always and forever - billie eilish

crying out for attention

title: kids - MGMT (not that you care but this band made my aunt and i so much closer than we already were. i fucking love MGMT)

billie's POV

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elle's family left this afternoon and the kids are all really upset about it. especially em, she really took a liking to elizabeth. so right now, about four hours later, elle and i are still trying to calm them down. 

"alright kiddos, i know you miss grandma melia, lizzy and maddy and i'm sorry but they had to go back home." i explain, kneeling down so i'm at their level. "why?" emory frowns. "because, grandma melia is getting married. she has to be at home so she can be with her fiance." i explain. "but don't worry, we're going to go visit them for the wedding." elle adds. "yay!" gray exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air. "but right now we need to calm down. it's time for bed." i tell them. "i'm not tired." finn shrugs, walking out of the room. "finn, get back here" elle orders. "no. i don't have to listen to you, i am free." finn yells from the other room. gray decides to get up and run to the other room in a fit of laughter. "looks like it's just us huh?" i say to emory once elle gets up to get the boys. "no. just you" she giggles and runs out. "no" i groan and follow her. "you need to go to sleep em. at least go lay down while mommy and i get your brothers in their room." i demand. "no" she shakes her head. "don't say no to me. i am your mama. you listen to me, got it?" i say in what finneas and claudia call my "mommy voice" which personally annoys the fuck out of me. "but finn and gray get to run around? why can't i?" she asks. "they don't get to emory and neither do you. it's time for bed." i repeat. "i hate you!" she yells at me and runs away. i cover my mouth in shock and hear emory running down the hallway. 

she doesn't mean it. 

i know that.

why is it affecting me?

it shouldn't be.

i shake out of my thoughts because i know elle needs my help. i get up and walk to the living room, seeing them all surrounding elle and hitting her. "HEY! we do NOT hit!" i yell, making them all look over at me. "sorry mama." gray apologizes and looks down at his feet. "now you're all going to apologize to mommy and go to bed!" i order. "i'm sorry mommy." gray's lip quivers as he looks up at her and i see a tear slide down finn's face. emory remains unphased and runs at me with an angry look. "you made my brothers cry!" she shouts at me and starts kicking my shin. "emory bea banana o'connell! i said we do not hit!" i repeat myself, picking her up from her place on the ground. she tries to squirm out of my grasp but i keep a firm hold on her and carry her to her room. "now you're going to stay in here for the rest of the night and think about what you did. i expect you to apologize to both mommy and i because we are doing all we can right now. i get that you might hate me right now but that gives you no excuse to act this way." i explain, placing her down in her room. "NO!" she screams at me and tries to push passed me. "emory. stop it." i demand. "i hate you! i hate you! i hate you! i hate you!" she shouts at the top of her lungs. i hear someone stomping down the hallway and elle moves me aside. "go put the boys to bed." she tells me. "okay." i nod and do as told. 

i get to the boys room and see them both sitting on the floor hugging. gray has started full on crying and finn is trying to comfort him while crying himself. i sigh and sit down on the floor beside them. "hey guys. i just wanted to say i'm sorry for yelling. today as been absolute chaos and i'm sorry for taking my anger out on you. but you two need to understand, i love your mommy very very much and i don't want her to get hurt. not to mention, it's disrespectful and hurts her feelings." i explain, giving them a sympathetic look. "i'm sorry mama. i was bad." gray sobs. "hey, hey. come here." i frown and pull them both onto my lap and hugging them.  they both cry into my chest and i shush them soothingly. "let's get you guys in your beds okay?" i suggest. they pull away and nod, climbing into their beds. i tuck them both in and sit in the chair between them. "are we thinking a story or a song tonight?" i ask. "story" "song" they answer in unison. "looks like we're doing both" i laugh a little. i grab a book from the small bookshelf beside me and read it aloud to them. once i'm finished i sing them both their special songs (finn's is ocean eyes and gray's is ilomilo) i finish ilomilo and see them both asleep. i stand up slowly and put the book back, quietly walking out. 

i get to elle and i's room and hear crying on the other side of the shut door. i knock softly and hear her sniffle. "b-bil?" she asks. "yeah angel, it's me. can i come in?" i question, knowing sometimes when she's crying she just wants to be alone. "yeah." she responds.

i open the door and see her curled up in a ball on her side of the bed, cuddling her pillow with her whole body and crying into it. "come here baby." i frown and walk to the bed, holding my arms open. she lets go of the pillow and latches onto me as i hug her. "she's never said that before to even one of us, let alone both." she sniffles. "emory said she hates you?" i ask. "mhm" she nods. "you know she doesn't mean it. she loves you with all her heart. she's just upset that your family had to leave. and she probably just wanted attention. she'll feel bad about it in the morning and apologize." i assure her. "i know but... today was just difficult. it felt like they were all ganging up on me. i didn't know what to do when they were all kicking and hitting me and you know i feel bad about yelling at them." she sighs. "i know baby. i do too. but that's just part of parenting." i tell her, rubbing her back. "maybe we were too young." she says in a whisper so quiet i can barely hear her. "yeah. but i am so glad that we had kids when we did. because if we had waited, we may not have ended up with those angels. i know they can act like spawns of satan sometimes, but they're amazing." i remind her. "you're right. i just need to get my mind off of this." she sighs. "i just need you to take my stress away." she pouts. "whatever you want, i'll do." i say, keeping her close to me. "i think i know a way to make us both feel better, if you're up for it. it'll take our minds off of it" she suggests. "i mean down" i laugh a little, making her laugh with me.