To people who just don't have a clue? When the burning feeling inside starts and you want to claw at anything...the walls your skin. When every inch of you wants to not be alive anymore. It's these moments that are the most lonely for me. No matter how much I try to reach out to people or even explain it's like they hear me but they are not listening. I'm a loving and accepting person but no matter how often I extend my hand to people to try feel less lonely nobody wants to know. They never reciprocate. People in my life would much rather play Pokémon go or attack me further when I'm not in a good place. Most people around me see the happy supportive person who never complains about the trauma they have gone through who will continue to give and give and give while they take and take from me. I have nothing left to give. I'm on a journey of learning to love myself but what about those times when I can't do it? 3 good days and 4 bad days is too much for me to bare. I guess nobody understands unless you are going through it. I know I will find the courage to just end it all one day. I am not in my ego. I don't shout my private life from the rooftops. I meditate daily, play softball and even go on runs. But when none of these helps I don't know what else to do. My soul feels lonely here on earth where life is about ego lies and games. I truly wonder anymore if I can trust anyone? I know it will be ok in the end. I was born alone and I will die alone nothing to fear about that.
