I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 56 - Meet The Family

IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS AUTHOR'S NOTE: there is a scene of self harm at the end of this chapter just after Jessie receives some hate. Please do not feel the need to hurt yourself after reading this, and if you think you will feel like that then please don't read the chapter. If any of you ever need a chat just drop me a message or a dm.

Emma xx




*Jessie's pov*

"Em, Em babe, wake up." I gently shook Emma awake, she looked up at my face questioning why I woke her. "It's half past seven, the dinner is ready." Emma who was still half asleep looked so cute, I'd love to be able to wake up to this every morning.

"Okay..." Emma said standing up and stretching.

"Are you feeling better now?" I asked doing the same.

"Yeah, I think it was mainly due to the lack of sleep. That can happen right? You can pass out if you don't have enough sleep?" I nodded. "I'm fine honestly. What's for dinner?"

"Dad's done a barbecue do there's going to be sausages, burgers, lamb steaks, chicken wings.... A lot of meat.., but there will be salad too." I reassured. "You will try and eat some won't you? You haven't eaten much today and that won't help either." Emma just nodded in response. "Come on then. Let's go and meet the rest of them." I grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her out to the blinding light outside. Considering it was half past seven it was still really warm, the perfect temperature for a vest top and shorts.

I dragged Emma to the food table that was piled high with every type of barbecue food that you can imagine. I stacked my plate with a mixture of meat and salad whilst Emma only had a lamb steak and a few lettuce leaves. I was really worried about the way she was eating. It isn't healthy.

Once I'd convinced Emma to grab some more salad I pulled her over to the picnic bench with added camp tables and chairs so the whole family could sit around it. I loved doing this, just being able to chill out and relax with my family. I'm going to include Emma as family because I'd do anything to protect her and maybe one day she'll be part of the family because sometimes dreams come true.

Emma and I were sat opposite Callum, Hannah's husband, and Scarlett. I was engaged in conversation with Callum whilst Emma kept Scarlett happy. "So how's work going?" I asked Callum. I'm always interested what's going on in the real world other than the world I live in. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own little bubble I forget that other people have lives and real jobs.

"It's going great Jess. Me and some of the lads are going over to Cyprus on a training course." Callum explained.

"That sounds like fun. What kind of job makes you go to Cyprus on a training course?" Emma asked light heartedly. She does seem to be a lot better now that she's had some sleep and some food.

"I'm a marine."

"You're a marine?!" Emma repeated excitedly.

"Well no. I just said it because I could." Emma poked her tongue out at him which earned her one off Callum. "We're based in Plymouth but the lads are from all over the place. My best mate Steve is from Exeter." Callum examined and Emma's eyes lit up.

"Steve's last name wouldn't be Winterburn would it?" Emma asked. This conversation was a little weird. There's probably thousands of Steves who live in Exeter.

"Yeah it is.... Do you know him?" Callum asked a little freaked out.

"Yeah. He... Was my uncle." Emma sighed and left the table to go and play football with Scarlett and Reuben.

"Was? I don't understand Jess. He's not... You know.... Is he?" Callum asked. You could see the panic in his eyes. I guess in their job it's easy for them to think like that. !

"Not that I'm aware of... But Emma is having a spot of family trouble. I'm sure they'd be able to sort things out." I explained carefully trying not to give anything away. It's not my job to tell people what's happened to Emma.


Callum understood that I didn't want to talk about it, but I made him make sure that Steve wouldn't lose touch with Emma. I want Emma to still be able to trust her family as well as mine. We all crowded into the loving room at about half past ten when it eventually got to cold to stay outside anymore. Hannah, Callum, Rachel, Charlie and the kids left as they all had school and work in the morning. Emma decided that she wanted to go to bed too after yawning for the millionth time. I showed her where she would be sleeping and left her in peace. I could have swarm I heard gentle snores coming from her before I even closed the door properly. Not long after mum and dad went off to bed leaving me to my own thoughts and devices downstairs.

I remember being a kid here. I remember sitting on this sofa and crying over my first break up. I remember sitting on this sofa with Holly and Clair staying up all night watching horror movies. I remember sitting on this sofa thinking about my illness when I was first diagnosed. I remember sitting on the sofa and dreaming about singing to anyone that wants to listen. I remember dreaming about selling out the O2 arena in London, which I still do dream about. I think it's important and healthy to always have dreams and goals to work towards.

My phone flashed at me alerting me to a message from Clair.

I just realised I never really thanked you properly for not going mental on Danny and I... We've been a bit busy today ;) but thank you Jess for always being there for me and being my best friend. I know I'd be no where without you :* <3

This was sweet but I do wonder why she sent it.

That's so sweet babe. Thank you for never leaving my side through those dark and difficult times :*
What's brought all this thankfulness on then Thomas? What do you want :P <3

I joked. I love Clair and I'm going to miss her so much when she leaves. I was feeling extremely bored waiting for Clair to reply so I took a couple of selfies.... Maybe five or six... But I chose the best one and opened up Instagram.

One of the best days I've had in a long time. :D Just spent it chillaxing with my family. I wish @isthathollyp and @clintcard were here too though :(

I clicked post and it was up. I counted down the seconds to my first piece if hate. God knows why I read them, I just like to know what people think of me I guess.

Slut.

Bitch.

Cunt.

Just the typical amount of hate that anyone gets. I wasn't surprised.

Stop trying to be like Miley Cyrus.

I laughed at that one. People have always tried to compare me to other artists and I always try to be like myself and no one else.

I hope the bitch does actually get cancer.

I hope she dies from it.

