Why do I feel this way?

Part 49: Awake

Vivian pulled away just enough to look into Siobhan's beautiful grey eyes. "Bon, why won't you talk to me?" Her voice was soft, pleading, but steady.

The nurses finished their checks and ensured Siobhan was stable before leaving to give them privacy. Tabby paused in the doorway, glancing between the two women. "I'll go speak with the doctor. He'll probably want to keep you a few hours for observation," she said gently. Then, turning to Vivian, she added with quiet compassion, "I'll be back in about thirty minutes to check on her again."

As the door slid shut, Siobhan twisted her hands together in her lap, avoiding Vivian's gaze. Slowly, Vivian climbed into the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around the trembling blonde. She pressed a soft kiss to Siobhan's temple, and as if the dam had broken, Siobhan collapsed against her. Tears spilled freely, soaking Vivian's shirt as she held her tighter, her own tears streaming silently. The room felt heavy, almost suffocating, as the weight of Siobhan's pain filled the space.

From the window, Mia watched the scene unfold. Seeing the breakdown, she turned away, giving them the privacy they so clearly needed. She walked to the waiting room, her steps heavy. Sinking into a chair, she brought her hands up to cover her face, inhaling deeply. As she exhaled, she dragged her hands down her face and leaned her head back against the wall. After a moment, she pulled out her phone and sent a message.

To Charlotte:
Siobhan's awake now. I'll keep you updated.

Back in the room, Vivian gently ran her fingers through Siobhan's hair, her voice barely above a whisper. "Baby, please talk to me."

Through choked sobs, Siobhan finally spoke, her words drenched in shame. "Every time I felt love—or anything good—the darkness would flood in. I couldn't keep it away..." Her chest tightened as she hesitated, trying to catch her breath. "I didn't want to hurt you. I thought... if you knew how much I was struggling, you'd think it was your fault." Vivian pressed a soft kiss to Siobhan's forehead, tears pooling in her own eyes as she listened.

Siobhan finally looked up at her, her face streaked with tears, her voice trembling. "I love you so much. It's a love I never thought was even possible. And I couldn't bear the thought of you thinking you brought me pain. You're my sunshine in the darkness. You and Jamie."

She paused for a moment just looking into Vivian's compassionate blue eyes, "At times, it felt like you were the only reason I was staying alive." Vivian's eyes closed softly, her breathing all but stopped as the words cut through her.

Her words sent me back to when I was 15, my world was falling apart. The pain consumed me... The only thing that got me through that time alive was therapy. I have never shared that part of my life with her. I think it's time to...

"It hurts to know how much you have been struggling. I know what that's like." The brunette hesitates, "Bon, I think therapy would really help you. It was life changing for me when I was fighting addiction and when I lost my mom."

Siobhan's face fills with confusion, "But... your mom... I've met your mom..." Vivian continued, "Beckett and Athena are my adoptive parents. My mom died in a car accident when I was 15. I had just began to heal from alcoholism when she died." Siobhan's jaw dropped as she whispered, "Viv, you have been through so much. Nobody would ever know it though. You're so strong." Vivian's eyes softened, "Therapy is how I made it through. It's not just talking about your feelings you know... You learn strategies to cope and process things."

Siobhan laid her head back down on Vivian's chest, her fingers finding their way to Vivian's hand. Silence settled over them, but it wasn't heavy like before. It was lighter, almost peaceful.

For the first time in a long time, the darkness in Siobhan's mind felt a little less suffocating. In Vivian's arms, she allowed herself to believe that healing was possible.