Desperation.

Chapter 13

Rose and I go to Louis' and Zayn's house and I am excited. What should I do when he tries to kiss me again?
I hope Louis' is not at home.
But he is.
He opens the door and looks confused. "Diana. Rose. What are you doing at my house?" - "We want to visit Zayn." Rose says. She tries to emphasize that we just want to meet Zayn. Not him. "Sorry, ladies. But Zayn isn't here at the moment. He's at university. But you can come in and wait for him" he offers. Rose looks at me and I roll my eyes to show her that I do not want to be alone with Louis and I want to go back. But she misunderstands what I told her and says "Of course! That's nice, Louis."
Oh no.
"Do you want something to drink?" he asks. "No, thanks." I say and try not to look at him. "Do you have a cup of coffee for me?" Rose asks. Why does she want to drink coffee? Rose never drinks coffee!  "Of course" Louis answers and goes into the kitchen. I use the time he cannot hear us and I say "Rose! What are doing? We hate coffee!" "Yeah... we do but I am tired and I don't want to fall asleep. Neither at Louis' house, nor at school." She answers. "What about coke?" I ask and she shakes her head. "Louis is coming." He hands her a cup of coffee and while she takes the first sip she makes a face. I look at her like I want to say I have already told you that you won't like it. But she drinks the whole cup of coffee. After he brought the cup back to the kitchen Louis asks "Diana? Can I talk to you?" - "No." - "But..." - "Louis!" I interrupt him. I do not know what to say but I do not want to talk him. I do not want to kiss him again.
That's a lie. You want him. You need him.
I do not even know him!
But it feels like heaven. His kiss felt like heaven. Being with him feels like heaven.
It does not. Victor is my boyfriend.
You have feelings for both of them.
My mind and my heart are fighting.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shout.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Diana?" Louis asks.
Oh no! I did not mean to say that loudly.
"Umm... sorry but I didn't mean to say that... I don't want you to shut up... I meant..."
"Forget about that. Sorry for stealing your time. It's better for you to go." Oh no. Louis is angry. I thought we had a chance. I wanted him to be my friend. Just a friend. Nothing more. But I ruined our friendship before it has started. "Sorry, Louis. But..." - "Go out. Get the fuck off." I look at him and he points to the door. He is serious. I take Rose's hand and pull her back to our school.
"Why did you say that?" she asks. "I didn't mean to say that loudly. I was talking to my mind and my heart. They were fighting." - "What were they fighting about?"
"Louis."
"Forget about him. I don't know Louis. I don't know Victor, either. But my feeling says that you should take Victor." - "I know, I know. But I have feelings for Louis, too. You know that, don't you?" - "Yeah... you told me that you like both of them." That is right. Why is my life so complicated?! I wish I was Rose. She has Zayn and she loves him. He loves her and they are happy. "Come on, Diana. The break is over. We can start cooking now." Cooking is not that bad. It is a voluntary lesson but it is fun.
"Good morning, girls and boys." Mrs Taylor says. "Good morning" we answer. "It's.... umm... Niall's turn to choose what we should cook." She looks at him and he does not have to consider. He answers right away "Chicken!"
"No!" I scream. "That's not fair! I'm a vegetarian." - "But it's my turn and I wanna eat chicken!" - "Go to KFC or McDonald's but I don't want to prepare a chicken for you or anyone else!" - "If you don't want to do that you're at the wrong place, girl!" - "No, Niall, I think you are at the wrong place!" - "Stop fighting!!!" Mrs Taylor interrupts me "Maybe we can find a compromise. What do you think about pancakes?" - "Oh my god! I love pancakes!" Niall shouts. "Me too" I admit "Good idea." I sigh. "C'mon, Diana! Be more motivated!" Rose laughs. "Yeah... let's start!" I cannot be motivated because I am in a bad mood.
It is Louis' fault. Why did he not let me tell him what I meant? I did not want him to shut up. I was talking to my thoughts.
The pancakes are very delicious and we eat them all. After cooking I want to surprise Victor. I think about visiting him... but what should I do if he was not at home? Who does not try cannot win! But before I go to his house I say goodbye to my friends. "Good bye, Rose" I say and hug her "Where are Leanne and Bella?" - "Leanne said that she went to Sara's house - that's the girl we met on Monday. And Bella is... um... I don't know where Bella is." - "Okay" I answer "See you tomorrow! Bye, Rose!"