"i feel sick" i complain, making small circles with my hand on my belly as i try to calm my nerves. Hoping this sicky feeling goes away. Joining the ridiculous line of people queued up outside. All waiting to sing their hearts out in front of people that will probably look down their noses at everyone, for a spot on this stupid, pointless t.v show. I'm not gonna be good enough. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I agreed at first cause it gave me time and a chance, an excuse really, to hang out with Lou. I never actually thought he'd drag me here.
It's ridiculous the amount of people out here. I feel like everyone knows everyone. Everyone's in high spirits. Different conversations going on. Laughing. People practicing their songs. This isn't helping my nerves "You'll be fine" Lou rubs the top of my back as he has a nosey around at everyone else who's here
"i don't wanna do it" i decide throwing a massive strop, might get me out of this. Nothings worked so far. Lou even looks nervous after realising there's still people joining the line of people that just seems never ending. I Fold my arms and turn away from Lou as he finds it beyond funny that this is by far one of the most scariest things I've ever done. And idiotic.
"Give it a rest will you" he laughs, nudging his elbow into my side as i still refuse to turn back around to face him "you're gonna be fine. Don't sweat it. We gave them your tape, an you're here now. You gotta call back. That's gotta mean something" he gives me that reassuring smile. That smile I've gotten so used to and become so fond of these past few weeks.
We've spent practically every day together these past 3 weeks. I was sure after the first day of hanging out, he wouldn't want to again. But he seems just as keen to hang out with me as I do with him. To my surprise. We kind of do everything together now. Talk about anything and everything.
He practically knows everything about my past now. All the shit that's just recently gone off with ex. My attempt at suicide, again. Bumping into Matty again. The fact i still love him. But he's moved on. I was gonna go into the whole, 'his girlfriend's a raging lunatic' but it's so fucked up, the whole thing. I'd probably sound like the fucking lunatic explaining it. I explained he's famous now. That he's in a band. Even telling him which one. And Lou didn't even freak. He never pestered for me to tell him who. He never doubted i was lying. Which i thought was weird. If someone tried telling me they've had a past relationship with some famous person, i sure wouldn't believe them, I'd probably end up laughing in their face. But he seemed to understand. An in a way, it's brought us closer together, in such a short space of time. He's like a brother I never had.
"Drink some water" he holds out the bottle. I shake my head.
"I'll be sick if I drink anything" I tell him as we start making our way in, just after some guy came out, Deary, or Dermot or something, he was called - explaining what happens. Talking about the judges - with like a thousand camera's following him and all filming us. Well not me, obviously I hid behind Lou. He gives me a reassuring smile as we head in. That reassuring smile that seems to calm me down a little bit.
"What if I forget the words?" I start to panic again as I can hear auditions going off now as we stand inside the waiting area. "I'll look a fucking idiot, in front of hundreds of people. That audience out there is massive! I'll get laughed off the-"
"Hey! Hey" he cuts me off "Stop it. You're getting all worked up, over nothing. You're gonna be fine" he looks me in the eyes, giving me small nods as he tries again to calm me down, saying each word slowly to me.
"Kay, Kay Addison" a guy calls out with a black t-shirt on, holding a clipboard with a pen in his mouth. Looking around for that - looking around for me
"That's you" Lou nudges me. No? I never would of guessed that.
I scold myself in my head for wasting time with sarcasm. I can't do this. I turn around, facing the wall behind me, my face in my hands as I shake my head. Maybe if I hide in this corner, I won't have to do it. They don't know me. They'll think I've gone home.
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//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•
FanfictionFor almost four years, the only things Kay has known and had in life, is Matty. Drugs, alcohol and music. All four things were the only things Kay needed in life. She was a difficult individual. Troubled! No one ever understood her. No one ever had...
