//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 69//

//6 Months Later...//

"Kayleigh, how wonderful to see you again. Please, take a seat" John points down to my usual blue plastic chair in his office. Just placed in the middle of the huge wooden floor. Which is more like a gym hall. The walls covered in pictures of "good things" as he calls them. It's just pictures of greenery. Tree's, plants. Woods. All different kinds of huge plants, just hanging off shelves. Leaving a mess on the floor. Claming it's his "happy place of thoughts" An people claim I'm the one who needs to get out more, But hey, it works.

"And so it should for the price" my dad's always reminding me when i report back to him after each session. But this was his idea. It was a must to him. An i really wasn't in a position to fight with him over it. I said i needed help. I did. This is it.

Strangely i've become fond of this dull room. And boring activity of just talking about myself... And John, in a sense. I've lost count how many counselling sessions I've had now. I'ts been going on for months. Starting at three a week. Which i can actually admit, that's exactly what i needed. It took a while to open up to John. I've never been one to share and express my feelings. Especially to strangers. But things had to change. I had to change. An with me hating the perosn i used to be, what did i have to lose?

My dad made it pretty clear - after he got over the shock of me bringing Jaxon up. And fighting my case for weeks that i needed him in my life - this had to be dealt with first. I clearly had to better myself, and most importantly, change.

Which i feel i have, massively. I no longer hold any bad thoughts. Any pain. It's as though councelling has erased all of my past from me. It's opened up new doors for me and brought along brighter days. I feel like i can finally breathe. Finally smile and mean it. Knowing now that everyone has problems. Everyone has and will at some point feel how i've felt in my past. But you get past it. You have no choice but to. And there's only you that can change that. You can either lay down and let life attack you. Or you get back up fighting. Nocking everything down, that tries getting in your way. Life's full of obsticles. It takes a simple task of just jumping over them and carrying on "Like a hurdle. A sprint" John put it. "And you have to just keep running"

So that's exactly what i did.

An i've never felt better in myself.

Knowing I'm doing this all for Jaxon. For my son. It keeps me focused. Determined.

Now i have just the one session a week. In a way, i fear each time that i come, he's gonna sign me off. Tell me 'all done' and throw me back into the big hard world alone. Because i know I'm not ready for that just yet. No where near. But he's a smart guy. He probably loves the pay cheque at the end of the month from my dad.

John takes a seat in the chair right opposite me. Only a couple of inches away from me. I used to hate the fact he'd sit so close to me. It used to be creepy. I'd blow my thoughts out of proportion and think he'd be doing and saying certain things to try and come on to me. Or attack me, mentaly. There's exactly where i always used to go wrong with my life in the past. It was always the negatives id be looking for. As though i was always searching for the bad. Waiting for it to happen. An when it didn't. I made it. Because apparently, accourding to John. That's what i was used to. That's the only thing i knew. That was the only thing i expected. So it was strangely the only thing i really felt comfortable about and around. So i had to create it when it wasn't about.

I know, sounds complete... rubbish. It did to me, at first. But now i totally get it.

It's like i'm a new women now. Well dressed. No more, dull, black clothes. Polite. Mannered. I always use my P's&Q's. I dont drink. I stopped smoking.