//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 4//

That night. Matty stalked my dream. I saw him. I felt him!

He found me, laid out on the cold floor in his old flat. Empty bottle of vodka, laid out next to my open hand "No! Not again!" he screamed. Shaking me vigorously to wake up. I could feel his warm hands on me. Violently shaking and moving me, to get a response. "You fucking stupid girl. Why?! Why do you have to keep doing this to yourself?" he shouted at me.
"Because you left me, Matty"
"KAY. Come on... Wake up!"
A small smile spread across my face. That voice. His voice. This beautiful sound. He said my name. I thought I'd never hear it again from him.
"Wake up, Kay. Please, just wake up" his voice pleaded in a panick, out of breath.
What's he talking about?
"I'm awake, Matty. I'm awake" ... Why is he ignoring me??
"I'm right here, Matty... I thought you were never coming back. You came back for me, i-"
"You can't keep doing this to yourself" he whispered so low and emotionless into my ear. Sending a shiver down my spine. His touch, his presence, so close to me, It set me on fire! But not in the good way it used to. My chest burned. It felt like a thousand knives were stabbing into my heart, repeatedly.
"What are you doing to me?!" I screamed at him, eyes wide. But he just stared at me. As though he was enjoying the image of me in pain.
"I've gotta go. Please just open your eyes for me to say goodbye this time" he stroked my cheek so gently with his warm, soft hand that now felt so foreign to me.
"My eyes are open! Can you not see me? Can you hear me?!" I screamed out to him.
"I can see you. I can feel you, Matty!" Tears blurred my vision. I tried to blink them away.
"Goodbye" it whispered.
"Goodbye? No. NO!! Not again!" I sobbed, quietly. Why is he not listening to me? Why can he not see that I'm awake. I'm here. Eyes wide.
I reached out to him, to touch him. To make him realise. But I can't... Why am I not moving!? I try again... Nothing.
"What's happening to me?" tears stream down my face. My voice coming out shaken. His eyes were on me, but it was as though he was looking straight through me.
"Don't go. Please! I need you... I'll do anything!" I begged. My whole body now stiff. Cold. And in pain. Excruciating pain.
I have to do something. He's leaving me. Again. Please god, no. I can't take this again! I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and let out a painful, spine chilling, panicked scream. From the top of my lungs. Putting all my energy into it. Like from a horror movie. I needed his attention... notive me, damn it.
But nothing. He didn't even flinch.
How is he doing this?
He got up, onto his knees, hovering over my practically dead, lifeless body. I could hear him. See him. I could feel him. His touch.. But it seemed he couldn't me.
"Please. Someone help me!" I screamed out in one last desperate attempt. My throat, sore and dry, causing me to cough and choke.
"Sleep tight, baby" he quietly said against my cheek before kissing it carefully.
What?! Am i?-... I cant be-... I'm surely not de- DEAD!!
His lips plant another soft kiss on my forehead, which doubled the pain and burning feeling in my chest. STOP.
"If you ever wake up. Realise how fucking lucky you are, Kay. You're a special girl. But this shit has to stop. The drugs. The drink. Change. Its not who you are, Kay. Its not what you have to be. I can't do this, for crying out loud. I can't be found with you. Not here. Not now. Not ever. I love you. I'll always remember our past 'me and you forever, baby' Let it go. Let me go!" ......
Those words. The pain they held. I can't breathe. I need to speak... To stop this
"Listen to me, Matty. You can't go. You can't leave me. Just, don't! I need you. Please, I-".... But he's up on his feet, his eyes still on me as he slowly backs away from me towards the door.
"I love you too, Matty. Don't do this! I'm begging. I'll stop. Everything! I swear, just give me a chance. I need you-".. .. .. .. A cold gush of wind suddenly hit me across the face, like a hard slap. Stealing my breath.

And i woke up. Just like that. In a panicked state. My breathing erratic. Fast and heavy. My chest heaving and falling at a pace I'm struggling to get enough oxygen in my body.
My eyes quickly scan the cold, mucky room where I fell asleep. The sun just starting to rise, coming through the filthy window above where I lay.
"Just a dream. It was just a dream" I whisper to myself, bringing my left hand up on to my chest to concentrate on my breathing, trying to steady it.
But my focus drops... The plectrum, from the floorboards, across the room. Sits in my hand. My hand squeezing at it as though I need it to live.
I don't even remember removing and picking it up.

I twiddle it around with my fingers, bringing it up to my face. Taking in every detail of the plastic. The marks where its been strummed on the strings so many times. Where it comes to a point at the bottom, its so thin an worn down. I lightly laugh at how much me an this damn plectrum have in common. Thin an worn down. An at some point in the past, we were both his favourite things. On the back of it, in marker pen, it has 'M+K' written on it in small writing. I didn't even know he'd done that. A small smile plays across my face as thoughts of our past flood my mind yet again. About when we used to talk about tattoos and stuff. We were both too young to have real ones, so we used to sit and draw on each other with marker pens. I bet he's covered in them now. Real ones. Everything we did back then was silly. But that's the main thing i loved, the fact i didn't have to pretend to be someone i wasn't around him. We were both as daft as each other. And comfortable with each other too.

"The drugs. The drink. It's not who you are" His words from the dream stab into my mind. Causing a massive hole to emerge into my mind.
Light begins shinning through all of a sudden. Quickly starting to think clearly, for the first time in... I don't even know how long. The dream. How can a dream feel so real yet seem so unrealistic at the same time?
It's likely Matty doesn't even know who i am anymore. I was so long ago. He doesn't care anymore. Hell, if i passed him on the street, he wouldn't even recognise me.
But, hell...Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's what I've needed. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep being like this. I'm the only one suffering. And I'm getting tired of it. I'm physically and emotionally drained. I have nothing left to keep fighting this battle with me, and... Myself? My past. I've had enough of the pain and heartache. Being constant and deathly. Maybe this beautiful nightmare was a sign. A sign that things do have to change. I have to. I don't want to be like this anymore. I'm tired of me! This life. I have to put a stop to everything.
"Let go!" his words echo in my ears. Yes! I have to! And if he can change and turn his life around, then, damn it.. So can I! This is the closure I need. This is where I need to focus my emotions. I CAN do this! My past is staying my past. Matty is staying my past. And soon it will just be a distant memory.
'The past is just practice' my mum used to always tell me.
Change. Change is good. Well its either change, or die. And for once, dying isn't an option, or a choice for me.