Desperation.

Chapter 60

Today is Tuesday.

The day Rose is going to give Louis my letter.

I am glad when school is over but I am afraid of Louis' answer.

I am pretty sure he will be angry about me.

And the worst thing is that he has a reason to be angry.

Maybe I should text Rose to ask her about Louis' reaction...

---------Text-Message-----------

From: Diana

To: Rose

How did L. react when u gave him the letter?

-------------------------------------

Oh shit... I cannot think about anything but Louis. How should I survive the time without him?

I do not know how long the police will need until they catch Leanne's real murderer...

Five minutes later I receive an answer from Rose.

---------Text-Message------------

From: Rose

To: Diana

He asked me where u r n after i gave him the letter he went 2 his room so i don't know how he reacted

sry

hope ur fine

xx

--------------------------------------

I do not know what I should think about that and I hope Louis does not destroy anything... No one knows how he is going to deal with situations like that...

When I read the letter his mother sent him he was very angry at first but suddenly he kissed me and everything was forgotten.

That was strange but I was glad when he was not angry anymore...

beep beep

There is only one name in my head.

Louis.Louis.Louis.Louis.

Is this text-message from him?

I unlock my mobile phone and open the new message...

---------Text-Message-----------

From: Louis

To: Diana

I thought you were the right one

I loved you so much

so endlessly

You stole my heart

the way you kissed me

you stole my heart

the way you moved

you stole my heart

But the only thing you did

Was breaking it

-------------------------------------

I have already heard these lines from a song but now, this is the fucking reality.

I had expected anything but not that.

Fuck.

He ruins my life just the way I ruined his.

I hate my life.

I hate Louis.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for loving him.

Normally I would call him but I cannot do that anymore... Louis played such a big role in my life and now I have to let him go.

We had the best time and now it is the worst time of my life...

It is sort of my own decision and it still hurts because I know whatever I will do- I cannot change the situation.

It is what it is.

That is life.

I have to concentrate on the anniversary! My subconscious tells me.

Liam and Victoria.

Their anniversary will be a really good distraction.

"Diana!" my mother shouts "Please walk the dog!"

Well, that's a good idea. I have to get out of my room and I have to forget about Louis and my sadness and Leanne and Bella and all the bad things in my life...

"Nelly!" I call her and it makes me smile when I look into her beautiful blue eyes.

She barks and begs for a bone.

After I gave her a bone I take the dog leash before we go out.

The weather is beautiful and Nelly seems to be very happy... Well, she does not stop running and I am breathless when we arrive at the forest...

As we go past many big trees I can finally forget about my worries and all the other things.

It calms me down to walk with Nelly, the one who will never leave me alone...

Although she does not understand my words she means so much to me and she is always there for me.

Nelly makes me happy without knowing what she does and having fun with Nelly is the best way to make pain disappear.

We arrive at a big meadow with a small river and I take the dog leash away from Nelly.

After that she starts running over the meadow and it makes me smile to see her this way.

I take a stick and throw it to her.

As she brings it back to me she seems to be very satisfied with herself, I do not know why but Nelly seems to be able to teach me how to love myself...

"Nelly..." I whisper when I cuddle her "My problem isn't about loving myself... it's about loving him. Louis. My heart can't let him go..."

Nelly barks quietly and for one moment it seems like she understood what I told her but then she goes on running over the meadow and catching the other dogs.

"Hey Diana" I hear a voice saying behind me.

It's a voice I know well.

A voice I'd always recognise...