INSIDE THEIR MINDS

I Know It Is

KATE

Derek and Alex decided to go on a walk through the woods and honestly part of me wanted to go with them.

Though I grew up in the cities I have always had a special relationship with nature and the outdoors. I had my grandparents to thank for that.

Growing up I would occasionally visit my grandmother's farm house. She would tell me old stories of grandpa chasing chickens and milking cows as she held his picture tight in her grip.

He passed away in his sleep when I was only nine years old but I still remember his love for his animals and of course his love for my grandma.

His smiling face still beaming in every photo I could find of him; she had one in every room of the house and hundreds more in albums now yellowing with age.

"I will be with him again, but until then I will look at his smiling face and remember every amazing moment I had with him. " She once said to me.

It really got me thinking, at the precocious age of 9, about life. How everyday is a great day, and even if it doesn't start out that way, things can turn around but only if you let them.

As I recalled her wonder words of wisdom I couldn't help but notice Phil sorting through what was left inside boxes from the van.

Things were still stressfull, at least for me, but I knew I had to find the positives from this situation.

I have Nora and Phil and we are all together and all safe. Alex and Derek are helping us and have literally dropped their lives to be here. We have food, water, shelter and though it's corny to say, we all have love.

Then I thought again about grandpa. I thought about his smile, his fatherly wardrobe and how even after a shower he smelt like the barn.

"He just loves it there." Grandma would say. "I know he would sleep out there if I let him."

I remember him tending to the cows, pigs and horses teaching me life lessons of being strong, smart and that with hard work comes rewards.

Then suddenly, though I tried my best to surpress the "bad" memories they came rushing out, flooding away all of the happiest memories in a split second.

The barn was now almost completely empty. No cows, no pigs just the one solitary animal that grandma didn't have the heart to part with, Daisy.

The brown steed now had the barn to herself, and because grandma wasn't in shape enough to care for her herself that responsibility belonged to someone else, someone that cost money that grandma really didn't have.

"I would spend my last penny on that horse, do you know why Katie Bug?"

"Why grandma?" The small ten year old me asked.

"Because that horse meant everything to your grandpa and now she means everything to me."

We sat for hours on that porch rocking in the summer sun after she had told me about Daisy.

I look again to Phil as he starts sorting and finding places for all of the odds and ends items and I couldn't help but feel shivers run down my spine.

"I love you." I said to him from the couch trying to shake myself back to the present.

"Love you too, you alright?" He asks placing a tool box under the sink.

"Yeah, it's just today is the anniversary of my grandpa's death."

"Yeah, I remembered. We were going to drive up to the cemetery then visit your grandma at the nursing home." He said sadly.