Fangs and Other Fairy Tales (A Camren Fanfic)

Chapter 96

Ally's POV 

I'm older than Sketchers and the invention of the cell phone but i have never, ever, felt as old as i do when i'm around these two idiots. Don't get me wrong, i love them to pieces but no matter how you slice it i'm the mum friend whether i like it or not and that hurts me in ways i can't even begin to explain. So with that in mind, please understand why right now, in this moment, i would love nothing more than for the floor beneath me to open up and swallow me whole. It truly is, was and always will be the most important role i have ever played in my entire life but it makes me wish that immortality came with a loophole because i will never outlive it.

"Ally, you better suck it up girl because us getting in there relies entirely on your ability to be a badass motherfucker" Normani said snapping her fingers and adjusting the sunglasses she had placed on my nose. I swear on my heart of hearts she's like a sister to me but it has just been made painfully clear that if we were twins we'd be fraternal at best; plus, all that speech did was make me wanna puke. 

"Mani i look like a British gangster threw up on me, this is never gonna work homie" I replied, causing her to frown at me momentarily before spinning me around to get a look at her work. 

"You lookin' fine Ally Cat, you have nothing to worry about. I know all of those Werewolves think they're hot shit, but you are the shit" Dinah added, and while she was not wrong, everything about this plan sure didn't feel right. Allow me to briefly try and explain the crackpot scheme my two devious best friends have concocted and you tell me if i'm not giving them enough credit or if for the past hundred or so years i've been giving them way too much credit.

So, we kind of stumbled upon the place with the finesse of the deadly assassins that we obviously are not but we didn't exactly find the front entrance. Rather, we managed to find our way to the seedy back entrance where a bunch of Vampires were lining up to be let inside which strikes me as a little odd since the Pits are a place for Renegade Werewolves not the undead. However after a few minutes of eavesdropping on the doorman and a few of the guests we soon figured out that high powered officials within the Vampire community pay out a lot of money to come down here and see a bunch of rock bottom Werewolves beat the ever loving daylights out of each other for entertainment. I feel like i don't really need to say much more on that subject that isn't already obvious so i'll move on. 

That's when these two nitwits got the idea of trying to make me look like some overly important congresswoman or something, (in these shades, the only laws i'm supporting are your rights to listen to my mix-tape) while the two of them act like my personal body guards. According to Dinah, it 'always works in the movies' so there's no way this could possibly fail in a real life situation right? If my mother could see me now. Anyway, i tried suggesting alternatives to them before Normani and Dinah began tearing all of their clothes off and swapping things around to make themselves look more professional and then dumping everything else on me so i can look like a mix between one of the Backstreet Boys and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But that obviously fell on deaf ears. Like i said, you be the judge. 

Anyway, i reluctantly agreed to follow along with this plan because they're more likely to believe i'm Dinah and Normani's biological child than they are to believe that i was someone's bodyguard. Apparently age has no factor in your ability to defend someone from a threat even if you are a Vampire, but that's someone else's stereotype so i'm gonna choose to ignore it and not get offended. (I hope someone sucks the blood out of their butt, in public, through a straw, until they die full ass naked on the ground). And now back to the current 'pep talk' my beloved friends are trying to give me so i don't blow this whole thing and have to murder a bunch of people, which i am fully equipped to do just so you know.