//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 5//

Its been 3 months.
The drugs. The casual binge drinking. The drug den i was crashing at. All gone. And most importantly, the pain, most of it... All gone. And I haven't looked back since.

With quitting school early and leaving with zero grades, I wasn't expecting to ever get into college. But here I am. I'm ten minutes late for my first class. Typical! And the class is full when I clumsily stumble through the door into the packed out class room. All eyes on me!
But as always, my 'I don't give a fuck' attitude is still present. I look around the room, I'm sure to be the eldest student here. I bet most of these have only just left school.
Immediately feeling on edge with everyone staring at me, I give them all the same glare back in return.
I refuse to let college be exactly how school was for me. Being the outkast. The quiet outkast that everyone turned on for their own amusement. I'm making sure everyone knows here, I'm not a person to push around and mess with this time. Especially since I've gone cold turkey... As the saying goes.

The professor gives me a faint smile and walks confidentially over to me asking for my name. I brake gaze at all these fuckwits still staring at me and whispering to one another.
"Kay" I reply in a snap. She gives me another smile, this time a forced one.
"Kay Addison" I try again. This time a little friendlier? I really do need to try here. This is the chance I desperately need to change my whole shitty, non existent life around.
And I've learnt from my past, I need people around. On my side. I need to be in peoples good books if I've any chance of leaving my failure title behind.
Just like- HIM. No, kay. Don't go there! Not now you've come this far. The voice in my head snaps me into focus with a head shake.

The professor bends down over her desk and starts typing at super speed on her laptop... I stand there, deciding to turn my head away from all the gorpers and start taking note of what's on the board behind us. Waiting for further instructions.
Jheez, lady. Take your time why don't you. Talk about uncomfortable! Thanks. "Done!" she practically shouts out with enthusiasm "Its lovely to have you join us, Kaya. Music is a brilliant course" she smiles that forced smile again.
"It's Kay" I say dryly and give her that same forced smile she gave me only minutes ago.
"Kay. Yes. My mistake" she replies with slight humor to her voice. Already, I have her down as one of those crazy happy people. You know the one's who see the light and the good in everything and everyone. Them people who probably still smile while they're crying. Irritating. Really irritating!
"Well if you'd like to find a seat somewhere and we can continue" she shouts out so the whole class can hear her clapping her hands to get everyone's attention back on her. Not really needing to shout as these nosey gits haven't blinked once since I walked in, nevermind turned away to mind their own god damn business.

I take a step forward but come to a halt when I scan the room, unable to see a free table "Great!" i mumble to myself before turning to face professor... Professor .... What's her face. She hasn't even told me her name.
"Hey!" someone calls out suddenly in the distance, making me jump and causing the books in my hands to go flying onto the table next to where I'm stood, almost hitting some guy in the face
"Shit. Sorry! Are you alright?" I ask trying my damn hardest not to laugh in this poor guys face who just stares at me blankly.
"Problem?" professor no name speaks up. We both look over shaking our heads at her "Then back to your work."
"Alright, love. Chill out!" I mutter, glaring across at her.
And when the guy looks up, he's laughing. He gives me a small nod and a smile before I walk further down the room to where the voice before came from.

"There's a seat here, next to me. If you wanna take it?" a girl with short blonde hair speaks up. Tapping the desk next to her. Instantly I come to a halt, whoa.... I bet the cement mixer she uses to plaster all that make up on her face cost a fortune! She immediately resembles an old bully of mine. Causing my anxiety to surface.
"Er..." I look around the rest of the room. Seriously, not one other spare seat in here. "Sure" I answer weakly, not sounding to happy about it. But what choice do I have.
I refuse to make eye contact with her as I sit down, her gaze fixated on me, watching as I drop to the seat.
I sit nearest to the wall and try and keep some distance between us.
I place my books and my bag on the table, turning to find my pen in one of my jacket pockets.
"So. New in town?" blondey asks me, moving my bag from the table and placing it on the floor between us both.
I scowl at her for a brief second, "No. Nope" I snap, immediately annoyed at her actions. Who the fuck is she to touch my stuff. Who does she think she is!? I know I need to bite my tongue here and not kick off. But I'm not reliving school again. If she pulls another trick like this again, I'll have to tell her. I pick my bag up again, placing it back on the table, still looking for that damn pen. I know I picked one up this morning
"Oo, cool plectrum!" she gasps picking up my- HIS, plectrum.
"Stop it!" I snap for a third time today. She backs away suddenly, sensing my irritation and throws me a weird look. To show she's clueless to my behaviour
"Can you just, not touch my things?!" I say, grabing the plectrum out of her hand, placing it back in my bag after finding my pen.
"Sorry babe" she gives me a small smile and picks up her pen and starts to copy some things off the board.
I have no clue what to actually do here. So I start to do the same and just copy everything down.
A full five minutes passes and blondey goes for round two of making small talk with me again.
"So if you're not new here, how comes I've never seen you around?"
"I just keep myself to myself" I answer, hoping she'll sense I don't want to talk further.
"I bet you're like some kind of murderer, you have this eerie-ness about you. The quiet type, you know" she jokes, trying to lighten the mood in me. But it's only adding onto my annoyance. I really just want to be left alone for today. First day nerves are no joke.
"Yeah, something like that" I play along, hoping it would shut her up.
"Oh my god, really?" She bit, evidentially shocked.
I quickly take a look around the room making sure there's no eavesdroppers and shake my head "No, not really. I'm, er... I'm a recovering alcoholic and a drug addict" I answer truthfully. Looking her square in the eyes. Someone shuffles their chair causing it to squeak across the floor. I break eye contact with her and glance over the room to find the guy who almost had a face full of my books, staring over at me, wide eyed and giving me a confused look, our eyes meet and I send him the same cold look back in return. What is people's problems here?

