I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 77 - 27th October 2013 - Clair's

*Jessie's POV*

@loveforcornish: @JessieJ maybe try not speaking in riddles and get straight to the point. you may not need to justify yourself so much" ----> I fancy/date/love men and only men 👍 is that "straight to the point" enough?

So I was on one of my twitter rants again. I'd been having a lot of them recently and none of my tweets actually being less than one hundred and forty characters long. That tweet was a mistake though. I know I've been thinking and saying that I'm straight recently, but after reading the letter Clair left in her will made me realise that I was wrong. And now being on tour and away from Emma has shown me how much I long for her to be in my arms. How much I long to kiss her. How much I long to make her mine.

I pulled up outside my parents house and tweeted that tweet and regretted it straight away in knowing that Emma will see it, and, if what Clair said was true, it'll hurt her more than anything I've done so far. I turned my phone off to silence all the notifications that I was suddenly getting and threw my phone deep into my bag. I climbed out of Mark's car (mine is still at home) and walked up to the door to be greeted by my mother. I didn't give anyone a chance to speak before I engulfed her in a hug. I've been needing this for a while. "Jess it's good to see you too babe." My mum chuckled.

"Sorry." I spoke whilst pulling away. "It's just... Never mind."

"Why don't we have a chat? I'm not going to let you keep how you're really feeling away from me any more." My mum spoke sternly. It's understandable really. If my daughter tried to do what I did then I'd have to know how she was feeling one hundred per cent of the time.

I followed mum into the kitchen and sat down at the table whilst my mum made us some honey and lemon tea. "So what's worrying you babe?" She asked as she sat down herself.

"Where's Emma?" I asked first.

"She still in bed. I don't think she's been sleeping very well recently." Mum's voice got quieter as she began to ponder.

"Okay... Well you know I'm straight...?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes." Mum replied.

"I was wrong. I've always been gay. You know that. I've been an idiot." My head fell into my hands as I started to sob.

"Jess, you're bit perfect. Nobody is. We all make mistakes. You're not the only one." Mum reassured me.

"But now Emma's gonna think that I don't love her." Mum reached out for my hand.

"Emma still loves you Jess. I told you the two of you were special together."

"But I-"

"Jess, stand up for the love. Stand up for what you believe in. Emma still loves you, you just have to remind her that you love her too." Mum cut me off.

"I've fucked her around so much already and we've only been friends for all of five minutes." I sighed.

"And she's suck by you every step of the way. She'll be good for you. Way better than Kira." That stung my heart. I felt the blood drain out of my face. "You remember now don't you?" I just nodded as a fresh tear rolled down my cheek.

"How long have you known?" Mum wiped away my tear.

"I remembered Christmas... I had one of my nightmares on the morning of the ninth of this month.. And Ki- I can't even say her name... Just now. How could she do that to me, mum? I loved her." I sobbed again.

"Jess, you've been over her for a long time now. And you've got Emma now. Don't think about her." I nodded and sniffed. I've just made my life a lot more messed up than it already was. I really have a nack of making things difficult for myself. "Why don't you go and freshen up and wake Emma up? She's in your room." I nodded and finished the rest of my tea. I left the room as mum started to put some slices of bread in the toaster.