//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 3//

No one I know now, knew about me and Matty. He's in one of the most famous bands around. No one would ever figure out he was such a huge part of my life in the past...He was my life in the past.
I walk through the front door to the house I crash at. I'll never call it home. It never will be, nor will it ever feel like it.
After spending the afternoon and most of the night in my local pub, I walk into the living room.
Tom and Lewi, two of the college guys that live here, are sat on the sofa with the music channels on. Getting stoned, as usual. Using a home made bong with an old empty bottle of pepsi.
I watched on, waiting to have a turn... when who would have to come on the TV right at that moment - Who else. The 1975!
It's been a few weeks since I last heard one of their songs. It doesn't seem to get any easier though. I avoid watching the telly and sticking the radio on as much as I can. Because every time I hear one of his songs. Or see that face. Hear his voice or just the name of that damn band!... I have to bend down, pick up my heart, and force it back into my chest, patching it back up with bandages and band aids.

My eyes stay locked on the screen as Tom begins complaining about how stupid the name of the band is "That's fucking stupid though. 1975 was ages ago man! Clearly all those tools were born well after that year. They only look in their twenties" Lewi just laughs and nods in agreement. Holding the bong between both hands and taking another toke from it.
I sit down next to him, slouching down In my tipsy state and snatch the smoking device from his hand. Immediately he sends me a deathly glare across at me, but doesn't say anything. The sound of Mattys voice ringing in my ears quickly starts to be become too much for me. The heavy feeling weighing on my chest. The achy pain ripping into me, getting stronger and stronger, more and more unbearable. I blow the puffy cloud of smoke out and keep taking back drags. Each one as harsh as the last as it hits the back of my throat. Burning. Choking me. But I keep it. Desperate for it to end this torment I was going through. The thick smoke clogged up the living room, misty, cloudy, my favourite scent of the skunk surrounding me.
my head eventually fell back, the high dragging me in, feeling it spread throughout my whole body. From head to toe.
Finally I felt like I could breathe that little bit easier. The affect of the pot hit me almost instantly, hazing my mind. Doing its job.

Tom was still banging on about the stupid band name. Just get over it. Fuck sake! I sighed deeply, struggling to now bite my tongue "Will you just shut up already! God. They're called THE 1975 because some guy who matty met, gave him this book about that year, that he became fond of" I snap! Going off on a rant.
Tom and Lewi's eyes both immediately flew onto me, wide eyed, before bursting into laugher in sync. High pitched, almost a giggle. Bouncing freely from the walls.
Adding onto my annoyance.
But then I realise what I just said. And how ridiculous i look. Fuck! "or some shit like that" I try adding on to the end quickly, trying to recover. But neither of them are listening now. Still laughing at me.
Now my chest is hurting again, it's heavy again. The pain is starting to creep back!

"I mean they should've called themselves 'shit twats' or some shit like that. They are wank, man. And he looks more like a lass than lasses do round here!" He called out, pointing to Matthew, still laughing.
I scowl over at Tom. Suddenly feeling like I was back in school with  people taking the piss out of him. And immediately he wanted to scold him for being a prick.
But what would be the point. This isn't school. And more to the point, Matty isn't mine to defend anymore. So why did I still find myself sticking up for him, being all protective over him?
He fucking broke me! He ripped me apart. I needed to remember that, to save myself.

"God, blink!" Tom shouts across at me, not realising he was watching me watching Matty. "Really, that's attractive to you?" He laughed sluggishly, his eyes now heavy and swollen from the dope.

"Shut up!" I shook my head, eventually diverting my eyes away from the TV altogether. But struggling to not look back at him.

The pain in my chest was now here, in full force and back with a vegeance. I knew it was going to come. The memories of him began flooding my mind so fast. And I couldn't swim away!
I'm going to drown. I feel my eyes burning and I know what's coming... I can't cry now. I don't cry. Ever! Don't, Kay!
I needed to get up. Go! Move. Away from these idiots. This house. I need to go to the only place where I can handle and allow myself to deal with this pain.

I run into the kitchen, grabbing the vodka and my bag. Slamming the door shut. Tears begin to flood my eyes, blurring my vision as I run the streets in the dark.
I'm out of breath. Still running, like my life depends on it. The heavy, achy pain, weighing down on my chest even more so.
I run past people on the street, an its like they fail to even notice me. I'm just like a gush a wind. I'm invisible! Just nothing to people.
I start to slow down as I reach the empty building that comforts me so much. I stand out front of the structure, looking up to what was our room. Just ours.
I needed this to stop. All of this. It has to stop! The torment. Please!... "Go away! Leave me alone!!!" I scream. My eyes latched onto my past.

I force the door open with a few kicks to the bottom of it. The dust and much clouds around me. It moves open enough for me to scrape through and i stand at the door, taking my shoes off and throwing them onto the hard floorboard.
I begin walking inside, and sit back in that corner where I wanted everything to end an go away last time.
Tears stream down my face as I lay myself down slowly in the dark, empty room. My left cheek pressed against the floor, I stare at the door. Feeling lifeless and drained.
Visions of him running through the door and picking me up, stab into my mind to haunt me like a ghost.
I try and blink away the tears that are coming again. And I find the floor feels strangely warm against my face. Each tear that drops, makes the dust and the muck that's been there for all this time, vanish. I wish this whole place could just disappear. Maybe I could at least try and move on then. If I could move away from my memories and past of him. If I knew I had nowhere to go, nowhere im drawn to. Nowhere that reminds me of him and nowhere he's been, I could have closure!
I sit up, taking mouthful after mouthful of the vodka I brought. It burns as it goes down my dry, wrenched throat. But I like it. I keep drinking it, my minds starting to go all fuzzy. Blocking my brain from thinking back.

Not now. Not tonight. But I will destroy this place. Like he's destroyed me! I have to, to survive.