I had thought things maybe changed for me after all this time. I thought it was time for me to finally be happy. I couldn't be mistaken more. People like me can never be happy. Meant to be tormented maybe in order to have a balance in the world after all not everybody can be happy. I found out that all this time I was simply lying to myself and trying to just desperately ignore everything wrong with me but here I am back exactly where I was two months ago but this time with an even more broken heart. I want nothing from this life but for it to end. Please I can't be alive anymore it's just torture at this point.
I think I'm starting to accept the fact that there's something wrong with me, and that I'm a terrible person. I feel "empty," I don't know exactly what that means except, you feel I don't know dead inside? None of my emotions feel real. I'm beginning to think I'm not normal, crazy even. One of these days, not today, nor tomorrow I will end it. I just don't belong here, I shouldn't be here, I don't know what's wrong with me, my mind is filled with so many thoughts, I just wish I could get away from it. Get away from reality. To feel something. I've tried everything that people say helps you feel... I guess. Cutting, Overdosing on pills, everything. Nothing seems to help me. I don't feel the same anymore , I'm not the same anymore. I don't know who I am, and I can't take it anymore. I always feel alone, I feel like people only want me around so they won't be alone. I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way. Am I? Probably. I have so many questions, but no fucking answers. So basically, I'm just tired of feeling this way. Some people say they would love to feel nothing. But.. I don't know what's worse for me.. feeling it all, or feeling nothing at all. But fuck it. I just don't know what's going on. And I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Does anyone feel this way? No? Probably not. Alone again. But whatever. I'm done. Bye.
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A/N:
I really don't have a point to write this, this long ass entry no one will probably even take the time to read.
Tackling the smallest things first will help in the long run when trying to tackle the largest things. there's nothing wrong with working on what you can handle while you look for a way to handle the larger things!
- Hazelle
