//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 48//

Lou's P.O.V---

I sit, this anger building and building inside me. Reading his text over and over. Guilt tearing through me. An i can't stand it. Stand what i did, what i said. What i made her do. Becuase of me. I made her leave. I made her feel, nothing. Like she's nothing. Like she doesn't belong. All because of him! That fucking waste of space that I'm unfortunately related to. I stare down at the text again....

**The drugs were mine. I made her take them. This is my mess, & I'll fix it. I'm gonna bring her back bro. I'm goin now, 4 you! 4give me?!x**

I get her number up quickly. But i don't even know what i wanna say to her. Apologise. Ask for forgiveness. Warn her of Mattys plan. Beg her to come back... i don't know. But i guess It'll come to me when she answers. It just keeps ringing. I know deep down she's not gonna answer. She's never gonna forgive me. And she's never coming back. But i have to atleast try. It goes to voicemail, like i was expecting. That guilt digging further into me. An i can't take it any longer.

I stand, knowing what to do. Doing exactly what Kay would do. What Kay's probably doing now.

The pubs quiet, only a small group of  young people gathered around a table at the back of the room. Being annoyingly loud. Lughing. Shouting. Smashing glasses. I head straight for the empty bar "double whiskey" i shout with a nod to the bar man. I don't even like whiskey. But i need something strong. Something to do the job and block everything out. Kay used to always tell me, alcohol was the best way to forget. Although it doesn't erase everything. It helps for a little while. And i just need time, a little bit of time to not think. To not be reminded of anything. All the wrongs I've done. To the only person that's ever understood me. Had time for me.

My drinks brought over without a word. I down it one go. The affect and taste almost knocking me off the stool. The strength of it hits me almost instantly. But i need more. I slide my glass across the bar "same again" i shout.

That's one thing i loved about her. People always mistaked her kindness. Her loyalty, as weakness. The fact she'd forgive easily and quickly. People always took that for granted with her. The cunt of a brother of mine did exactly that. An I'm no better. I knew what a fucking sleeze ball he was. I knew what he did to her in the past. How he left her, alone. Knowing she had no one. An i chose to believe him. Knowing that. Knowing what he's capable of. I still chose his side of the story before i even fucking gave her the chance to tell hers. Leaving her alone, again. Like him.

Again i shot the drink. The taste getting no better. But the affect hitting me quicker now. The bar man stands watching, knowing to set me up again. He doesn't take the glass this time though, he brings the bottle over to me, placing it down next to my glass for me to help myself. I lift my glass to him in a gesture to say 'cheers'

I pour my 5th drink. But I'm no good with measurements. It's probably something stupid like my 10th. But I'm clearly aiming to not be able to walk back home later.

"Small world" a female voice pulls me away from my concentration of trying to fill my glass without spilling any. Finding it a hard task in my drunken state. I feel her eyes on me, watching me. An i know who it is without looking up to see. She's got some fucking nerve! "you're finally out" she nudges my arm. I know her plan. I know she's purposly winding me up. I look up slowly. Ignoring her, and realising she came from the group at the back as all eyes are on us.

"and you're not locked up yet" i say back, equally as sarcastic. She doesn't fucking scare me. She never has, and she never will. Not even if she had a knife in her hand again. She could have a fucking gun this time an i wouldn't give a fuck. I'd even happily pull the trigger with her. What the fuck do i have now? I hate myself that much. She giggles after my comment, adding to my anger. I notice two guys slowly creeping over to us, there eyes never leaving us. I take a drink slowly from my glass. The taste not even noticeable now "sup? need bodyguards do we?" i snicker at my own joke.