Desperation.

Chapter 14

I'm on my way to Victor's house when my mobile phone rings.

It's my dad.

"Hey Diana. How are you?"

"I'm fine, dad. Where are you?"

"I'm still in bed. I think I'll get the flu and I feel bad. Can you bring me some medicine?"

"Of course I can."

"Thanks. See you later."

I hang up. Shit. I can't visit Victor now, my father is more important to me. More important than seeing Vic today.

I go to the pharmacy and buy the medicine for my dad.

On my way home I think about visiting Victor after bringing my father the medicine.

I would love to see him! If you ask me I want to see him every day, every hour, every minute and every second! I love him so much.

When I come in my father is sleeping.

"Diana, Diana!" my little brother shouts.

"Be quiet. Dad is ill."

"I know. But he promised me that he would help me with my homework."

"He can't do that, Sam. But maybe I can help you."

I go with him to his room and he shows me his homework.

It's not very difficult and it doesn't take a long time to explain it to him.

"Thank you" Sam says and adds "Do you know Sara McJoyce?"

Sara? I think I heard that name before but I don't remember the person.... Sara McJoyce... She's Leanne's new friend isn't she?

"Yea... I think I've seen her before. Why do you ask?"

"I was at her house today. She has two brothers. Their names are Josh and Johnny. Johnny is my new best friend! And Sara asked me if I was your brother. She said that you looked like me."

"Okay. I know Josh, too. He's Harry's best friend and Harry is Leanne's boyfriend."

"Sounds complicated." Sam says and looks confused.

I laugh. "You have to go to bed, little man"

"Nooooo! I don't want to go to bed! I want you to play with me" he cries.

"Stop crying, Sam. You have to sleep now. Good night." I go back to my room and do my own homework.

It takes a really long time to do it therefore it's already 11pm when I finish.

Should I call Victor? I can't stop thinking about him but I can't stop thinking about Louis, either.

Shit.

I decide to call Victor now.

"Allô?" he says.

I take a deep breath and answer "Hey. I miss you."

"Diana?" he asks. Why does he ask that? Does he worry that it's not his girlfriend on the phone?

"Yea?"

"I love you" Oh my god. I love these words coming out of his mouth.

"I love you, too" I answer.

"Do you want to come to me?" His voice is so deep, so soft and so lovely...

"Of course I want to be with you. I'll be there in 10 minutes!"

"Wait, Diana, honey! I'll come to you! It's too dangerous for you to be outside alone at 11 o'clock." He's so cute!

I hang up and wait for him.

I got a text message. That must be Victor!

--------------------------

From: Victor <3

To: Diana

Hey love

I'm standing in front of your door.

Let me in.

V

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I think he didn't want to ring the door bell because of my sleeping family so I go downstairs and open the door.

Victor gives me a kiss and we go back to my room.

Victor sits on my bed and I sit down next to him.

He looks at me, puts his hand under my chin and turns my head in his direction.

"Diana. I want you to know that you're the most beautiful, loveliest, cutest and friendliest person I've ever met."

I'm almost crying because of these words. Nobody has ever said that to me before.

"I love you so much, Victor." I say and kiss him.

He pulls me closer to him and doesn't stop kissing me.

I love him, I know that and I'm glad that I can forget about Louis for a while.

We lay down in my bed and I fall asleep in his arms.

Could my life be better?

You don't love him.

I do.

You don't.

Of course I do. If I didn't love him I wouldn't lay in his arms.

You'd rather being with Louis if you could.

But I can't. And I love Victor.

Not as much as you love Louis.

I love Victor more than Louis. I don't even know Louis.

But you wanna know him.

I have a boyfriend and I'm happy.

Not for long.

Get out of my head.

I can't. I'm your subconscious.

I know.

Oh no. My heart and my mind are fighting again. I have to calm down. I don't want to shout because it doesn't make sense.

There's a fight - a fight between Diana and Diana - a fight I can't stop because it's me... I fight against myself.

It sounds stupid but I can't help.

Maybe my subconscious knows something I don't know?