No one knows how I feel. I feel like I get ignored that no one cares what I think I feel sad I feel depressed and overall I feel like no one would miss me if I was gone.
My parents know I've tried to kill myself before but they don't do anything about it they don't care they ignore me they think I'm nothing but the child before retirement. People would say I have nothing to complain about that I need to suck it up enjoy what I have and not take things for granted but it's harder than you know. People think I'm overdramatic they think I'm selfish which they think I'm annoying. I sometimes just want to scream I want to kill myself and I feel like I would be OKAY if I killed myself because no one will miss me and no one would notice I was gone no one would care they probably would have a party!
If you truly have read this far I'm surprised most people think I'm complaining for nothing that my life is good and that I'm taking it for granted but you have no idea how serious it is and I'm the youngest in my family and I always get stepped on. I'm not a party girl I'm not a nerd I'm not smart everyone thinks I'm dumb that I won't even graduate college. I feel trapped I can't escape I can call for help I can't do anything but sit here bottle it up and hold my emotions I don't want anyone to worry I don't want anyone to see me struggling I don't want them to think I'm a burden to them. I feel bad that my parents had to talk to me I feel bad that my sister hates me. I truly never mean to hurt people I love everyone and I don't want anyone to be mad at me. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to have someone disappointed in me no matter who they are. I try to turn off my emotions I try so hard it's just I can't. I let everyone rule over me I can't control myself I'm too dramatic. I'm worthless to the world I feel like the world would be a better place if I was gone if I just died and never came back I feel worthless and helpless and just plain annoying.
I'm surprised if you've gone this far because I know my sentences are run-on I know how bad of a writer I am but this isn't about what it looks like it's about how I feel and I feel helpless I feel stuck I feel trapped I just cannot leave. Yes I think if I left I'll feel like crap by causing people pain and I don't want to do that. I feel all the problems, I feel everything and I take responsibility I regret everything if I done something wrong I regret if someone gets hurt even though it's not my fault I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm breaking into millions of pieces, like I'll never fit in. Like I'm an outsider looking in, everyone thinks I'm a social butterfly I'm so cheerful I'm so happy but they don't know how I actually feel how you feel stop how I feel trapped how I feel worthless to the world and it's hard to get my feelings because it just causes more problems for others I don't want to be the one causing that I don't want to see anyone hurt because of me I don't want anyone to be in pain because of me I already feel regret for everything I've never done that because other people are hurt I literally cannot stand anyone hurt because it's just painful to see that they're in pain and I can't help them in any way I try to be there for others but no one's there for me I still don't know what's wrong with me someone please help my life is ruined but it's not my life is bad and my parents never listen to me and my friends always leave me I feel like one day everyone will leave me for no reason because maybe I'm just worthless and that I don't deserve any of their kindness.
