I'm getting tired day by day, but I'm still struggling to live, I always feel that people around me are just meaningless, they seem to know me well but they don't. In this house, I feel like a total stranger. I don't talk much like I always did.
I thought that I can adapt this new environment, but it seems like I hate this place even more. I thought people in this house can make me feel alive again, but it's getting worse. I don't feel like they recognize my existence.
"Friends" always leave you in the end
Why the fuck do people even try to pretend to be your friend. Everyone always leave you in the end after all. I don't know if there's something wrong with me despite the fact I've always been trying to change myself for the better. I've just accepted the fact I'm busted or something. I'm always the one trying to help others, and nobody wants to help me. I don't care if I sound bitchy or not. Fuck helping others. Fuck this. Fuck everything about this stupid world, and fuck anyone that claims to be my "friend" because nobody wants to actually be friends with me. I just get taken advantage of by everyone who wants to get ahead of me.
I've fucking had it. It's 9 am. I'm tired as shit. I have more shit to do than I have time to do it. I don't even fucking have time for a social life. I'm doing everything I possibly fucking can. My skin is the worst it's ever been and it won't get better because I'm so fucking stressed. I can't handle this. How much can you throw at a person?! what the fuck is my family trying to do to me?! I said I'd do everything I could do, and if they still give me a hard time, then I'd shut them out completely! That's what I fucking have to do. They make my life worse! How much can you fucking take?! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DISAPPEAR BECAUSE YOU WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO SEE ME FAIL! They fucking know I don't have time to breathe! How fucking selfish! I'm done with this shit. They broke my heart in a million fucking pieces and stomped all over them. You don't give a fuck whether I live or die. They took every bit of love I have in me, every bit of care, every bit of time, everything. I hate everything about my life because of them. I have more work to do than there are hours in the day, and I fucking don't even spend enough time on it because I'm too fucking busy talking to them. And last night, I fucking get out of class, I tell them I have to go do work then they're on the phone for fucking 40 minutes, then I fucking go, do some work but I'm tired as shit, then come home, talk to my sister do some work, then want to shower. I'm tired, so I decide to shower in the morning instead, and then starts the new fucking cycle of misery. my family keep me up late as shit the night before, then I have to wake up early the next day, I'm doing work and going to class all day. My family doesn't give a fuck. I hate my fucking life. I hate everything about it.
This is fucking bullshit and they know it. or maybe they don't. HOW MUCH CAN YOU FUCKING BEAT SOMEONE DOWN! I really do hate everything about my life. I've been trying so fucking hard, I'm trying to do every possible thing I can. I'M SO FUCKING STUPID THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEIR OWN FUTURE WHY WOULD THEY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MINE?! THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I HAVE NOTHING. How much can you hurt me?! How can you keep hurting me intentionally? How much can you hurt one person before they can't get up anymore? What the fuck do you want from me?! What else?! You have it all?! What the fuck else?!
