I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 21 - The Truth About Me Part 2

*Emma's pov*

So lets get all this in order. Jess' mum was raped and became pregnant with Jess. Jess then got herself a girlfriend who lead her to her biological dad who then raped her. Jess was saved by a girl who walked in on them. That girl was me. No one apart from my family, Jess' family, the police and one other person knew. I'd had nightmares ever since then. They're not as frequent anymore though I get them a few times a month and thinking about it they did increase again when I became a heartbeat. It's like my brain was screaming to me that it's her. That's girl you walked in on being raped by a member of your family. I made the excuse that I needed to call people about the weekend, which I did but to be honest it could have waited until the morning. Holly followed me out of the kitchen because she needed a word...

"Nice going in there Em. Jess needed you and you bailed on her. Smooth, real smooth." Holly had to try to keep her voice down as Jess was only in the next room

"You wouldn't understand." I snapped back, and immediately felt bad, Holly wasn't to know what was going through my head. "I left for Jess' sake. If she saw me completely breaking down and chucking my guts up, do you really think that would help her?" I asked. It was harsh, but everything was coming back to me, the images, the noises that had taken me years to get out of my head. They all came flooding back and my stomach really didn't like it.

"What do you mean? Why would you be throwing up?" Holly asked, she was so confused

"BECAUSE IT WAS ME!" I shouted and paused to compose myself again, "It was me that walked in on Karl and Jess three and a bit years ago. It took me two an a half years to get the images and noises out of my head and now they're all coming back." I ran of to the toilet and threw up. It wasn't long before Holly came and sat next to me to hold my hair back and rub my back.

"I'm so sorry Em... I didn't even know why he stopped raping her. She never told me." Holly apologised

"It's fine. I just worked so hard to forget about it. But you never really do, it just stays in the back of your head waiting to creep back up on you." I could feel the tears coming again and I let them fall. There was silence again apart from me crying and continuing to throw up.

"What are you doing on the weekend then?" Holly asked

"Jess offered to take me to... To the place it all happened. It's exactly the same house. I can't let her take me. That's not fair. I need to speak to her. I don't want to hurt her any more than she's already been hurt taking her back there." I explained

"Take me back where?" Jess asked I'm not sure how long she'd been stood there. I stood up. That was a bad idea because I felt a wave on nausea again. Jess came over and started rubbing my back instead of Holly. It relaxed me.

"Take you back to where it all happened." I said in between mouthfuls of pepperoni pizza going the wrong way.

"Em, it's only the same region of England. Yorkshire's the biggest county in England, the chances of going back to the same place are so small." I just looked at Holly who looked at me, "What? Why are throwing up?" Jess asked

"Because Jess, I... It... I don't know how to tell you..." I stuttered

"Tell me what?" Jess asked she was getting worried

"I'm that girl that walked in on you. If you take me back to Yorkshire, you'd be staying in the same house and quite probably in the same room." I spewed again

"I'm sorry. I'm still taking you up though." Jess told me. She's so sweet, but I can't let her go through all that.

"Jess, believe me when I say that it brings it up fresh. I had to go and stay with my grandma whenever we went up to Yorkshire and just stepping foot in the house made me throw up. I can't do that to you. Especially because it's obviously still fresh on your mind. I still have nightmares every night when I'm there. I still have night mares about it anyway." I got quieter towards the end

"What about?" Holly asked

"Well, when I walked in, to say Karl was pissed was a bit of an understatement, so he came for me. However, before he managed to do anything too bad, Jess knocked him out or something. I can't really remember what happened after that." I told her

"What so he tried to rape you too?" Holly questioned, I just nodded.

"I'm gonna ring Rach and see if I can stay here tonight. I don't think I'd be able to make it out of this door, let alone go home." I told them

"Okay, you really don't have to go to school tomorrow either." Jess added

"I'll think about it." I really wanted to go to school. My best friends are there and obviously my haters are but I can't sit around all day drowning in self pity. That would kill me.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for reading and voting :D Feedback is welcome!

Emma xx