Desperation.

Chapter 9

I secretly hope that there will be a photo of me and Victor soon.
"Sit down" he says and points to his bed.
When we both sit on his bed he puts his arm around my waist. His eyes are dark and he turns his head in my direction so his lips almost touch mine. I grab his hair and pull him closer to me. His lips feel hot on mine and while we are kissing my body gets hot and cold and hot and cold and so on. It feels so good! Victor's hand is still on my back and he moves it down to my butt. I do the same and he kisses me faster and slides his tongue into my mouth. I enjoy his taste and I do not want this moment to end. Victor pulls me onto his lap without stopping kissing me.
I do not know how long we sit there and kiss each other but after a while we stop kissing and just lay on his bed.
"I like you Victor." I whisper and try not to look at him. I am afraid of his answer. Does he feel the same? I am not sure but I think if he did not have the same feelings he would not kiss me like that.
"I like you, too, Diana. I've never thought I would like someone who I do not really know this much but you're different from all the other girls I know. You're special."
...who I don't really know...
These words hurt me in a way I cannot describe but it is the truth. I do not know him, either. But it feels like I have known him for years.
"Tell me something about yourself" Victor says. What should I tell him? Something special? Something about my family and friends? Something about my hobbies? I decide to tell him everything. Everything except the kiss. Louis' kiss. And of course the feelings I had when I kissed Louis. And the feeling I get when I look into his eyes.
But I am going to tell Victor everything else I think. "I'm 17 years old and I live with my parents, my sister and my brother in a house near the park. My brother is 6 years old and my sister Julia is 15. I like dancing and going shopping." I tell him. But he wants to know something else.
"How do you imagine a perfect relationship?"
Honestly I have never thought about that. I had a few boyfriends before and I had a usual relationship to each of them. But that is nothing I could tell Victor so I try to imagine a perfect relationship. "I think there is no perfect relationship. But in my view the most important thing is to be honest. You don't have to tell your partner all your secrets but you should not lie at him. Another important point is that you have to be happy. If you are not happy with your boyfriend or girlfriend you should tell him or her what's wrong so you can talk about that. And in my opinion you needn't change for your partner. It's always good to do something to make him or her happy but you cannot change your whole life and personality for one person, I guess. And in a perfect relationship you should have fun. If you ask me fun is one of the most important things in life. Your partner has to have humor and it's also good for a relationship to do stupid things together. I don't like people who never laugh. And in a perfect relationship you protect and help each other. That would be a perfect relationship but I don't think that exists. But if you are in love you don't care. I'd say that people who are completely in love feel like their relationship was perfect."
It takes a long time until he answers. He takes a deep breath, he looks at me and starts speaking. "You're right, Diana. There is no perfect relationship. But do you think we can try to make it almost perfect? Cause I really like you and I feel great every time you just look at me." - "Of course we can!" I say without thinking. Victor kisses me again but this time, it is a very soft kiss. "It's your turn to tell something about yourself." I smile and Victor answers "I'm 20 years old and I have moved to Doncaster because of my cousin. His name is Liam and he lives here with his girlfriend. I also like dancing and as you know I like going to the disco. And I imagine a perfect relationship very romantic and lovely. I also think that it's important to feel good and you have to like yourself. You can't love another person and show him or her your love if you don't even love yourself. I don't mean being selfish or so but you should be satisfied with yourself." True words.
I totally agree with him.