always and forever - billie eilish

i had to watch you jump off the roof

title: COFFIN  ft eminem- jessie reyez

elle's POV

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billie bear ❤🐻

elle, i'm sorry

i know i fucked up big time
but i really need you to come
back. i'm already doing horrible
without you and i'm having
really bad thoughts.

you're what keeps me stable
and i couldn't stand to see
you that way. i thought that
it'd help to go down there and
slap her but it didn't help at all.
it just made everything worse.

and i am so sorry for bringing
magnolia into this. i got to into
the argument and it just slipped
out.

please come home.

i need you to be here.

i need you to stop me.

as i read through these texts my heart starts pounding out of my chest. i run to the kitchen where finneas is and show him the texts. "we have to go." he says. as we start get in the car and out of the driveway, i get another two texts from billie.

billie bear ❤🐻

i love you.

i'm sorry.

"finneas go faster!" i scream as we get close to the house. we pull up and i get out just to see billie step off the roof. "BILLIE!" i scream and run as fast as i can but i'm not fast enough. she hits the ground in front of me and i grab her as tears stream down my face. "billie, billie stay with me" i order, shaking her gently. "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" i shout. i turn and see finneas crying as he calls 911. he walks over and talks to the operator as we try to keep billie with us. her cheeks are stained with tears and her eyes are barely open. "i love you." she tells me in a voice full of pain, barely awake. "billie please don't leave me. stay here. i need you to stay with me." i beg as i sob. "i love you so much and i'm so sorry i left. i never would've left if i knew this would happen." i tell her. i hug her close to me and she drapes her arm over my shoulders. "please stay with me." i cry against her, burying my face in her neck.

i hear sirens blaring down the road several minutes later as the street lights up with blue and red lights. people start coming out of their houses, trying to see what's going on. finneas wraps a blanket around billie and we try to keep her awake. once the ambulance finally arrives the sirens blast, making my head pound almost as loud as my heart. they hoist billie up on a stretcher and i try to hold onto her. "miss, you must let go. we've got to get her to the hospital." the man tells me. "please let me go with her." i beg. "we can only have relatives and spouses in the vehicle with the patient. unless you are one of those you're going to have to drive yourself." he answers "sir, you don't understand. i'm her wife." i explain as i get in, tears still streaming down my face. "i'll meet you there" finneas yells over the sound of the sirens. they allow it and we drive to the hospital as fast as we can. i keep billie's hand in mine, trying to keep her awake. "stay with me baby. please. i need you to stay with me. don't leave. please don't leave me." i plead, laying my head on her shoulder and holding her hand in mine.

we get to the hospital and they stop me as we get to one of the rooms. "only staff beyond this point." the nurse says as a doctor wheels billie into the room. "let me in! i'm her wife!" i shout as i try to push passed her. another nurse comes over and helps block me off as i continue to try to get into the room, trying to get to billie. i scream for her, hoping, praying that she can hear me. "miss, i'm sorry but you're going to have to wait in the lobby." the nurse tells me but i keep pushing passed her, only to be moved back to my original place. i feel myself slide to the floor and break down even more. "just.... take care of her. please." i sniffle as i feel arms pull me up from behind me. i turn around and see finneas holding onto me. he's bawling his eyes out and i hug him. he hugs me tightly and i feel arms around me from behind. i turn and see claudia hugging me as she cries along with both of us. we get to the lobby and maggie and patrick show up soon after. we stand in the middle of the room in a big, sobbing group hug for god knows how long.

i can't stop picturing billie stepping off of that roof.

this wouldn't have happened if i had just stayed home with her.