Desperation.

Chapter 75

Today is Friday and the exchange ends in one week. I am going to be so happy when I am back at home!

Although the school is very nice and not boring I do not like our exchange...

Marilyn stopped talking endlessly and James got a bit friendlier. Just a bit.

But Doncaster is the best place on the whole world! I never want to go away again... I miss my brother, my sister, my parents, my dog, our house and even my own school but the person I miss the most is Louis.

I know that I cannot be with him, neither in Ireland nor in Doncaster and it does not matter what I do- it will always be the same situation:

I love Louis.

Louis pretends to love me.

We must not see each other.

I miss him.

He misses me.

I hate it!

Rose is sitting next to me right now and she reads the book I liked so much.

Soul beach.

It is about a girl whose sister died and after her death she arrives at a beach. It is a beach for dead people- the beach for their souls.

Maybe Leanne is also there...

But whereever she is at the moment- I hope heaven or this beach is better than Doncaster and Ireland...

"Rose?" I interrupt her while she is still reading.

"Yea?"

"I wanna see Louis again."

"I know you do."

"And I have a plan."

"Diana, you can't meet him secretly. Imagine your mother finds out that you do that! She'd be really upset and I'd understand her! Louis seems to be dangerous- be careful!"

"You don't get it, Rose. I don't wanna meet him secretly! I wanna find the real murderer! I have to prove that Louis is not the murderer! And I'm sure he isn't! I know that! I know him! Louis would never do that!" I claim and hope that I'm right.

"Don't be sure that he isn't the murderer. Louis is unpredictable- you know that! Even Zayn says that."

"Yes, but being unpredictable is not the same as being a murderer!" I shout, I'm getting angry right now.

"But murderers are unpredictable!"

"Or psychopaths" I add and Rose nods.

"Well, I'll help you to find the murderer."

"Thanks. You're the best friend ever!"

Rose smiles and goes on reading.

One day my mum told me not to fall in love because when something falls it breaks.

And it is her fault that my heart is broken.

My mother's fault and the fault of the real murderer.

I wish I had introduced Louis and my mother earlier so she could have got to know him but now it's too late.

Suddenly I notice that I have not called my family yet! Shit!

But they did not call me, either so they are probably not angry.

I ask Marilyn if I may call them and she hands me the phone.

While I am dialing the number I think about what to say.

"Hello Sam!" I say when he answers the phone and smile at the imagination of him phoning.

"Who's there?" he asks and I hear the sound of a button he pushed. That makes me laugh.

"Diana?"

"Yes! Hey little dude! How are you?" I question amd I can hear the joy in his voice when he realised that I'm the person on the phone.

"Oh Diana! You finally called us! We miss you so much! But did you know that grandma and grandad visited us yesterday? And Julia's friend Mary is here and her sister George was here for 5 minutes because she wanted to tell Mary something, she's pretty odd!" he tells me.

"You mean Georgia, don't you? Yes, she is really odd but I think she is nice. What did you do with grandad and grandma?"

"We went to a real castle! It was very exciting! Its name is Conisbrough Castle and I ate ice cream! And I was allowed to touch a real sword! Isn't that cool?"

"Wow!" I answer "That sounds great!"

"Yes, it was so cool! I wish I could show you the castle..." Sam doesn't sound as happy as before but I am glad to see him again in one week.

"I'll be back in one week, Sam, don't worry! Ireland is cool, I really like the school. At the moment I live in a small flat but it's nice and Rose lives near my exchange student."

"Oh" Sam says "Do you wanna talk to mum, dad and Julia?"

"Yes"

"Good bye, Diana!"

"Good bye, Sam!"

...

"Diana?" this is Julia's voice.

"Hey Julia!"

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"Me too" I answer.

"Mary is here, I don't have much time to talk, do you wanna talk to mum or dad?"

"Yes, please" I say and after I talked to my parents Rose comes to me and tells me that Alana's mother was outside and she had to go now.

A few hours later I fall asleep.