Desperation.

Chapter 47

When I wake up it's already 8pm and I stand up to drink something.

"Diana?"

I turn around. Louis is awake, too.

"Yes?"

"May I sleep at your house tonight?" he asks and I nod. I don't want to be alone. I need him. I love him.

"Yes, you can. I'll be back in a minute." I answer and go downstairs.

My mum is in the kitchen and hands me a bottle of water. "Darling? You haven't been talking to us for a while. What's up? And who's still upstairs? What about the girl and the boys? It was Josh, wasn't he? And his sister. But I didn't know the others?!"

Oh no. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed.

"Yea, it was Josh. And you're right, Sara is his sister. The other one was Harry. He is- he was Leanne's boyfriend..."

My mother looks sad and says "I think we have to talk to you. Your father and I worry about you. Leanne has been one of your best friends and now she's gone."

"I know" I interrupt my mother "you don't have to remind me."

She sighs. "But that must be a very difficult time for you. We thought about... calling a psychologist. He can help you to get through this."

Is she fucking kidding me?! I need a psychologist?! Never in a million years!

"No, mum!" I say and get angry "I'm not going to go to a psychologist! I am completely normal and I have friends! If I want to talk to anyone, I'm gonna talk to them, not to a stupid psychologist!"

"You will go to this psychologist! He can help you! You need that!" she says.

But I'm sure he won't. I'll never forget about that.

Me. The hospital. Leanne.

Sometimes I think it was my fault.

Because I was with Jason.

I wasn't able to help Leanne.

I was at the hospital.

I wasn't able to help Leanne.

She was killed.

And I wasn't able to help her.

Nobody was.

That's terrible.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" My mother hands me a handkerchief and I realise that I'm crying again.

"A psychologist can stop that. You needn't cry anymore. You won't get your friend back. She's gone."

"STOP" I scream "I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT! I KNOW IT!"

I run away and go back to Louis.

He waits until I lay next to him and puts his arm around my waist.

"What happened, honey?" he whispers and I can feel his hot breath on my skin.

"My mum wants me to go to a psychologist. I don't need that! I have my friends! That's a stupid idea! Leanne is dead- I know that! I don't need a psychologist who tells me what I already know! I need to find the murderer! A psychologist can't help me!"

Louis kisses me.

"You don't need to go anywhere, baby. You decide whether you go there or not. But it's a bad idea to search for the murderer. That's a task for the police. You have to wait and relax. I'll protect you. Don't worry. I'll be there for you. Sleep well, love."

His voice is deep and quiet and I love listening to him.

But it's not only his voice I want to listen to.

I love these words coming out of his mouth.

He'll protect me.

I love it when he calls me Baby.

And I worry less because I know he'll be there for me.

"I love you" I breathe.

"I love you, too, Diana" he whispers and I fall asleep in his arms.