I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 42 - One of Those Nights

*Emma’s pov*

I changed into a vest and pyjama trousers. That’s one thing you should know about me. I don’t wear shorts, skirts or dresses. The shortest I’ll go is knee length if I really do have to wear them  I’m just self conscious and that’s why I hate going shopping especially with friends. Unfortunately she was right, I do need new clothes.

There she is again…. Jess. Jessie. Jessie J. Jessica. Jessica Ellen Cornish. Whoever you know her as, you’ll know that she never sets out to purposely hurt anyone. It’s not in her nature. She always puts other people’s need in front of her own. She hates it when she gets ill and she feels as if she has let everyone down and feels the need to apologise which is a load of bollocks! She’s human for fucks sake and anyone who complains or gives her a load of shit because she’s ill and then still calls themselves a heartbeat can piss off please.

That is what I’m sure off. I’m not sure about many things in my life at the moment. I know that Jess wouldn’t try to kiss me if she didn’t want to hurt me, and Holly does know her better than most people and she wouldn’t lie would she?

I’m also pretty certain that she’ll be thinking that I hate her and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’d never be able to find it in me to hate Jess. She’s too adorable and doesn’t have a bad bone in her body. Maybe if I replied to her text then she’d feel better.

Jess, stop apologising. It’s okay and I understand. Just relax and get some sleep yeah? The deal still stands. The first sign of a nightmare and  you call me. No questions asked. I’ll always be here for you no matter what xx

I couldn’t put ‘I love you’ on the end, I just couldn’t. What if she really meant it though? Wouldn’t it be leading her on if I told her I love her back? It would but it wouldn’t if you get what I mean? You probably don’t though, my mind is very messed up and I wouldn’t blame you.

The truth is I do really really like her. I can’t get her out of my. And now I’m quoting Kylie Minogue. But seriously I can’t. I just don’t want to be in a relationship with her. See? It makes no sense but it’s just how I feel. I’m just scared of what would happen if she decided she didn’t like me. Scared of what would happen if we went public. Scared of what would happen if we separated.

People say that love is full of risks and that it’s meant to test you and your lover. If you really do love each other then you will get through those challenges together.

I was exactly like this with Harrison though. I’d really liked Harrison for over a year before he finally asked me out. All the way through that year, everyone who knew I liked him always asked me “If he asked you out would you say yes?” And my reply was always “No.”

Everyone was always confused because they could all see how much I liked him. I didn’t want to have a relationship with him though because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. He was my best friend. He never failed to make me laugh when I was sad. I could always be myself around him and I could have told him anything.

Of course that’s all in the past now. I don’t trust him at all. I feel I always have to be careful what i say around him. Oh well, back to the point. When he did eventually ask me out I didn’t even hesitate to say yes. My heart won that battle but my head won the ongoing war. Every day over the last two weeks there’s been a little voice in my head saying “I told you so.”

Maybe me and Jessie would end up like that though. Maybe she’s the one and we’ll stay together forever. What’s the chances in that though? I mean, I am only fourteen.

I sighed as I turned my light on and started looking for a piece of paper and a pen. There was nothing around, which is unusual because I normally have a good supply handy just incase it’s one of these nights.