Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 48: Why didn't I...

The paramedics arrive rushing through the door of the meeting room. Charlotte and Vivian both quickly move out of the way. Charlotte grabs her phone to call Mia to let her know what happened. She had become really close with Vivian and Charlotte knew the brunette could use Mia's support. Meanwhile, Vivian remained on the floor just watching on as the paramedics did their job. Her hands trembling and tears streaming down her face as Marjorie made her way towards the broken woman. She knelt down by Vivian and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Marjorie felt Vivian desperately hold on to her wrist as she pulled her arm in tighter.

The paramedics questions break through the haze, "Do any of you know why she passed out?" Vivian swallowed hard, her voice detached and professional responded, "drug overdose— don't know what substance."

It doesn't even sound like my voice saying that. Nobody even knows that Siobhan struggles with addiction. She didn't even tell me— I noticed signs right before she left Roger. Why didn't I notice them this time?

Charlotte dropped her phone as the words reached her ears. The realization of how serious the situation was and imagining how difficult things must have been for the couple broke her heart. Marjorie unintentionally gasps as she spoke softly, "I'm so sorry, Viv."

At that moment, Siobhan's body began convulsing while the paramedics were retrieving the Narcan from their medical bag. He quickly removes the safety components of the injector and swiftly jabs it into Siobhan's thigh. Shortly the seizure ends and her breathing begins to return to normal. The paramedics lift her onto the gurney and wheel her out to the ambulance. Vivian refuses to leave Siobhan's side and hops into the back of the ambulance.

Mia pulls into the car park as the ambulance is leaving. "Charlotte, what happened?" The cold air against her skin keeping her grounded. Worry pierced through her voice as she walked quickly towards the women. Charlotte's voice trembles and breaks, "Mia, Siobhan overdosed." The red head clenches her fists. The image of Siobhan's shaking hands clasping over the pills flashed before her.

Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I stop her? I knew something was wrong... I could have stopped this!

She sprints to her mustang and squeals out of the car park in the direction of the hospital. Tears begin to form causing her eyesight to blur as her hand shakes on the gear shift. The roar of the engine is all she can hear as she races through the streets. She knows once she gets there she will have to be strong for her friend.

Damn it, Siobhan! Why didn't you take my advice and talk to me or Viv? You don't have to go through anything alone anymore... You have people now! You're too much like me— it's a habit— all you have ever had... yourself. What can I do to help her realize what I have? How do I help her embrace the village of people that are there to support her? Vivian's heart has got to be shattered.

As Mia wrestles with her thoughts, Vivian feels alone while she holds Siobhan's cold hand in the ambulance. The sterile smell keeps her from being swallowed up by her emotions. She whispers words of love and affirmation into the air meant for Siobhan to hear.

Vivian rests her elbows on her knees and presses her lips to Siobhan's cold hand. As she closes her eyes, one more whisper drifts into the air, "I love you, Bon. Please don't leave me. You are stronger than you think." Moments from their early days flicker in her mind—how she'd hold her breath with every embrace, the way Siobhan would let her in, leaning into Vivian's comfort. The ambulance jolts to a sudden halt, the brakes screeching sharply. Vivian's eyes snap open as the paramedic's urgent voice pulls her back to reality.

Familiar faces emerge as the ambulance doors swing open. Vivian's co-workers' expressions fall, their sympathy etched in every glance. The paramedics roll Siobhan into a room, immediately hooking her up to machines. Vivian stands just outside, her hand pressed against the window, desperate to be near her love—desperate to hold her. A voice calls out, soft and familiar. "Viv..." She turns to see the redhead approaching, and before she can react, Mia pulls her into a tight embrace.

They separate, neither speaking as they watch the chaos unfolding on the other side of the glass. Tabby and Renee, stationed near the machines, glance toward the window. Their lips curve into small smiles of reassurance as they motion for Vivian to come inside. Her heart flutters at this glimpse of hope. She shuffles into the room, her breath catching as a raspy, trembling voice breaks the still air.

"Viv... Viv, I'm so sorry."

Siobhan's words are cut short as Vivian closes the distance, her lips pressing softly but firmly to Siobhan's. She wraps her arms around the blonde, holding her tightly as if to anchor her to the moment, to life itself.