Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 8: How about Lunch?

A/N- This chapter is a little longer, but I enjoyed writing it. I'm trying to post a chapter a day, but I'm currently working on my master's degree along with working. I didn't realize how much I would enjoy creating a story... It's a nice little escape. I hope you all are enjoying it as well.

It's Thursday and Siobhan has gone to the Knight Nursery to update the system. Technology can be grand when it works, but such a pain when it fails. Of course, her secret motive for being there was to see Vivian again, she missed her. Just being able to fix her eyes on her warm smile and radiant blue eyes, to have a small chat in the corridor, would satisfy her until their next meeting.

Marjorie walks in to the office seeing Siobhan standing behind her desk clicking away. "Oh! Hi Siobhan, I wasn't expecting you to be here today." Marjorie says with a puzzled look. Siobhan doesn't make the slightest movement, just tells her that she is updating the system. Siobhan notices a woman with beautiful noirette hair and slips out the door past Marjorie without so much as a glance in her direction. Marjorie huffs and says, "Well alright then, don't mind me. I'll just be in here monitoring the update."

Siobhan enters the hallway and sees Vivian doing hand over with Charlotte. She smiles as she watches the single mom giving her last cuddles before Jamie runs off to eat his breakfast. As Vivian turns, her face shines with excitement as she spots Siobhan and makes her way over to her. Charlotte notices a minuscule change in the atmosphere and curiously peers down the narrow hallway seeing a smiling Siobhan. She thinks to herself, "Hm, that's interesting," as she quickly turns to walk to the breakfast table.

I didn't expect to see Siobhan today, but I will definitely take the opportunity. I have been thinking about her since our meeting Monday and hoping that everything has been calm for her. As I'm walking to her, I'm slowly scanning her body and movements for signs of injury. I want to reach out for a hug, but I don't want to make Siobhan uncomfortable or cause her any painful consequences.

"Hiya Siobhan! What are you doing here? Complaints making their way to head office?", Vivian flashes a teasing wink. "Hi Viv, no, this new computer system has an update. Of course nothing runs smoothly if it is not updated promptly." Vivian smiles as she nods knowingly. Siobhan wants to tell Vivian that Roger is going out of town on a business trip, but she can't risk that getting back to Roger.

They quickly part ways since they have no other excuses to keep up the conversation. As Vivian walks away, she stops momentarily and looks back at Siobhan looking longingly at the woman. After Vivian turns to continue out the door, Siobhan turns to get one last look at Vivian before walking back into the office.

When I see Vivian, it feels like life is breathed back into me, I feel lighter. Especially with how hateful Roger has been lately. He hasn't physically hurt me, but the emotional hits have been intense. However, when Vivian gazes at me, she makes me feel like I'm the most important person in her world.

Marjorie looks at the door as Siobhan returns to the office and realizes the woman has a certain glow to her. She wonders what transpired while Siobhan was in the hallway, but she didn't pry. "Siobhan, the update is finished, but while you are here could I ask you something about the merger?" Siobhan turns her head slightly to the side and lazily blinks her eyes, "What is it, Marjorie?" Marjorie hesitates slightly, but continues, "What do you know about Janice? She says that her and Roger go way back, so, like, do you know anything about her? I just want to have an idea of what I'm up against." Siobhan, lacking any expression, states, "Marjorie, I don't know all the people Roger has history with." Marjorie's shoulders slump forward and she hangs her head slightly. Siobhan gathers her things to leave since the update has been completed. She knows that Roger can track the status of updates from his office computer and doesn't want to keep him waiting.

It is now Friday morning and Roger is packing to leave for his business trip out of town over the weekend. Siobhan is down in the kitchen brewing Rogers coffee and pouring the pancake batter on the griddle. She enjoys doing the little things when it is a choice, but it takes the love right out of it when you are threatened to be hit if you don't. She misses the days when it made her feel good to serve Roger this way. When he was gentle and loving to her, not expecting service out of her, but appreciating it when she did. She begins to let her mind wander to what it would be like to cook for Vivian. She quickly shakes her head and feels nothing but guilt for the feelings that flooded her body.

Roger lifts his suitcase to bring it down the stairs and places it by the front door. He enters the kitchen expecting his coffee and breakfast to be waiting on the table. He looks at Siobhan with an approving grin and she feels validated, seen. Then Roger tells her she is a good girl and she begins to feel nauseous. She thinks to herself, "Why do I let myself even have hope that he will cherish me the way I long to be cherished? That's all I want, but this is just how the world is."

I'm finally alone and I can breathe a little knowing that Roger is gone for a few days. I cozy up on the couch with a black fleece blanket, my favorite one, and turn on the TV. I never get to do things like this because Roger doesn't allow it or he has something else in mind to do for the evening. As the episode comes to an end, the final scene pulls me back to my meeting with Vivian and her number that she gave me. I go into my bathroom and grab my face lotion container. I twist the lid off and put my nails between the plastic and the paper like lining in the cap. If Roger found this piece of paper, there would be some severe consequences for me and even Vivian too.

I tiptoe to the phone as if Roger is upstairs sleeping and I'm scared to wake him, it's habit. I dial the number and anxiously wait as it rings. My breath catches in my throat when I hear, "Hiya!" in that joyous tone. "Viv, it's Siobhan." Vivian's heart falls into her stomach, "Siobhan, are you okay?!" Siobhan recognizes the stress in Vivian's voice and quickly lets her know that she is fine. Vivian takes a sigh of relief as she rests her head on the back of the couch placing her thumb on her forehead massaging her forehead with her fingers.

"Roger is out of town for business over the weekend and I wanted to know if we could make plans for tomorrow." Vivian holds her hand to the speaker part of the phone as she jumps up off the couch letting out a whispered "Yes!" Vivian composes herself "Absolutely! Jamie is staying with my mom and dad for the weekend, so how about we meet for lunch? Somewhere at the edge of town?" Vivian is aware by now that Roger Knight is well known around town and meeting somewhere further away would be safer. Siobhan feels like she is bursting as the excitement overtakes her, "Yes Vivian, that would be wonderful!" I hope that wasn't too enthusiastic, but Vivian just makes me feel so free. She makes me feel something I have never felt before. Why do I feel this way?

Vivian tells Siobhan the time and place before telling her goodnight and ending the call.

I can't wait to see Siobhan tomorrow and get to spend time with her outside of the eavesdropping filled nursery! The way this beautiful blonde makes me feel is surreal.