Desperation.

Chapter 76

Today is Saturday and Alana has planned a party for her whole class and for everyone's exchange student including me.

I am really looking forward to that party and I think it will be great!

Alana's parents and her brother are in Spain for the weekend and Alana can do what she wants to do.

"Good morning, honey!" Marilyn smiles when I notice her standing in my room.

"Good morning!" I answer and try to look friendly.

Ugh, my mother does not enter my room without my permission.

"What do you wanna do today?"

"Today's a party at Alana's house. James is also invited. We wanna go there and after that I'm allowed to sleep there." I tell her and she nods.

"Okay. James didn't tell me about that party. Are you sure that he wants to go there?"

I nod. "Yea."

"When does the party start?"

"It starts at 7pm and Alana said we had to catch the bus at 6.40. She asked me to make a cake, can I do that?"

"Of course you can, honey! You wanna make a typical Irish cake, I guess. What do you need? Flour, sugar, salt, cinnamon, milk, butter, eggs, dark chocolate, whiskey and a few other things! I have a recipe for this cake, it's very easy! Well, where's my recipe?" She runs into the kitchen and searches for the recipe.

"You don't have to hurry up, Marilyn!" I say "We have enough time!"

"Okay, Diana, wait a few minutes, I'll find it! It must be in this shelf... Umm... I thought I had put it in this box because there are the other recipes for cakes, I also have a recipe for a Dutch apple pie! It's very delicious! And here's my book for German potato recipes! Um... here it is! I found the recipe for the Irish chocolate cake!"

She hands me a sheet of paper and I can barely read the words because it is full of chocolate and milk. Yummy!

"Thanks so much, Marilyn! You showed me the sugar the flour the fridge and the other things but where do you have whiskey?"

"That's a good question! I don't drink alcohol, James doesn't drink, either... But maybe our neighbours have whiskey! I'm gonna ask them!"

I cannot imagine that James and Marilyn have any neighbours- well, I would not want to live in one of these flats. They are comfortable but dark and far away from the shopping centre.

Marilyn comes back ten minutes later and shows me her whiskey bottle.

"Here's the whiskey!"

"Thanks!" I smile as she hands me the bottle.

I start baking but I am careful with the whiskey. I am sure that many people will be drunk today but I do not want my cake to be the reason for that.

Marilyn is right, the cake is very easy to make and it only takes 20 minutes. Now I have to get dressed for the party. What can I wear?

I decide to call Rose and ask her.

When she answers the phone she sounds stressed.

"What's up?" I ask and she answers "We have to prepare everything for the party! Alana buys juice and coke and I have to decorate the house! When she comes back she goes on decorating and I have to buy the alcohol because she's only 17! The guests will arrive in two hours! How are we supposed to make this?!"

"Oh, Rose! Good luck! I just wanted to ask you what I can wear tonight!"

"Sorry, Diana, but I don't have much time. I wear a black dress and I dyed my hair pink! See you later!"

She hangs up and I have an idea. I could dye my hair, too! Marilyn dyes her hair every month so I am sure she has some colours that I can use.

I ask her and she offers me to help me.

It takes a while to find the colour I like and to dye my hair but I am very satisfied with the result! My hair is black with a few shining purple highlights.

"Wow!" Marilyn says excitedly "You look gorgeous!"

"Thank you for everything, Marilyn!"

I decide to wear a purple t-shirt which has the same colour as the highlights in my hair and dark jeans.

We only have 10 minutes left until the bus arrives so I open the door to James room when I see the quotations on his wall which remind me of the first time I was in his room.

"Are you ready James?" I ask and he looks at me.

Is he really stunned?

James?

"Um... uh... yes, I am... wait... wait a second" he stutters and takes his jacket.

He does not look bad, I have to admit that and when we go to the bus stop he is almost... nice!

James. Is. Nice!

But his mood changes within seconds- it reminds me a bit of Louis...

I miss him so endlessly and knowing that my situation will not change when I am back in Doncaster hurts.

"Is your whole class invited to the party?" I ask. I already know the answer but I wanna start a conversation.

"Yes" is the only thing he says.

"I'm really looking forward to the party!" I start a new try.

"Shut up!"

"Wow, calm down, James!" I say, I did not expect this answer!

"I said shut up!" he repeats but that is the last thing I would do now!

"Why are these quotations in your room?" I question friendly.

"That's none of your business!"

Oh my god, why is he so upset? I did not do anything bad!

I stay silent this time and some other students get on the bus. One of them is Bella. She sits down next to me and I say "Hello" and smile.

"Hey Diana!" she answers "I have to talk to you!"

"Not today, Bella! I know you are sorry, I found your letter on Leanne's grave" she holds her breath when I say these words.

"One day I'm able to forgive you, Bella. But not today and not tomorrow, either. Let's enjoy the party tonight but don't pretend that everything is just like it was before."

Bella nods.

"Okay, Diana. I'm waiting. We have to get off now!"

We get off and enter Alana's house.

The party can start!