Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 14: The Ring

Back at Roger's, Siobhan does her best to keep her mind from wandering. She had gotten used to the abuse he put her through, but the agony from what she had to do to Vivian was unbearable. She wanted to be void of all emotion— numb.

Siobhan didn't really have a true reason to live anymore. She had lost the one she thought could be her soulmate, so she went to the downstairs bathroom and reached for an translucent amber bottle. As she took a few of the white oval shaped pills, tears streamed down her cheek.

I don't know how to survive this. If I just hold on long enough, if I just stay alive long enough, maybe I can be happy one day. I need to not feel anymore. Holding on to hope makes this situation impossible to cope with.

She tosses the pills in her mouth and swallows them with water. She stares at herself in the mirror, empty eyes and face sunken, various hues of purple telling the story of her suffering. "Who is this woman in the mirror?" She thinks as she shakily touches her face with her hand.

The numbness takes effect as she sits with Roger to watch a movie. He turns to Siobhan with an ominous look in his eye, "You are going to marry me if you want your precious Vivian to be safe. I knew my spies would dig until they found out who you were with. "

Siobhan's eyes shot open, "That's right, I know all about Vivian and her boy, Jamie." Siobhan's breath catches in her chest and her throat feels like it is closing, "Roger, I'm sorry, I will do anything. Just don't hurt them!" Roger's menacing grin spreads across his face. He knew this would be worse than any physical pain he could ever cause.

Roger pulls out a gold ring set with a large emerald. Roger places the ring on her finger, "Good girl," he says.

Emeralds symbolize rebirth and good fortune, but for me, this one is a shackle. I will never escape this hell, I will never taste freedom again.

He jerks her hand into his and returns attention back to the movie. Siobhan's mind begins to race, tears form. She closes her eyes, counts in her mind to 3. When she opens her eyes, she has officially pulled the plug on her emotions.

I feel a shiver like sensation flood through my body as I start to lose feeling in my face. The heavy air around me feels almost suffocating. It seems as though a knife severs the thread connecting my emotions to my heart. It's like going from hearing the static on the radio to complete silence.

As Siobhan's world dims, somewhere else, the fight for her safety begins.

When Marjorie leaves the nursery for the evening, she meets Reece at his home to share her worry regarding Siobhan. She doesn't have to say much before his face flushes in anger as he clinches his fist. "My dad is abusing Siobhan?! I can't believe I let this happen! How could I have been so naive to think he wouldn't do the same things to her that he did to us?"

Reece slams his hands down on the table in front of him. Marjorie's eyes fill with tears and says, "Darling, there's no way you could have known." Reece drops his head into his hands, "We have to help her, Marjorie. He will kill her. If I hadn't been there for Autumn when we were younger, he would have killed her. He almost did."

I can feel Reece's pain as he reacts. I didn't realize his experience with his father was so intense. It breaks my heart hearing him blame himself. He is such a good man, nothing like the monster who raised him.

A few days later, Siobhan is back at the nursery. It's a day that Jamie is scheduled to be in. She spent most of the morning in the office, not wanting to interact with Vivian. Siobhan has to talk with the receptionist, Agatha. As if it were fate, Vivian enters the nursery and sees Siobhan. Vivian's body comes to a halt as the pain from Monday courses through her. She takes a deep breath, she feels a stabbing pain, but she begins to move again.

Vivian greets both women and goes straight to drop Jamie off with Charlotte. As Vivian leaves, Siobhan is walking back into the office, but stops in her tracks as she sees Vivian approaching. "Bon—" Vivian begins, her voice trembling. As Siobhan adjusts her hair, Vivian sees it, the ring. Vivian immediately runs to the bathroom, barely making it to a stall before she vomits.

I want to comfort Vivian, but I can't. I have to keep her safe. I have to keep Jamie safe, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.

She is engaged?! Why Siobhan? She is terrified of him! What does this mean for us? Is there any hope left?