I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 62 - SOUP!!!

*Jessie's pov* *Still the flashback*

"Girls, the thing is..." I trailed off thinking about what I was going to tell them. I guess they deserve to know what I do behind their backs, my guilty pleasure is another name for it. I was the one who slit Emma's unmarked wrist. I was the one who hurt her. I could have killed her because she was possibly saving my life. And Emma shouldn't have to lie to cover up my wrong doings. "I-"

"Yeah okay. I do cut." Emma cut me off. I couldn't move as she had me dumbfounded. I couldn't believe she was lying to protect me. To protect me from what my best friends might say. How pathetic of me. "This a the first time in a while but you could say I do. I'd rather not talk about it though. Can we move on?" Emma asked. My jaw was hung open, I was unable to speak. Pity was the look on both Holly and Clair's faces whilst I only felt guilt. It seriously feels as thought Emma has covered up a murder that I committed.

"We can help you get through this Ems. I know you're strong enough to do it and get over it. I can feel it." Clair pulled Emma in for a hug whilst eyeing me suspiciously. I think Clair knows I cut, so I shuffled my feet and my legs so I could hide my scar properly.

"Em, if you ever need to talk to anyone, you can talk to us. Any of us. You have our numbers." Holly smiled whilst rubbing Emma's arm reassuringly.

"I know. Thanks girls." Emma replied whilst squeezing Clair tighter. I felt a pang of jealousy rise in me. I want- no need to be squeezed tighter by Emma.

"Jess?" Holly asked as she prolonged my name.

"Hol?" I asked, short and quickly.

"Is the soup ready yet?" I giggled. Trust Holly to skip to the food based topic of conversation.

I inspected the boiling soup pans and found that the soup was ready and luckily not burned after the time Emma and I spent in the bathroom. "It's ready girls. Take your pick." I gestured to the pans. I made way too much soup for the four of us. I'll just freeze it down and save it.

We all made a little conversation over our midnight feast. We didn't talk much though. I think We were all trying to avoid the subject of self harming but it's the only thing we, or I could think about. I still can't believe that Emma would do that for me. It's stupid though because Holly and Clair are my best friends I should tell them everything. It makes me feel guilty how I can''t tell them. "Jess. You should reply to them. Let them know that they don't get you down." Emma spoke up randomly.

"I don't know... That can back fire sometimes." I acknowledged.

"Yeah but if you don't don something about it the heartbeats will and they'd make another wrong to them. You always say two wrongs don't make a right, and we'd all find it hilarious." Emma started giggling towards the end, probably thinking of the possibilities. I considered what this could do for me. It could tell my heartbeats I'm strong and always laugh at the haters, even though I don't, or it could give the haters something more to laugh at, but then I could prove to Emma how I'm improving and that I can take it now. I picked up my phone and started typing;

Some people telling me I haven't got a life on here! Yet who is spending time leaving mean comments of soup?! Lmao! :'D :'D haters keep me young boy! Forever laughing at the foolishness.

"Done." I spoke when I pressed comment, giggling slightly to myself. All three girls had picked up their phones to see what I'd written.

"Oh my God Jess. You have to have the best fanbase ever." Holly giggled.

"Of course she does." Emma said defensively. Is it bad that I found this cute?

"Thanks Em. And Hol, I know I do. They always support me" I told her.

"Good. I'm glad they do." Clair glanced up at Emma and back towards me and smiled.

"They need to know that you don't care. That you see it as one big joke and you can joke with them." Emma added. I guess she's right. I started typing something else out.

Oh I might even go really crazy and have a mars bar at 3am! Omg! What will people say about that?! :'D :'D :'D :'D

"I feel so detached from them recently. I've hardly given them anytime." I sighed reading some of the heartbeats comments. "They support me so it's only right that I support them. Twitter allows me to do that." I muttered the last bit.

"You do know it's for your own good right? Holly and Clair have both been saying how happier you are since I took twitter away from you." Emma spoke softly.

"I know but I miss my heartbeats."

"You could do an instavideo?" Emma suggested.

"On what though?"

"About soup and haters?" Holly smirked.

"C'mon Jess, it will be some entertainment for us too." Clair persuaded me.

I skipped into the living room feeling happier than ever at the moment for no aparent reason, that's what my best friends can do to me. They can always make me smile, especially Emma. I got into a strange position and made sure the camera angle was right so people couldn't see much of my house. I freaks me out enough that people can easily work out where I live, I don't want them to know what my house looks like on the inside. I switched the camera around to face me and pressed the record button and started to speak. "So it seems that I'm not allowed to cook soup because it's nearly midnight and I should be in bed according to a lot of people, and errr it doesn't look very nice, but funny enough you're not invited so errr, BYEEEE!" I threw my phone on the sofa after typing out Hahahahahaha so much jokes right from these soup comments! @isthathollyp made me do it!!! Holly, Clair, Emma and I just couldn't stop ourselves from laughing at my stupidity basically. I can tell tonight is going to be a good night.

*End of flashback*

I giggled slightly to myself at that night. We really did have a great sleepover, just sitting up and chatting and messing about. Glanced at Emma who was looking at her wrist and lightly tracing the long slit on her wrist. I would have said it needed stitches because it was very deep but Emma insisted that it was fine, and does seem to be healing okay. "I'd have to say a well made simple tomato would have to be my favourite." Emma spoke making me jump and remembering that we were on a hangout and I still have to answer the question.

"Mine favourite soup is... I like then all really... Errrm... It would have to be vegetable. It's just really healthy and easy to make with stuff that needs to be used up in the fridge." I justified my answer.

The rest of the hangout ran smoothly. We all had a joke and a laugh about but as soon as the camera went off I turned deadly serious. I clipped the lead on to Jackson's harness and grabbed Emma's hand, smiling as the electricity shot through me, and called to the others to make themselves at home whilst Emma and I went for a walk.

"Jess where are we going?" Emma asked almost running to keep up with my pace.

"The church? Will it be open?" I asked.

"No. We've just missed the Wednesday service." I slowed down at Emma's words and loosened my grip on her hand. I didn't really want her to lose her fingers. Emma however didn't let go of my hand, she just looked up at me and smiled. We continued our peaceful walk hand in hand along the cycle track enjoying each other's peace and company.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: UPDAAATE :D I'm sorry it's been so long but I had a chemistry exam in Tuesday so I've been busy with that. Good luck to everyone who has exams this month, I know there's a few of you.

Dedicated to everyone for waiting so long for the update :) thank you for reading, commenting and voting. And sorry for the long wait.

Emma xx