I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 57 - Tuesday 23rd July 2013 - Connected

*Emma's pov*

I woke up around midnight after a small nightmare. I say small, it wasn't really I was just used to it. The one that I get every month where my granddad was alive and had Alzheimer's. Except in my dream he still remembered who I was. He could still recognise me. The feeling I'd get when I realised he'd recognised me was phenomenal. It didn't last long though because it would get proved to me that he's remembered me and then he'd literally drop dead on me. I have the largest range of nightmares anyone could possibly have.

This nightmare was different though. It was the same, but different. Jess and I had grown up. Jess was mid-seventies and I was mid-sixties and Jess had Alzheimer's. She knew who I was, she still recognised me and I noticed it. It was that point that I got scared because I could remember the dreams about my granddad. She didn't drop dead however, she sat down and we chatted. We we're remembering the good times and she randomly asked me for a cup of tea so I obliged and went to the kitchen to make one for her. I came back with two cups of tea and sat next to her. I placed her cup of tea on the table. She stared at me for a minute, taking in my features. She leaned in slightly and I honestly thought she was going to kiss me as she lifted her hand to my cheek. I relaxed into her hand as she smoothed my cheek, leaning ever closer and closer. We were millimetres apart when she pulled away. "Sorry, w-who are you?" I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "I don't know who you are. Can you leave please?" I woke up with a start and continued to cry.

I guess it was a big nightmare. It really shook me up though. Seeing Jess and myself at that age and still together really blew me away. I'd love to be that age and still be with Jess. I want nothing more than it. But then she forgot. My biggest fear would be Jessie ever forgetting about me. If it didn't last, I'd hope that I'd make a good enough impression to still be remembered and hopefully not for the bad things that have happened

After a few minutes I'd managed to pull myself together and went in search of Jessie. I needed to make sure she was okay. I know she won't have Alzheimer's but I still feel uneasy about not knowing how she was. I threw my hoodie on and knocked lightly on the door before opening it.

Jess wasn't there but her phone was lying on the bed, unlocked on a conversation with Clair. Clair was saying how she might not go because she didn't want to leave Jessie on her own. I took Clair and Holly's number off Jess' phone and placed her phone back on her bed.

I looked around and noticed a draw full of art stuff was open. There were a few pages of amazing pencil drawings and a few pages of poems. I left being nosy where it was and walked out of the room.

I walked down the stairs as quietly as I could to find Jessie not there. I sighed as I walked into the kitchen and made myself a glass of water. I drank it as I walked back upstairs and by the time I'd reached my bed I needed a pee and new glass of water. I sighed again and made my way to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry, I-" I froze as I realised what Jess was doing. She can't be? But she's so strong. I don't understand why.

"Shit." I heard Jess mumble as she threw her piece of equipment on the floor. Why she felt the need to do it I'll never know. I didn't want her to see me cry so I turned around and closed the door as was saying something.

I gave her some time. Or I gave myself some time. I can't bear to see her like that, I never expected this. I knew she was hiding something but I didn't think it was something as big as this. No one should ever feel the need to cut.

"Errrrm... I want to..." I sighed as I walked back in again. Jess was trying to catch every bit of blood that was falling out of her leg. It was an almost impossible task. I think I made her cut deeper than she was planning to. It's my fault. "Just clean yourself up and meet me in my room. We need some serious words." Was all I could muster as I turned around again and left to the bedroom.