Desperation.

Chapter 56

"The police called me." she says "They asked me about Louis Tomlinson. Is he your boyfriend?"

I nod.

"The police officers are searching for him."

What?!

"Why?"

"They found out that... well... they are not sure but they think that he could be Leanne's murderer."

"LOUIS? A MURDERER?! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!" I shout.

"Keep calm, Diana. He won't need stay at the prison for years. They haven't found out everything, yet. But maybe he has to stay there. I'm not sure. But I don't want you to meet him anymore."

WHAT THE HELL?!

I do not know what shocks me more... the fact that they think Louis was a murderer or that I must not meet him anymore.

Fuck.

I'm stunned. I don't know what I could say now.

I love Louis!

I need Louis!

"Diana!" my mother screams "I need an answer! Now!"

"I won't meet him again!" I shout and throw myself onto my bed.

I do not understand that.

Why?!

Why Leanne?!

Why Louis?!

Why my life?!

Everything had been alright until Victor came into my life.

He was my boyfriend. It was obvious. It was easy. I thought it was a perfect relationship but now I know it was not. One day he cheated on me. With one of my best friends. At first I had wondered why he did that but now I do not care about his reason to cheat on me. I lost two important people at once. When I was being happy again I was almost killed by a friend of Louis. After I had come out of the hospital I lost another friend. And now I am not allowed to meet the most important person of my life anymore.

Life sucks.

Should I tell Louis that I am not allowed to see him again?

I do not want to make this any harder...

I decide to write him a letter.

I must be fair and that is the way his mother told him she was going to die.

I am so frustrated. I hate my Mum for saying that.

Louis is unpredictable but he would never kill anyone!!

Tears are streaming down my face while I write this letter.

My chest aches.

My head aches.

But especially my heart aches.

I hate myself for doing that.

I hate my mother for thinking of Louis as a murderer.

I hate my life.

...

Dear Louis

I know we had the best time of our lives but I can't see you anymore.

It's over.

It wasn't my decision, sorry, love.

I can't believe that this is the end of everything.

I don't understand that.

I don't know why and I don't know if you will remember me.

But I know I will never forget you.

We had a special relationship- as special as you are.

I can't find any words to describe my feelings.

I don't know what I feel and I don't understand what this feeling means but there's one thing I know:

I will never forget you and you can't imagine what you mean to me.

Maybe I have to wait.

Maybe I can't do anything against the pain in my chest.

In my heart.

My heart beats for you but it's all over now.

Don't ask me to come over because I know: if you did that it would be worse than now.

I don't know how to deal with this situation.

I don't know what I can do.

It's all over.

But please remember the time we spent together.

I will always remember the way you said you loved me.

Don't call me.

Don't come over.

But there is one thing I want you to do:

Don't forget about me.

I stop writing now.

I don't want to make this any harder.

Sorry, Louis.

Sorry for falling in love with you.

I finish the letter with tears in my eyes.

One teardrop falls on the letter.

My Mum opens the door to my room and looks at me sadly.

"Diana. I know it's hard for you but you have to be saved. We don't want to lose you."

I shake my head and whisper "You won't."

I am too stunned to say anything else.

"Get out of my room, Mum."

Instead of doing what I told her she sits down on my bed and starts talking again.

Oh no.

"Darling, you have to understand that. We want to take care of you. Louis is dangerous. It's not the first time he's searched by the police."

"I'm able to take care of myself, Mum. I'm old enough."

"You aren't, Diana. You're too naive to understand that."

WHAT?!

"Who do you think you are?!" I shout "Don't call me naive! YOU are naive! YOU believe what the police officer told you! YOU don't know Louis! I love him! And he would never do that!"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're in love. Your mind knows that Louis is dangerous. But your heart doesn't want to accept that."

"Leave. I want to be alone." I whisper although I want to scream.

I want to shout at her.

I want to  tell her she's wrong.

I want to tell her Louis is lovely and friendly and polite and nice and cute and kind.

But I know this is just one side of him.

And now I doubt that he would never do bad things.

I mean really bad things.