INSIDE THEIR MINDS

Beautiful Girl

PHIL

She was beautiful as she glowed a golden yellow on the ultrasound film. Her softened eyes closed tight until the day she is brought into this world. It brought on a rush of goosebumps expanding out all over my body. She is real. This is what she looks like. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

"Have you picked out a name?" I ask Kate not lifting my eyes from the small 5 by 5 photo.

"Not yet. I have narrowed it down to a few I like." Kate says with a smile.

I handed the photo back to her as if it was the most precious thing in the universe, when really it was a photo of just that.

"She is healthy and right now that is all that matters to me." Kate says now placing the photo back inside her wallet.

"I'm glad." I say mirroring her hopeful smile.

The food came minutes later and we both ate slowly and quietly. Normally I would talk between bites to keep the conversation going but now I didn't know what to say.

I want to be a part of the child's life. I want to be her father and be there for her as much as I can, but will Kate allow that? She spoke before I had the chance to verbalize my concerns.

"Phil, I don't know what to do. I spent many nights fixating on this moment. I had thought over and over about telling you about what was going on but I couldn't bring myself to face it. Every time I saw your name on the information booth or someone mentioned you in passing I thought about telling you. You deserved to know about her sooner than now and I am very sorry about that, but what do we do now?"

"I guess the question I should ask you Kate is how much do you want me involved?"

KATE

I wasn't sure how to answer his question because I didn't know myself. Do I want him to come to appointments? Do I tell him new information about her? Do I lean on him for support?

"I don't know. There is no guidebook for this type of situation. All I know is that you have a right to be involved." I said.

He looked at me as if I had said something wrong. Did he not want to be involved at all?

"You still have my number right?" He asks as he looks softly into my eyes.

"I'm not sure." I lied.

I had deleted his number a week after the now infamous elevator ride. Had I not done so I knew that I would be tempted to reach out to him,maybe even drunk dial him, of course that was all before I had found out I was pregnant with his child.

"Oh it looks like I don't have it, would you mind giving it to me again?" I said trying to sound confused.

I gave him my phone so he could input his number in himself. It was as he was putting it in that I received a text.

"Uh, who's Alex?" He asks.