowed her giggle as her eyes widened while she tried to avoid answering the question. She knew this new relationship, what ever it may be, was good for Siobhan and didn't want to make her feel insecure.

Siobhan saw the beautiful, raven haired woman walk past the office door to drop off Jamie. Blushing, she shot up from her chair and dashed out of the office. She didn't give one thought to the fact Marjorie was in the office to witness this reaction. She really missed Vivian, not to mention she wasn't able to call her at all since last weeks Monday meeting because she wasn't left alone.

Marjorie was left alone in the office. Her mouth dropped open as her eyes slowly darted back and forth. What just happened? I really want to know what they talk about in those meetings. I mean I may be reading this wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's not usual for a work meeting. "Marjorie, mind your business" she exclaims quietly to herself.

Siobhan reaches the doorway of the toddler room and leans, with her arms folded, on the door frame. She is wearing my favorite shirt, the one she wore when I first met her. The sound of her voice gives me butterflies and comfort washes over me. I hear that beautiful captivating laugh and my breath catches in my chest. Oh how I have missed hearing her.

Vivian is talking with Charlotte as Jamie turns and sees Siobhan in the doorway and waves. Siobhan felt a softening inside her as she slightly smiled and waved back. He looks so much like his mom and definitely has her outgoing personality. Vivian turns to see who Jamie is waving at and locks with those enticing grey eyes. As her enchanting blue eyes meet mine, my heart races and I feel as if I'm floating. Blushing, Vivian crouches down, still keeping eye contact with Siobhan, "Jamie this is Siobhan. I'm sure you have seen her around." Jamie smiles and shakes his head. He unexpectedly runs to Siobhan and gives her a tight hug around the leg and darts off to the table for breakfast. Usually I don't care much for children, but I can tell there is something different about Jamie.

Charlotte and Vivian both snicker at what they just witnessed, knowing how Siobhan generally felt about children, as they looked at Siobhan. Siobhan's eyes clearly conveyed shock as she smiled and looked at Vivian. "Is the family room available for our meeting?" Siobhan breaks from her thoughts and shakes her head yes. Vivian walks past the younger, blonde woman and winks causing Siobhan's face to yet again turn bright red as she follows behind Vivian to the family room.

Charlotte was a very observant person and seemed to almost read minds at times. She definitely didn't miss the subtleties in the two women's body language and reactions to each other. She raised her eyebrows bringing one of her hands to her hip watching them walk down the hall and into the family room. There is something going on with those two! Siobhan still seems cold most of the time, but there is a hint at softness when she is around Vivian. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, but I'm intrigued.

Walking into the family room, "Jamie seems to be fond of you." Vivian giggles and looks at Siobhan. "Apparently so..." Siobhan lets out a short giggle as she walks in the family room and shuts the door. Siobhan closes the space between herself and Vivian pulling her in tightly. "I have missed you, Viv." As a warm smile spreads across Vivian's face she whispers, "I've missed you too, Bon Bon." This feeling is addictive and I long for it everyday. I know that I'm with Roger, but he doesn't make me feel safe like Vivian does. Roger really is right I'm such an awful girlfriend and deserve everything he does. I feel guilty that my thoughts are consumed with Vivian, even when I am with Roger.

They break away from their embrace and sit across from each other at the square wooden table. Siobhan wants to ask Vivian something, but her nerves heighten so she diverts to asking about Vivian's week. Vivian tells about one of her encounters at the hospital that was quite entertaining. "A young mother brought her teenage son in to the emergency room because his friends dared him to swallow a dogs squeaky toy. Well, the young boy wanting to impress his friends, and took on the challenge. The squeaky toy was pretty small and had a hole through the middle which helped him be able to breathe." Siobhan shakes her head side to side and softly smacks her forehead with the palm of her hand holding it there for a second.

"Every time the teen inhaled and exhaled there was an audible squeak coming from his mouth. Since the boy wasn't having any problems breathing, the intense atmosphere in the room shifted and laughter began to take over. We had to get an x-ray to see how to approach getting this object out. The good news was that he didn't have to undergo an invasive procedure. We were able to remove it after putting him under sedation and using tools for a scope procedure." Siobhan was starting to get sore from all the laughter and placed her hand over her stomach. Vivian watched Siobhan movements carefully knowing that she was still healing from her injuries now almost four weeks ago.

"Do you encounter similar cases often when you work? I can't fathom why anyone would want to put items in places they have no business being." Vivian raises an eyebrow, "Siobhan, the mouth isn't the only hole we have had to remove items from. You would be surprised at how curious people are when it comes to putting things in their bodies!" Siobhan's face turns beet red and folds her arms on the table hiding her head in them. Vivian laughs and places her hand on Siobhan's arm. "I'm sorry Siobhan, I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed. I forget that people outside of healthcare aren't used to this type of information."

Siobhan sits up clearing her throat and looks at the time. How does this happen every single time?! It's never enough time, it moves so quickly. "Vivian, I wanted to ask you something before our time is up." Vivian's face showing concern in the change in Siobhan's tone. "Of course Bon, what is it? Are you okay?" Siobhan softly smiles at her friends concern, "I'm okay, but Thursday I'm going to the hospital for my follow up scan from..." Siobhan pauses thinking about what she said at their lunch meeting a week ago. "From the night Roger hurt you?" Vivian blurted as her eyes popped wide open hearing what just flew out of her mouth. She immediately started apologizing to Siobhan for being so blunt. "No Vivian, it's okay, you are right after all."

Vivian placed her hand out to offer comfort to Siobhan. "Would you be able to be there with me? I'm not sure if you are working or not Thursday. If you aren't, you don't have to go out of your way, just if it's convenient for you." Vivian let her know she wasn't working that day. Siobhan's posture dropped "That's okay. I'll be okay by myself," managing to smile. "Bon, I only said I don't work Thursday. I want to be there with you. Can I pick you up here, after dropping off Jamie and take you to your appointment?" I'm so proud of her, asking for support. Siobhan's eyes beamed with excitement and her heart flooded with warmth from Vivian's offer to take her to the appointment. "Yes, you can pick me up here. It works out perfectly because my appointment is at 10."

They both stood and began walking to the door saying their goodbyes. As Vivian reached the door, she turned to Siobhan to hug her. She laid her chin on her shoulder and whispered, "I'm so proud of you." At hearing that, Siobhan threw her arms around Vivian and began to softly weep. I'm not used to people being proud of me. I'm not used to letting people see the real me. The shattered and broken woman that is starting to want out of her nightmare. I know it's safe to let her see all of me. The good, if there is any left, the bad and the ugly. Vivian pulled away from the hug, gently placing one hand on Siobhan's shoulder and wiping her tears away with the other. She looked directly into Siobhan's sparkling eyes, "You are stronger than you think Bon Bon."