Desperation.

Chapter 63

There is one thing I want to do now.

I have been trying to forget that for weeks but it is not possible anymore.

I need to visit Leanne's grave.

I miss her and I know that my visit will not bring her back but I feel like visiting her now.

The cemetery is not far away from the restaurant and I know the way because I have been there before at my greatgrandmother's funeral.

Leanne's grave isn't difficult to find because it is new and Rose told me where it is.

There is a terrifying silence and I can almost feel the souls of the dead bodies...

While I am walking to Leanne's grave I read some written words on the other stones.

It is not only the imagination of Leanne lying there under the ground and the flowers that shocks me. It's also the sheet which lays next to the stone.

Am I allowed to read these words?

I take the sheet which is probably a letter and start reading it.

One day you left us

You were away from us

Far away

Away from us, the people who love you

To a different world

to a probably better world where you can have a better life

better than on earth

without you

lonely. sad. terrible.

there's no more day I don't think about you

I laugh

I laugh for you

Because I know you wouldn't want us to be sad

I know we had a big fight

and I know that I did something wrong

I hope you're able to forgive me

And I hope you have a better life in heaven

Leanne, you were the best friend I've ever had and I'll love you till the end of days

Best friends are supposted to help each other

So what did I miss?

Sometimes I wonder if I could have helped you

if I hadn't done the shit with Victor would you be still alive?

but now it it's too late

Diana and Rose hate me

Help me, Leanne!

What can I do?

Love you. Bella

Oh my god... Bella was serious when she told me that she was sorry.

But why?

After we had fought in front of our class she ignored us and skipped class very often.

Suddenly I hear voices that come from the gate of the cemetery!

I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be alone.

...

"Where's Leanne's grave?" I hear.

I know this voice.

Shit! Someone is coming! I go in the other direction and hope he or she does not see me.

But who is that? It must be someone I know... I hide behind a tree and look at the people who are in front of Leanne's grave.

Either it is a illusion or Josh, Harry and Sara are standing there.

"My Leanne... my girlfriend... I love her so much..." Harry cries. It can't be an illusion.

Sara puts her hand on his shoulder. "Don't cry, Harry. We all miss her but she has a better life now. She won't come back."

"Never." Harry sobs and Josh hands him a handkerchief.

I think about saying hello to them but it would be strange if they knew that I am standing here behind the tree looking at them so I decide to stay quiet and hold my breath.

"She was such a good friend..." Josh says quietly and it is very hard to understand him. Sara nods.

"Yes. I wish she could be here with us..."

"Oh yea..." Harry sobs and I feel the tears in my eyes.

Fuck.

I try to avoid sobbing because I do not want the others to hear me and I am glad when they go away from the cemetery.

I go back to Leanne's grave and see another letter which lays next to Bella's.

Am I allowed to read it?

It's probably from Harry, Sara or Josh...

Leanne was one of my best friends and we had no secrets. So why should her death change our friendship?

Well, it does change the friendship, it changed my whole life but I want to read the letter!

I open it and feel a bit guilty.

You don't have a right to do that!

My subconscious reminds me.

Fuck! I know that! But I want to read that damn letter!

But while I am reading it I realise that it is only making it worse...