Blondey gives no response back when I look at her, she shifts uncomfortably and does a nervous giggle when noticing my attention back on her. The hell is her problem? What. Because being an alcoholic and drug addict is worse than guessing I'm some killer?! What an idiot! She looks away from me, keeping her face as far away from mine as possible before picking up her pen and continuing to write. Now blocking me out as though I'm not even here now. Wow! Looks like this is going to be school all over again after all.
I should haveknown she'd be a little miss perfect, just from her appearance and the fact she has no respect or manners when it comes to peoples belonging's.

The rest of the lesson is quiet, even a little too quiet for me. The professor calls out its the end of the lesson and everyone packs away and rushes out of the class as though there's a fire. Blondey leaves in a hurry too without so much as eye contact with me. I seriously don't get her problem! This is the reason I've always kept myself to myself. You try with people and its never good enough. Some people, you just cant please. That's why I turned to drink and drugs. Damn, what id do for a joint now! I'd kill for a line.

I throw my bag over my shoulder and start to walk towards the door, being the last one out. My bags a lot heavier now with my books inside. I gathered im a little too dangerous carrying them around in my hands. Even if most people do deserve something hard and heavy in their face.
"Kay" shouts professor... Whatever. "Yeah?" I answer turning to her, away from the exit and hike my bag higher up my shoulder.
"Everything okay? You're fitting in okay?" she gives me that irritating smile.
'You should try smiling yourself every once in a while!' the voice in my head comes out to insult me, rudely.
"Erm.. Ye- Yeah, I think so. Thanks, professor..."
"Dashwood!" she smiles kindly.
"Dashwood" I repeat and actually manage to give her a sincere smile this time, back at her.
"Any problems. You know where I am" she adds on. I smile again, an awkward one this time but still, I managed one.
I head out turning back to see her waving me out like a crazy woman.

I head out of the building, as its only my first day I only have to do one lesson. Suits me fine!

Next thing on my to do list is learn to drive. God, I hate public transport. Screaming kids. People spreading their lergs and diseases. Old people sniffling, rambling on and gossiping. Hate that!
As always, the bus is late. Doesn't matter what bus I get, its always late.
I pull out my cigarettes and light one up in annoyance, cussing the bus driver in my head. I've really been trying to cut back on the fags. But late bus equals late work. Late to work could end up leaving me jobless. I've only had this job a month or so. Just working in a cafe. But it pays. And if I want to keep this flat, my- his. No - MY flat.... Then any job is good. A voice speaks pulling me from my thoughts "Kay. Right?"
"Right. And book boy. Right?" I choose to mock him. Not really knowing if I'm doing it in a playful way or if I'm being my usual sarcastic, Mardy self. But he laughs anyway, so maybe he's not so stuck up like most people in that class.
"Are you mocking me here?" he asks giving me a stern look but then burst out laughing again, unable to hold it.
"I think i was actually" I say, joining him in laughing. Realising, for once, talking to someone, a guy, a new guy, I don't feel uncomfortable, at all.
He smiles down at me, and its beautiful. The way his cheeks plump up right under his eyes and have a slight pinkish colour to them when he laughs. The little dimples in his cheeks that appeare when he smiles. Just like... That smile, was just like... He looks JUST like... ... ...
"You okay? You seem to be frowning at me, Miss Addison" he looks at me puzzled waiting for my response. "Hmm? What?! No I, er.. Sorry. I just remembered. I have to go to- I have to be somewhere. Totally forgot!" I say, shaking my head, desperate to rid all these stupid thought and memories from my head.
I quickly start to walk backwards, away from him slowly.
"Are you okay? The bus is coming now" he stares at me confused, his brows knitted together, watching me back away from him like an absolute weirdo.
I watch him getting onto the bus and turn around to pick up my walking pace. Is this how everything is going to be now? Now the pain is stopping I'm visualising him everywhere... Even in people?! This is crazy! Every time I talk to a different guy, am I gonna see HIM. Is everyone going to resemble my ex? The similarity to him when he just smiled just then... I don't get it! I can't get my head around it. It's crazy!
Jheez, a broken heart really does make you crazy.