I park the car, not bothering to pay. Parking it right outside the entrance. I lock it quickly and set off running. I flew here, it only taking ten minutes to get here. I run straight to the departure boards. Looking for a clue where she could be going. New York stands out like a sore thumb to me, i check it seeing it says *BOARDING NOW* Shit!
When i called him, i never expected him to come take her away. I just needed him to check on her. I know she despises the bloke. But he's all she has now. I wanted her to atleast have someone. To know she has someone. Fuck. I didn't think he'd come try and take her and that she'd go. Why is she going with the man that ruined her childhood. Ruined her fucking life? This all my fault. Everything's my fucking fault!
I need to calm down. She could just be going for a visit. I pull my phone out quickly, to see where Lou is "no. Don't come here!" i say rushed to him "you're no use here. I'm here already. Go check her place! See if her stuff's gone" I don't wait for him to reply. I shut the call off, setting off again for her gate.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" i hear her behind me before i have chance to move from the board.
"Shut up Emma!" i spit at her. Setting off.
"It's Eve!" she shouts, clearly beyond pissed off. Clearly upset and has been crying "No. You don't get to fucking be here! This is your fault" she shouts after me. But her voice doesn't get any quiter. An i know she's following me behind.
"Control her, will you" i shout back to Adam. Before i say something i fucking regret. I pick up speed to lose her. I don't want a fucking audience if and when i get to her. I need it to just be me and her. For her to just listen to what i have to say. Listen to my apology. I need to promise her I'll never fucking hurt her again. I'll never let her take the wrap for anything again. I'll protect her, and look after her. I'll love her. I do. I fucking love her. She can't do this. She can't leave. I have to make it all better. Her better.
I look behind me, realising I've lost them both. They're no where to be seen. I look up, looking for gate 18. Where the fuck is it! I panic again. People block my way, coming to a stand still, i try and dodge them, but they crash into me "Move, damn it!" i spit at them, getting funny looks and curses from everyone. But i don't give a shit. I don't even look back. I keep running. I head for the stairs, it's up here. I know I'm probably too late. The closer i get to the top of the stairs, the quiter it becomes.
This can't be happening. I need a goodbye at least!
I get to the top of the stairs, leaning forward, dropping my hands on to my knee's to try and catch a breath. Panting and out of breath. I'm so unfit. I've gotta stop fucking smoking!
I search frantically for her, there's only a few people left up here.
I notice a queue of people. there's only about ten people... she's there! At the end.
I go to call her, but then i realise what she's doing. Laughing and smiling, with another guy. Looking, happy. Looking, looking fine. Like the old Kay.
I stand, watching them. Watching her every move. Her dad leans back to say something to her, then shakes the guys hand with a smile, then they all laugh.
Everything in me is telling me to just go now, leave now. To stop the torture of watching her, there. Happy, with another guy. But i can't seem to move. I don't want to. I wanna look at her, for as long as i can. Till she goes, again, out of my life. For the final time.
My phone rings, pulling me away from my staring "Yeah?" i answer, without checking who it is, my eyes still locked on her "Yeah, i thought as much. Has everything gone out of the flat? I knew it" i break contact from her, as pain hits me, i look down at the floor, wincing "yeah" i clear my throat. Trying to stop my voice breaking while i talk to Lou. Trying to stop the guilt attacking me. I need to be strong here for him. I've fucked up his goodbye making him go check her place. When i already knew she was leaving, for good "Nah. I just missed her" i lie. Hoping it somehow will make him feel a little better, rather than saying 'she's here. But I'm too much of a pussy to go say goodbye for you' "I'm sorry bro. She's gone!" the line cuts off. An i know he's ended the call. I know he's gutted and hurt. And all this is MY FUCKING FAULT!
I stand watching her again, promising myself I'll leave in a second, before she notices. Not that she would. She hasn't stopped talking to that, guy.
She passes the women her ticket, then stands waiting for the lad to do the same "OH MY GOD. KAY!" Emma runs straight past me, knocking into me - making Kay turn quickly in this direction.
Her eyes light up when she see's Emma. Then she turns her focus to the side of her, her eyes going wide and full of pain when her eyes set on me. She looks away from me quickly, then she's in Emily's arms. Back to smiling again. I stand, awkward. Uncomfortable. Hating myself. I should just go. I don't wanna ruin her goodbye too. She looks at me again, confusion and hurt all over face. I give her a half smile, with a nod. She doesn't take her eyes off of me as Emma stands talking to her about something. She nods at her then looks back at me. She gives her another hug as the guy says something to her, probably telling her to hurry up. She turns to him, giving him a nod. Then waves to Emily before she turns walking off to leave. To go. To vanish for good. I'm still to move....
She stops, turning around slowly to face me. Everything in me stands to attention. Happiness, excitement hits me. Is she?... What's she doing?... Is she coming back....?
But she just stands, staring. I smile at her, holding my hand up to give her a wave.
But then it's over. I get no smile from her. No wave. I get her back facing me. As she walks off, to get onto the plane. To leave. For good this time. For the final time.
I throw my face into my hands, in shock.
Fuck this hurts!
Why is she doing this? Why am i allowing her to do this?
No......
I set off for her, to stop her. Running over the seats. She can't go. Not just yet. I need to tell her how i feel. I need a fucking goodbye! She's not doing this. I'm not letting her!
"Sir. You're too late!" the women who was taking the tickets stands infront of the door that's now closed, stopping me.
"I know i just gotta.. i gotta go say something to her!" i scratch my head annoyed. Panicked.
"Sir. The door is now closed. We need you to step back!" she holds her hand out to me, in a gesture to tell me to calm down. I can't fucking calm down.
I spin around, facing away from her, becoming fucked off now. Really pissed off
"You don't understand!" i raise my voice. Blowing some air out from my cheeks. She doesn't under-fucking-stand. She needs to listen to me "LISTEN!" I shout at her
"Sir" she frowns at me "If you don't remove yourself, I'm gonna have no choice but to call security!" she lowers her voice, coming across very stern now. I'm clearly pissing her off. Good! She's pissing me off.
I step back, but I'm not yet ready to allow defeat "KAY!" I shout out. Looking like an absolute nutter. But I'm past caring. If this is what it takes! "KAY. CAN YOU HEAR ME?" I pause, waiting for her to shout something back. Waiting for her to come from the closed door, and tell me to stop being so stupid... Like she always used to. I go to shout again
"Matt!" Adam stands next to Eve, looking all sympathetic at me. He nods towards the window. I step back to look, seeing the plane in motion.... Pulling away from the airport.
I look at Adam, Hurt. Lost. Confused. Really fucking hurt. My eyes filling and quickly blinking the tears down my face, i give him a look to say 'is this really fucking happening right now!' i break down, in front of them. Loud sobs escaping "No" i shout. Not wanting to believe it "No. NO!" I shout. Anger getting the better of me before i cry out as if in pain.
"I'm so sorry mate" Adam grabs me, pulling me in to his arms
"What have i done?" i whisper into his chest as pain rips through mine.
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Not even gonna lie. I cried a little writing and again, typing this up! Ha :/ Oh deeeeear. Hope you enjoyyyy. xXx
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//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•
FanfictionFor almost four years, the only things Kay has known and had in life, is Matty. Drugs, alcohol and music. All four things were the only things Kay needed in life. She was a difficult individual. Troubled! No one ever understood her. No one ever had...
