always and forever - billie eilish

you were in my head

title: therapy - khalid

billie's POV

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i'm currently in the waiting room at therapy, just waiting for my appointment. i have my headphones on and i'm scrolling through instagram while stay by post malone plays through my headphones.

i love posty.

he's the sweetest guy.

before i know it the middle aged woman i'm being forced to speak with is approaching me. she's not unattractive, but not nearly as beautiful as elle. i'm sure elle is all i'm going to end up talking about. it seems like i accidentally bring her up in every single conversation. i pause my music and shove my phone in my pocket as she greets me. i say a lazy hello because i don't want to be here and follow her into the room she leads me to.

"so billie, let's start off by getting to know each other shall we?" she asks. "okay" i agree tiredly. "okay, pick a number between 1 and 100." she orders. "69" i answer, slouching a little. "if you were able to sit down with any celebrity, dead or alive, who would it be?" she asks. "myself" i shrug, hearing her laugh a little.

we go through a few more questions and finally get to the part i've been dreading. "why are you here?" she asks. "i'm being forced to come here" i tell her. "why?" she asks. "because i jumped off my roof." i answer nonchalantly. her facial expression drops and she clears her throat. "how come?" she questions. "because i didn't want to live anymore? i don't know man. i lost my memory" i shrug. "okay um.... how long have you had depression, suicidal thoughts and so on?" she asks. "my whole life." i respond. she writes down some stuff on a little notepad that reminds me of elle.

elle loves yellow notepads.

though i don't know why, she says they're better than sticky notes and other notepads.

i smile a little at the thought of elle, wishing this would end soon so i could get back to her. i feel bad that she's just waiting in the car for me.

we continue talking about a lot of stuff until our time is up. i end up opening up about a lot of stuff in my past and talk to her about elle. as i talk about her, it somehow makes her even more familiar.