That hurt a little. Okay, it hurt a lot. Ever since I shaved my head people have decided I have cancer. I thought it would be obvious that I did it for a good cause.

Hurry up and die already.

How lovely. I really don't know what I've done to get all of these.

She doesn't deserve to be alive and her family don't deserve to be either if they're talking to that filthy dyke. Just go and kill yourself @isthatjessiej

I felt warm liquid falling down my cheeks as I read the last one. It's one thing criticising me, but my family however. My family don't deserve to have me as a daughter. They shouldn't have to have this hate about them. I always keep my private life private and my family away from the line light but there's always occasions where it seeps through. I locked my phone as the tears fell quicker and faster. I quietly slipped into the bathroom and decided to have a shower to try and clear my head.

I turned the shower on and waited for the water to heat up for a few minutes. I stepped in and just stood there. The water was slightly too hot but it took my mind off things and it took the pain away. I tried thinking about the people that I love, like my parents, Holly, Clair, Emma and the heartbeats. I love each and every heartbeat out there. I know I've met barely any of them but it's their dream to meet and mine to meet every single one. I want to be able to support them and be there for them, be the big sister that they never had but needed. I thought about what they'd think when they saw me with burn marks all over my skin from this shower. I shut the shower off slightly too forcefully and slipped my silk dressing gown on them.

I know everyone would be disappointed if they knew how I dealt with times like this. They'd all call me a hypocrite.

I popped my head around Emma's bedroom door on the way back to my room. She'd fallen asleep with her phone in her hand. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully for once. She was just adorable. I crept into the room and took her phone gently out of her hand so not to wake her up. I pulled the duvet over her and kissed her forehead gently as she snuggled down. Just watching and caring for Emma has brought my mood back up but I still felt like shit.

I slid some underwear on and just as I was searching for a baggy t-shirt I caught myself in the mirror. The back of my neck was starting to come out red. Brilliant. Then my eyes fell on my thighs. I looked at the pale scars in my legs. I'm surprised no one's noticed them before. My legs are pale though and only I know they're there so people wouldn't expect them. I never cut very deep, just enough to take the pain away, so they don't scar forever.

I keep a craft knife in my draw full of crafty stuff here so it's not strange of anyone accidentally comes across it. It's only a foot away from where I'm stood now. Just one step. One step and all the pain will be gone. One step- *BUZZ BUZZ*

My phone lit up. Clair had text me. It wouldn't have been the first she's saved me from doing this.

It's okay babe, you've done the same for me :*
I'm just trying to be nice to my bestest friend in the world because I'll be leaving her. Maybe I shouldn't go...... :/ xx

This is Clair's dream. She just has to go. She's helped me achieve mine and I'm going to help her achieve hers.

Babe, I'll still be able to talk message you and Skype you and stuff. It's only for a year anyway. It's your dream Clair, you should never give up on your dreams and never let anyone hold you back xx

I pressed send and thank fuck she replied immediately.

But I don't want to leave you on your own, especially now that Holly's going away too...xx

I'd completely forgotten that both of my best friends would be leaving. The people I love the most are leaving me. Tears were starting to fly down my cheeks. I pulled open my draw and pulled out the craft knife. The coolness of the blade in my hand made me want to do it even more, it made me crave the feeling of the blade entering my skin. I almost ran to the bathroom for more privacy and closed the door behind me.

I sat on the toilet with the lid down and made the skin on my thoughts visible. the scars were glowing, almost as if they knew what was coming, they knew they'd get more friends. The hate words swimming around in my head as well as Holly and Clair leaving for a year. I rested the blade on my skin and counted to three in my head before slowly applying more and more pressure and dragging it along. I watched as the few drops of blood started to drop down my leg. It made the pain I felt in my heart better but didn't cute it, not at all. I prepared my self for another slit a few centimetres away from the first one. I counted to three again and as I started applying pressure I was interrupted, which made me jump and cut a massive, deep line across my leg. "Shit." I said throwing the blade on the floor, grabbing some toilet paper and trying to catch the blood.

"I'm sorry I-" I looked up into the beautiful sea blue eyes that belonged to Emma and I automatically felt guilty. I hadn't thought about Emma at all in this. Holly and Clair might be going places but Emma isn't, and neither are my parents. I've been so selfish, all the shit that going on in Emma's life at the moment haven't reduced her to this.

"Em, I can expla-" I was cut off by the door closing with Emma on the other side of it. "For fucks sake." I muttered to myself as I was using more and more tissue to stop the blood. The tissue wasn't helping so I used one of my parents' white fluffy towels. I'll take it home and wash it myself, that way I don't have to explain why there's blood all over their towels.

"Errrrm... I want to..." Emma sighed and looked at me sympathetically. "Just clean yourself up and meet me in my room. We need some serious words." Emma said sternly and closed the door behind her. I think I have some explaining to do....



AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'm soooo sorry and I'd understand if you all hate me now but I think it was quite obvious what was going to happen... Hopefully this will be the only predictable part of the fanifc... I doubt it but yeah....

As I said earlier if any of you feel like you ever need to talk to someone about anything then just drop me a message :)

This would have been up a few days ago but I've had no internet whatso ever for the last week which is why I haven't been reading any fanfics either... But the good news is that I've written half of the next chapter so it shouldn't be too long until that's up... At the moment there's no self harm in it... Just reference to it...

Shout out to @JadeWithers, Iove you baby and take no notice of Drew :*

Dedicated to @JessieJFF for all the support :D

Thanks for sticking throught this chapter and the whole book really... Something WILL happen soon, but this book is called I Will Wait for a reason....

Thanks for commenting, voting and reading :D

Emma xx