Teddy Bear (Stanley X Reader - With Some Ford For Spice)

46 (Mayorly Shack)

I walked into my home, currently marked "Mayorly Shack." There U.S. flags and "Vote Stan" signs all over the walls of the dining room. I narrowly avoided trupping over Waddles who had "SWINES 4 PINES" written on one side and "BUD'S A DUD" written on the other.

"Alright everybody, eyes up here!" Dipper stood on a chair and opened a dusty rolled up paper. "Okay, Gravity Falls Elections are based on two events. The Wednesday Stump Speech, held on... an actual... stump, and the Friday Debate wherein townsfolk throw birdseed at the candidate they like most... At the end, they release a freedom eagle who will fly to the candidate covered in more seed and bestow a birdly kiss upon him anointing him mayor." He showed us the parchment with a frown. He rolled up the paper. "I couldn't make this up if I wanted to."

A phone rang in the "Phone Bank." Mabel answered it. "Okay Grunkle Stan, are you ready for your first radio interview?"

Stan smiled. "I got my mouth, don't I?"

"Okay you're on with the candidate." She handed off the phone.

Toby's voice came from my radio. "Hello! Candidate Stan first question: How do you feel about the American flag?"

Stan shrugged. "Meh, I can take it or leave it, too many stripes... Next question."

"Stan!" I would have yelled if anything more than a shallow breath could escape my mouth.

Toby's voice continued. "What would you do to help educate our kids?

Stan smiled and sat back. "Ha, simple. Put them on an island and make them fight for dominance... Also teach kids swears. That'll bring them to the real world."

"Stan!" This time my voice got past my own ears. "Stop him..."

Toby continued, "What would you do about the crime in Gravity Falls?"

Stan sat foward. "Wait, do you mean crime in general, or just the specific crimes committed by m-"

Dipper cut the phone line. "Okay, interview's over. Candy, what's the damage?"

I took the phone. "Dipper this unplugs from the wall..."

"Your approval ratings started at zero. Now it's a number lower than zero." Candy flipped her laptop around and showed us Stan's negative approval ratings.

"You're meme-ing fast, and none of them are good." She showed us her phone.

Mabel tried to be nice. "Look Grunkle Stan, people are like smell markers, and you're black licorice! It's not that you're un-sniffable, you just need to learn when to keep the cap on."

"From now on, maybe you should read our prepared remarks." Dipper held up a folded piece of paper with "YOUR SPEECH" written on it with drawings by Mabel.

Stan gave a short laugh. "Sorry kids. I always say words that come out of my brain. If my head says, that lady's got an ugly baby, my mouth says, 'whoa, lady, you got one ugly baby.'"

"Stan..." I gave an exasperated sigh. I spoke in a sweet voice, "We may need to talk..." I said sternly. "Kitchen. Now."

"Fine." Stan followed me to the kitchen.

"Now Stan... I know this isn't a really big deal to you but it is to our town..."

"What? Of course this is a big deal to me!" Stan yelled. "I'm gonna be mayor!"

"Stan... listen to me..."

"No! You listen to me! I spent 30 years trying to bring my brother back and he doesn't even thank me." He slammed his fist on the counter.

"I'm trying to help you..." I threw my hands up. "You know what? I give up! You don't listen anyway!" I crossed my arms self-consciously across my chest. "Those kids love you. You're these kids' hero... I can see it... why can't you?" I shook my head and stepped around Stan. "Think about this: I will only vote for the best candidate... and if it's not you, I won't vote for you."