I Will Wait [Jessie J]

Chapter 54 - 22nd July 2013 - Essex

*Emma’s pov*

There was the usual silence with a small amount of small talk you get over dinner until Clair told us, or just Danny, that she was going to travel around the world. You could see the sparkle in Danny’s eyes leave as he realised what that meant. It was honestly heartbreaking, but he acted cool and wouldn’t let Clair not go.

The new couple didn’t stay long after dinner with Danny making the excuse he wanted an ‘early night’ or in other words ‘I want to fuck my girlfriend before she goes away’. It was only when we were waving them off that I noticed the police presence around the house. It just made everything seem so real. Jess closed the door before pulling me in for a hug.

We didn’t do much after that apart from go to bed. It took much persuading for me to persuade myself to persuade Jess that I would be fine sleeping alone. How can I put this better? I had to persuade Jess to let me sleep alone even though I would have loved to sleep with Jess again. I would have loved to say I had a troubleless sleep without Jess, just like I told her, but I didn’t and I struggled to keep my eyes open on the drive to Jess parents. I was scared shitless about meeting them, I felt so uneasy about it all. I thought I recognised Jess’ parents but I just put it down to them being Jess’ parents.

I’m going to meet the family of the girl I love. That also doesn’t help my nerves. What if they don’t like me? What if they don’t like what I’m wearing? What if they think I’ve brought too much trouble to their youngest daughter already? They’re already going to hate my family so why not hate me too?

I’m being stupid now aren’t I? Jess wasn’t brought up to judge people so why should her parents judge me? Jess knows I’m completely different to the likes of my dad and Karl, or hopefully she does anyway. There was no way I'd ever dream to be like them.

Jess has repeated told me I look fine so why am I even worrying. I'm basically wearing the same thing as Jess, skinny Jeans and a best top, but Jess was wearing shorts. Much to Jess' disappointment I refused to wear shorts and I don't even own a pair anyway and if never fit into a pair of hers, so she was stumped on that one.

I sighed and fell back into the seat and watched the scenery fly past the window. I turned to my right and looked straight past Jessie. I just can't look at her in the eye right now knowing I'd end up saying something I shouldn't. I caught the eye of the passenger in the unmarked police car driving on our flank. To say Rose was shocked when Jess told her about the police escort was an understatement. She nearly had a heart attack. She's worried now though because Jess refused to tell her what had happened over the phone. I would have preferred it if she did though to be honest with you. It means I wouldn't have to be there to see their reactions when they hear about what's happened and how their baby girl has been put in danger than none other than yours truely.

My eyes skimmed down to Jess' right wrist. He 'Stand Up' tattoo on show. I really should stand up for myself more and I should probably stand up for the love and tell Jess exactly how I feel about her. It took me a while to get to sleep last night. I felt bare and vulnerable without Jess being by my side. I missed her even though she was only in the next room. Part of me wanted to make up the fact that I'd had a nightmare just so I could wrap my arms around Jess again. That's another thing. Throughout the night last night I couldn't help but think that something had happened to her or that I'd wake up in the morning and she'd be gone and that this is all some kind of weird fucked up dream. I felt I needed to have my arms around Jess to keep her safe and protect her like I promised I would.

I thought that if I ignored my feelings for Jess they'd just go away. But they haven't and they never will. My love for Jess is just too strong. Maybe one day I'll just get used to them and my mind will realise that I'm never going to be able to be with her. I'm never going to have the girl of my dreams all to myself. Saying that, I have only known Jess for five days, maybe it’ll take a while for them to go.