Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 16: Into the Fold

Vivian arrives at the nursery to collect Jamie. Marjorie, looking through the window in her office, sees her pull up. She meets Vivian in the hallway and asks if she could speak with her in the family room. Vivian's heart drops, her hands shaking with dread.

I have no idea what this is about, but I'm worried about Jamie! What if something happened to him? Is it Siobhan?

They enter the family room, "Look Vivian, I don't really know what is happening between you and Siobhan, honestly it's not my business, but she needs you right now. She is even worse than the day you took her to that follow up appointment." Vivian's eyes fill with tears as she clinches her fists. "Marjorie, he is going to kill her! I don't know what to do! Something has happened that has her freaked out. She has been trying to push all of us away. I'm going to kill Roger!"

Vivian is hurting so much, and I can sense her desperation. I worry about what she might do on her own.

Marjorie is stunned, "There is a meeting tonight at my house. We are going to brainstorm how to help Siobhan." Vivian raises her eyebrows, "Who is we?" Marjorie takes a breath, "Me, Reece, Autumn, Charlotte and Mia. They asked me to tell you because we all can see that you love her."

Vivian lets the tears fall as she leans forward laying her forehead on Marjorie's shoulder. Marjorie wraps her arms around Vivian to comfort her. "Marjorie, she has my heart. I can't lose her."

Marjorie tells Vivian to go to the office so she can see Siobhan before getting Jamie. Marjorie walks down to the toddler room. "Charlotte, Jamie is going to be collected a little late. I have to take care of some paperwork with Vivian." Charlotte pulls out a small snack for Jamie and an activity to keep him occupied.

I doubt it's just paperwork, and I hope they are careful. Roger has a way of finding things out.

Vivian walks into the office, eyes red, voice soft, "Bon?" Siobhan's breath catches and her chest gets heavy. She did not expect to hear Vivian's voice. Vivian walks over to Siobhan, "Are you okay? Look at me please." As Siobhan looks at Vivian, she can tell she has been crying. A sharp pain shoots through her chest knowing she is hurting.

Marjorie is right. The weight of Siobhan's despair is almost suffocating. I look into her eyes— they're empty, but there's something else... Her pupils are pinpoint. What could have brought her to this point?

Siobhan looks down in shame, "I'm fine, Viv- Vivian." Her voice sounds hollow. Vivian closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, her body feeling weak at the sight of her baby so broken— vacant.

I know Vivian can tell that I'm high. After almost 20 years as a nurse, she must be disappointed in my choices. Seeing her like this is tearing my heart apart. I'm causing her all this pain, but she doesn't realize I'm doing it to save her.

Marjorie wants to shoot up a rescue flare for Siobhan, so to speak. She has a plan to subtly signal that help is coming, hoping Siobhan will recognize a reference to her and Vivian's first meeting as a sign to have hope.

Marjorie enters the office and pulls out some paperwork for Vivian to fill out. "Alright my love, this is the paperwork you need to fill out for the necessary changes to Jamie's diet." They've been keeping a daily diary to discover what Jamie was allergic to. It was the first excuse Vivian used to meet with Siobhan.

Siobhan turns her head slightly to look at the two women. Marjorie flashes a sympathetic smile, and Siobhan wonders what Marjorie is up to as she recalls the topic of her and Vivian's first meeting.

Once Vivian has completed the paperwork, she turns her attention once more to Siobhan. She wants to hug Siobhan, but as Siobhan registers Vivian's body language, her face turns serious and shakes her head no. Vivian whispers softly, "I love you baby," as tears flow down her face. Siobhan's eyes well up as she echoes, "I love you, Viv."

As Marjorie witnesses the interaction, her heart hurts for them. She had no idea the connection the two women had until that moment. Marjorie found a new sense of determination to help Siobhan. Looking at the time, Marjorie rushes Vivian out of the office to collect Jamie. Roger would be arriving soon and she knew Vivian needed to be gone before he got there.

Since Charlotte's last child has been picked up, she heads to the office to join Marjorie and Siobhan. Siobhan watches out the window as Vivian helps Jamie into the car. When Vivian turns towards the window and locks eyes with her, Siobhan quietly sobs as Vivian drives away.

Charlotte and Marjorie exchange a glance, both feeling the weight of Siobhan's sadness.

Siobhan turns to leave the office to get her belongings from the break room. She walks into the bathroom and stares at her reflection in the mirror. She doesn't recognize the person in the mirror. She combs her fingers through her hair as she notices her pale face, dark circles, and her empty eyes staring back at her. She turns on the sink and listens as the water falls, hearing the sound echo through the tiled room. She pulls her Altoids tin out of her purse and takes the last two pills she brought with her for the day. As she swallows them, she closes her eyes. Counting to three, she braces herself for the 'radio silence' again— she's numb.

Siobhan returns downstairs to the office just in time. Roger has pulled into the car park to pick her up. She whispers a goodbye to Marjorie and Charlotte as she walks out of the office. Roger looks mad when Siobhan gets in the car and Siobhan knows it's probably going to be a long night.