Desperation.

Chapter 30

"Yes, it is." I say and try to stay calm.

"It isn't. And I think you should go now."

"I'm not going to come back."

"Sounds great."

"I hate you!"

"You don't"

"I do"

"I know you love me"

"No! Never talk to me again!"

"That's my plan."

"Fuck you."

"Get outta my kitchen!"

These words hurt but I don't look at him again but I go outside and think about what I could do now.

Maybe I should go to the Sandall Park... but what do I expect to find there?!

Louis and another girl?

That's not logical! Louis is at home and he told me that he didn't meet a girl...

Somehow I believe that but I know I shouldn't...

I decide to go home and take Nelly to the Sandall Park.

I open the door and hope that nobody is at home.

I'm lucky.

Mum and dad are at their work and Julia and Sam must be at school.

Likely I should go to school, too, but I don't want to see anybody now except Nelly so I take her dog leashes and we go to the park.

It's very quiet and there are just a few old couples on the benches.

"Lucky you" I say to Nelly "You are a dog and you don't have to worry about the love of your life cheating on you. No fucking asshole breaks your heart by replacing you. And you have no boyfriend who isn't your boyfriend and has a secret you don't know. Why is my life so complicated? Why can't I just be like you? Just a black and white husky with beautiful blue eyes. Blue as the sky. Blue as the ocean."

Nelly barks as if she agrees and then we arrive next to a meadow.

I take the dog leashes away from Nelly and she runs to the other dogs.

"Hello"

I don't know this voice.

It comes from a tall boy with curly blonde hair and green brown eyes which shine like diamonds.

"My name is Jason. What are you doing here?"

"I'm Diana and I walk my dog." I answer unsure about what to say.

"I've never seen you before. You should come here more often."

What...? Does he try to complement me?

"I have to go now. See you" I say quickly and go away but he grabs my arm.

"Wait! When do you come back again?"

"I'm not sure."

"But I wanna see you again."

He is very direct... But somehow I like the way he speaks...

"I'll be here tomorrow at 3 pm, okay?"

"That's what I wanted to hear. See you tomorrow!" he says and disappears.

"Nellyyyyy" I shout. "C'mon!"

We go through the park and I think about the boy. His name was Jason, wasn't it?

He is right, I've never been to this park before... But it is beautiful with its lovely landscapes and the lake.

Nelly and I go around the lake and I have time to think about Louis and our situation...

Why does he do that? I love him and he knows that... he knows that he's the only one who could break my heart after Victor did. I trusted him and now I know it was a mistake. I thought Louis was different...

I think I can never trust anybody again.

Boys break my heart.

Victor is an asshole.

And Louis is not better.

I thought he was my destiny. But he obviously wasn't.

The only difference between Vic and Louis is that Louis was all my hope. I hoped to get an honest boyfriend.

Someone I could trust.

Someone I could love unconditionally.

Someone who loves me as much as I love him.

Someone who would never cheat on me.

Someone who would do anything for me.

Someone I would do anything for.

Someone I could have fun with.

Someone I could talk to.

Someone who would do everything with me.

Someone I could be who I am with.

But I think those someones only exist in my dreams...

I should never date again.

I should never love again.

But a life without love is like a conversation without someone else. It's like christmas without a christmas tree. It's possible but pointless.