//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 36//

Erm.. Little bit of um, sexual content in this. Just in case you don't like that smuttttt stuffffff. Just a heads up! :) xXx

Kay's P.O.V ----

I sit with Matt in my arms for what feels like so long. Holding him. Cradling him, rocking back and forth. Trying to comfort him. Calm him down. He's just sat quiet now. The sobs have stopped. His apologies to me stopped. Though i don't even know why exactly he was. I didn't want to push him to tell me anything. When i did ask the few times i did, i just kept getting repeated apologies. Why?

He's still yet to move from my hold. I'm uncomfortable, in both senses. From this, him in my arms. Breaking down. And my legs are really starting to ache now and my backs getting sore from being forced into the front of the sofa. Not to mention my head is still pounding and my ribs are so so painful now. Clearly gonna be bruised.

I shift, uncomfortable. Practically underneath him. But not wanting to disturb him in whatever he's doing that's making him stay so quiet.

I've never seen him like this. So hurt. Fragile? Lost, even. The sound of him crying tugged on my heart strings, the image of him crying, broke me slightly. But i kept strong. For my own sake. I can't ever lose it around him. We both can't be broken and vulnerable at the same time. One of us has to be in control, to stop the other. To stop things happening. Things we'd regret.

After what feels like forever, Matt slowly gets to his feet with yet another apology. Wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He doesn't look at me. He doesn't wait around. As soon as he's to his feet he makes his way into the kitchen.

I'm left feeling awkward. It was bad enough from before, agreeing to come in here. I was hoping to get cleaned up and then leave, straight away. He should of woken me.

I can't deal with Matty being like this. I don't know what to do... What to say....

In the past he's always been the strong one. Known what to do, what to say.

Something in my head is nagging at me, telling me to stick around. To help him out. Because i owe it to him, for all the times he helped me. All the times he saved me.

But I'm not strong enough to help him. I can't even help myself. I'm useless. I'm that failure! He knows more than anyone.

I look around his living room, still sat on the floor. Still to move. I have to leave, now. I turn to the direction of the kitchen. He's still in there. I see this as my time to go...

Standing to my feet quickly, my head thumps. Pouding in my ears. I feel dizzy, like i could just drop to the floor. But i try my best to ignore it and head for the door.

I stagger to the door in pain, opening the door "please don't" he whispers "don't go" he sighs out loud. I stand still, frozen. What do i do? I sigh too. My back still to him

"I can't do this Matthew. I-I can't help you" i turn, guilt and pain ripping through me when i see his face.

'you owe him!' the voice in my head screams at me.

He takes his eyes from me when i look over at him, looking to the floor "please" he whispers again.

"What you doing with that?" i notice the half empty bottle of vodka in his hand.

He just shrugs then takes a mouthful from the bottle. Not even flinching from the strength of it. This isn't going to help.

"That's not going to help you" i point to it. Voicing my thoughts.

He just shrugs again. Taking again, another mouthful "drink?" he offers, holding the bottle towards my direction, in front of him.

I just shake my head. I'm not doing this. No way am i drinking with him. Bad idea Matt.