I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 73 - Memories

*Jessie's pov*

I went off for some scans. Nothing particularly interesting happened to be honest. All I did was lie down and got slid in and out of a giant metal tube. When I got back I was awfully disappointed to find Emma not sat with Holly and Danny. My heart dropped a bit, I'm not really sure why, but I really wanted Emma to be there.

Emma confuses me. Well not her herself... But the way I react unconsciously to her. The butterflies in my stomach when she smiles. The sparks when we touch. The way my heart beats faster when she laughs. Anyone would think that I was gay. But I'm not. I'm just putting that out there. I have nothing against gays, I just couldn't imagine myself being one.

"So Jess, what's the verdict?" Holly asked distracting me from my thoughts.

"Oh errrrm... They think I'm fine. They just have to double check the blood tests or something." I smiled, my mind still in a different place to my body.

"Are you okay Jess?" Danny asked.

"Yeah I'm fine." I smiled. "How are you Dan?" I returned sympathetically.

"Meh." Was his blunt reply. I don't blame him. I had wanted to kill myself when I found out Clair had gone.

"Dan, I'm here if you want a chat okay? I'm not going anywhere anymore." I took hold of his hand that was resting on the bed.

"Thanks Jess." He paused. "Mark and Glen said that we could take a break for a bit to "let me get my head around everything that's happened"," He mocked. "I don't want to be at home all day though. It still smells of her." A tear slipped his eye.

"Why don't you stay with me? I have plenty of room and it'll stop everyone worrying because I'll have someone with me to look after me." I proposed.

"I wouldn't want to intrude on your life though. I don't want to depress yo- sorry." Danny apologised.

"We're both going to be grieving over Clair, and I can't get much more depressed right now. It only makes sense to do this together." I was probably only doing it for my own selfishness, but I did want to help Danny and make sure he's okay.

"Okay... I guess you'll need someone to look after you when Emma's at school." Danny reasoned. A small smile appearing on his lips.

"Oh. My. God. Don't get my started on Emma." Holly grumbled.

"Holly. She hasn't done anything wrong." I justified for Emma.

"Of course she has. You don't deserve her Jess. She can't look after you." Holly argued back.

"What would you know Hol? You haven't been here." I replied.

"Do you think that I'm happy that both of my best friends are living hundreds of miles away? No actually scrap that. One lives hundreds of miles away and the other is dead." She stood up and stormed out of the room. I made no attempts to stop her. I turned to Danny who hadn't moved. He had no expression on his face. He was looking at anything, just staring into the distance with silent tears streaming down his face.

"Dan... Ignore her. She's just upset and protective." I justified for Holly.

"I just miss her so much." He sobbed, hiding his face in his hands.

"I miss her too. Things aren't gonna be the same without Clair, but Clair would want us to carry in with our lives." I told myself more than Danny.

I'm so ashamed of what I've done. I totally overreacted. The pain I put everyone through is unforgivable, I mean, everyone thought I was dead... Everyone apart from Emma. Emma seems to have the most faith in me. She's the most understanding. I feel like I've let her down more than anyone else. I promised her that I was gonna stop. I promised her I wasn't going to hurt myself anymore and I took it all the way.