//For Crying Out Loud...// Matty Healy story!! (Completed) •IN EDITING•

//Chapter 54//

I lay there for a while. Uncomfortable. As Kay sleeps on my now dead arm. Watching her. It's gotten to a point she doesn't even look like herself when she sleeps. Whatever i do now, it feels like it's not good enough. I thought i could help her. I thought I'd know what to do. But it's harder than i thought.

There's too many questions i need to ask. Too many answers i need to know. Too many what's and why's. An while she's like this. I won't know. I'm too scared to ask and know about. It's showing I'm the one who's not strong enough here.

The more i try and help her. The worse she seems to get. But i can't give in on her. That's no way an option here. I just need a little help. But from someone who's been through this. Who knows what to do to help. Who knows what's best here. What's best for her.

I slowly shift myself from under her. She doesn't move. I don't know how many of them fucking pills she's taken. She'll probably be out for a few hours.

The drugs. That's the first thing I'm gonna change. She needs to realise she doesn't need this shit. An that's not going to help her in anyway.

I grab the bag of pills from the floor next to her.

Staring at them for a while. For a second i concider taking some. Just one. Thinking it will make things easier. If I'm on her wave length. If i do what she wants, an take this shit with her. She might open up to me....

No. I can't.

An i dispose that idea straight away. I run to the toilet before i even have chance to have another of those stupid thoughts. I throw them all down the toilet. Pulling the flush straight after.

"What you doing?" Kays annoyed voice makes me jump. I turn, empty bag in hand

"No!" she screams, running towards me. She stares down at the toilet. Watching the pills flush away. She turns back to me slowly. Anger visible on her face "you stupid prick!" she screams "i need those" she stares at me. Pure hatred all over her face

"No. You don't" i speak slowly to her. Trying to make her understand that this shit just makes you worse "they won't help you Kay" i whisper, trying to calm her down as she seems to be getting angrier as each second passes. I don't even know what she'll do after this. What she'll say. She can hate me all she wants. I said i was going to help her. An i am. This is the start.

She takes a step closer to me. Her body shaking, from anger probably "i told you." she points a finger in my face "i don't fucking need help" she pauses. Waiting for me to say something. But what can i say? I don't have anything to say because i don't fucking understand. Any of this. Her. Not anymore.

"Let me help you" i whisper. Reaching out for her hand. She pulls away, fast. All hot an cold on me again. I can't keep up with all this. This... headfucking. She shakes her head at me, her breathing becoming fast, an panicked. Like she's having a panic attack "Kay?" i raise my voice louder. I don't know what to fucking do!

"No" she shouts before dropping to her knee's and begins to sob "you're the only person i trust. Don't ruin that" she looks back up at me, tears running down her cheeks. But i feel like that's some way a threat.

I drop next to her "Nothing bad is going to happen to you. Y-you, you have to let me in. Let me help you" i say rushed. I'm running out of things to say to her. Out of things to do to try and help her. What the hell am i supposed to do now? "you can trust me. But you have to let me help you" i grab her hand, squeezing it tight.

I finally feel like I'm getting through to her. Her hand stops shaking. Her hand begins to feel slightly warm again. But she shakes her head at me. Telling me no. Telling me I'm wrong. Proving i can't do this.. on my own. Showing I'm clueless.